Only a woman of pride, complexity and emotional tension is genuinely worth the act of love, and there are only two ways to get yourself one of them. Either you lie, and stain the relationship with your own sense of guile, or you accept the involvement, the emotional responsibility, the permanence she must by nature crave. I love you can be said only two ways. – John D. MacDonald, The Deep Blue Good By, 1964
I have seen many a men question why the woman they love is slowly slipping away. They question whether it is more a choice than a feeling and I tell them this: Finding love is not the same as keeping it. Most of us are deluded into thinking that time’s inevitable wear and tear affects all things, love included. As such, we think the ‘heady’ feeling that causes one’s insides to turn gooey when one first trips headlong into love is sure to fizzle out over time, causing the insides to turn jelly like, if not solidify completely. This is where the problem begins. There is no such thing as ‘lukewarm love.’ Love can either be all-consuming or nada. There is no middle ground there. It is when we try to justify the mediocrity with the vagaries of time that we start walking down that dead-end path. The worst way to kill love is to take it for granted. When you stop making the effort to keep the woman you love in love, you are close to kicking open the door she can use to make an exit.
Suggested read: How do you know if someone is ‘the ONE’?
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Seeking an answer to the ever-pertinent question ‘how does one stay in love?’ or any other version of keeping the magic alive ain’t enough. One needs to assess what went missing in the relationship and bring it back. If you have felt the woman you love place her foot out the proverbial door, ready to make a dash, maybe you need to find and USE answer too…
If you wish to keep the woman you love around forever, you need to:
STOP TAKING HER FOR GRANTED.
Yes, it’s that simple.
Women won’t be around if all you have to offer is flattery or gifts. There are hundreds of men in the big, wide world who can offer just that. There’s a reason she’s chosen to be with you- and she needs more to stick to her choice. Listen to her, communicate, respect her choices, do the little things that matter, make her laugh, connect with her on ‘all’ planes and make her feel special, appreciated and at home.
If she is talking to you, she is giving you the roadmap to all her innermost needs, desires and wants. Explore the realm and learn to give her what she desires. Very often, when women ‘talk,’ they aren’t asking for solutions- just that you listen to her and validate how she’s feeling about a certain issue. I know your brains don’t work like that and a conversation is your way to offer ‘logical’ solutions to her problems, correct her thought process or mete out answers she isn’t asking for but if you continue down that path, she will lose interest in you. She will try to bridge the gap and rectify the situation by talking louder or repeating herself, but if you insist on making your voice heard over hers, you would soon encounter her silence in all conversations – the lull before the exit-storm.
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However, that doesn’t mean that you need to keep silent. I have often stressed about the need to feel at home with the love of your life. Women have an inherent tendency to test the waters before diving deeper. So whether you have been together for a month or for a couple of years or even a decade, this testing almost never stops. The questions continually keep rolling off your back and if you have the tendency to dodge them instead of taking the test and passing it, you might not be able to keep her around for long. Men need to understand that these tests are not an attack on their integrity and have nothing to do with them – they are just a tool women deploy to inch closer and closer. So, help her feel comfortable opening up and be herself – loving is not possible without complete vulnerability.
Suggested read: How to communicate effectively with your partner
If you wish to keep the woman you love around forever and have her love you back just like you’d imagined, you need to ensure that you make her a priority. Make her feel special- let her know she maters. Most women do not give up on their relationships until they have tried everything in their power to make it work. She has fought with her family, ignored her friends, sacrificed her dreams and lost sleep over things that are amiss, step up and help her. Don’t ignore her needs, hurt her heart and handicap her desires. Give her the care and support she deserves- do the little things that shall keep that smile glued to her lips until you see her again- make her feel valued.
Very often, you men tend to resort to lies to spare your woman’s feelings. I haven’t seen a logic more flawed. Don’t feel that you can dodge an unnecessary argument or save the woman some hurt- because the relationship you are in merits the respect that comes from trusting your partner with the truth. So, don’t make it an optional element in your life. The truth is one and it can help build the foundation you can create a long-lasting bond on.
Give her the love she deserves, you brave man- and watch her amplify it as she loves you back!
That’s a promise!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License