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Why I Have A Hard Time Saying I Love You

They say that people are like onions. They have layers and layers covering their shell and if you really want to know them, you got to remove these layers, peel by peel. I have always been one of those people who are never really able to express their feelings. Love, hatred, passion, or anything in between – I have had a hard time in giving my emotions the correct shape and letting them all out with the exact usage of words.

Happiness has always been an alien state to me. I think, when I look back, I can summarize my entire life as a pursuit to attain happiness. I have thought of myself getting out of happiness one million times, but never in my entire life, I thought of experiencing it. Not even once.

couple just married_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I have had bad experiences in love and got my heart broken, several times by people who walked in and out of my life without once making my heart their home. And this made me believe that maybe, I was not meant to find true love. Not everyone in this world is lucky enough to experience what love is, and maybe… just maybe I am one of them.

Suggested read: Why letting go of a relationship isn’t as simple as it seems

Often, I hear people saying that I’m not good at expressing my feelings, particularly when it comes to love. What they don’t understand is that saying I love you for me is something so much more than achieving a milestone in a relationship. I don’t like to say it just for the sake of it, but I want to make the other person feel my love.

couple in love_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I want to let them feel the desire and craving I have for them with the look of my eyes. I want to make them experience love like never before, every time I let my lips meet theirs. I want to make them feel my love for them with my actions rather than my words. It is as simple as that!

People think that I am rude, an introvert, or someone who is incapable of experiencing an emotion like love. What they don’t understand is that the need of saying these three magical words has lost its importance for me. They don’t even seem magical to me anymore. We are living in an age when people say “I love you” as frequently as they change their clothes. I might be a little old-school, but I know that I won’t hurt anyone with my broken promises or lies. For I know, how it feels to be told that you are loved, when you aren’t.

couple disagreement_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

I could remember the time when I used to believe that love was something magical too. I used to say I love you effortlessly. But then people walked out of my life, just a few seconds after saying those words, making me realize that they never really meant it.

Suggested read: How I am getting over you

“I love you, but…” they said, which made me realize that every “I love you” comes with a  condition. But love is unconditional, right?

So I stopped. I stopped saying these words to every person that I fell in and out of love with, letting them experience my love for them in a way that didn’t need reassurance.

couple hugging_New_Love_Times

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

I don’t say “I love you” to people that easily. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t love them. I showcase my love by preparing those morning breakfasts for them, or while calling them in the middle of work to know how they are doing. I showcase my love by respecting their parents and being with them no matter what. I let them know how much I love them by making plans for spending my entire life with them, and while singing them all the romantic ballads, no matter how bad my voice sounds. I love them when they laugh and I love them when they cry. I love them while I watch them fall asleep – to dreams of a love that needs no verbal definition.

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Article Name
Why I Have A Hard Time Saying I Love You
It's not just about saying I love you, but a promise to keep...
Bhavya Kaushik

Bhavya Kaushik

A national bestselling author, Bhavya believes that too often the stories we write paint the reality we try to escape from. Bhavya believes in breaking the stereotypes and trying new things because life is too short to let it stay boring. With his love for verse, he can be found avidly blogging about life, love and everything that covers in between. He lives his life by the motto, 'I'm the story of my own journey.' "I don't write stories. I write characters."