Saying sorry is often the first step toward healing deep seated wounds in your relationship. The only problem is saying sorry is often not as easy as it sounds. Remember the words to the beautiful Tracy Chapman song, “Sorry, is all that you can say… words don’t come easily, like I love you, I love you… forgive me.” Saying sorry may not in itself appear to be the panacea to all ills in your relationship, yet it highlights emotion, your emotion. It exemplifies feelings of compassion, of warmth. Saying sorry is another way of saying, “I care about you, and the way you feel is important to me.”
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By saying sorry, you open the door to not only your own emotions, you open the door to your partner’s emotions in the process. How do they feel about your acknowledgement? In the second stanza of her beautiful song, Chapman reflects when singing, “And you can say baby, baby can I hold you tonight, maybe if I told you the right words, at the right time, would you be mine?”
Often, the emotional release that comes with acknowledging your sorrow for hurting and wounding your partner opens your relationship up to exploring each other’s intimate thoughts and concerns. In confronting these difficult heart-felt issues, couples are then more likely to say exactly what it is they are feeling. By speaking truthfully with one another, by being honest with one another, couples are then able to come closer together in the knowledge that there is mutual trust and respect underpinning their relationship. There is a genuine feeling of compassion present between one another. Saying sorry is ostensibly another way of saying, I care about you.
Unfortunately, words mean little without actions. In saying sorry, you actually have to mean it. The power to heal or fix a relationship can be found in the words “I’m sorry,” though if these words are not from the heart, if they are not backed up by your actions, they are in fact, meaningless.
“Do what you say, say what you mean,” is a much coined phrase today, but it is indeed an apt phrase to be relied upon when working on fixing a relationship. Don’t just say you are sorry to your partner. Mean it. Exemplify your sorrow and contrition through your future actions. You could find that saying sorry to your lover was the best thing you ever did. You could find that in saying sorry “maybe, just maybe, you can hold them tonight.”
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