I know you think I am that b**ch that stole your husband, but I wanted to let you know that I only got involved once I was sure that your marriage was truly over. No, I am not the predatory hyena waiting in the side lines to pick at your relationship-carcass but it was something that just happened.
I hope you can understand, I didn’t choose to fall in love with Ankit, but our chance meeting at the cafeteria common to our respective companies, us reading sequels of the same series, as we sat across each other, it was serendipity.
Within weeks , we became friends… while I was an open book , he was more reserved. It felt like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, I often joked all hell would break loose when “ Ankit Shrugged” and then he did, it did. One evening, 5 months from our initial meeting in a slightly tipsy state , he became loose lipped. He didn’t say anything bad about you, he respected you too much, but I realized that he was broken .
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As he talked, I saw your relationship unravel before my eyes… your companionship, your joint triumphs, your families, all shrouded by the insidious layer of hate, anger and manipulation. Let me be honest with you, at a subconscious level he felt angry and trapped that you had forced him into a marriage when he wasn’t ready. Your threatening to commit suicide if he didn’t marry you, was the start of many small pockets of distrust that would bubble up into something much larger, making him reach a stage where he didn’t really give a damn.
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It has been 2 years now, since we first got together. Our love for each other has grown , we battled through shame, anger, guilt. At one level it felt so right at another level so wrong. If we had to go by labels , he was the philandering husband and I the ‘floozy,’ the mistress. It wasn’t so simple. We tried to stay away but at a deeper level we just understood each other… common interests, mutual respect, uninhibited laughter. In the midst of all of this chaos, our connection was the calming influence. He knew just what to say, how to behave… labels, expectations – all a thing of the past. Here we were unashamed of how we felt and ready to share it with the world.
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But I have to say, being with Ankit was like taking a literal lesson in love. He was so emotionally broken, I still suffer the consequences. We have dated, we explored the possibility of living together, we implicitly acknowledge to the world at large that we are a couple, but I still don’t have his complete emotional commitment. He is with me and still not. I live in the
hope that someday soon, he will truly be able to let the past go … and be with me in the complete sense.
They say that there is magic in beginnings, they are full of surprises, and you never know what will happen. I hope Ankit and you both find it in your hearts to forgive each other and realize that you are both good people, but in a bad relationship. We all make mistakes and sometimes leave a lot of tears and heartbreak in our wake. Till then, you and I will have a connection, one where we love the same man… Just differently.
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