Before you assume that taking your ex back is a bad idea, let me ask you a question.
Are you the same person you were a few years back?
Okay – let’s not track back to a few years. Were you the same person the last year?
Probably not, right?
With time and experience, we all change. Your ex is no such exception. Chances are that the person you broke up with might not be the same person you are dealing with in the present. After all, certain experiences in life can change us on a fundamental level.
There is an instant chemistry and something too deep with that relationship. Call it a sense of familiarity or the joy of getting a second chance, dating an ex can sometimes be a fulfilling experience. It has been over a year since my ex and I got back together and I have to say – it has been one of the most thoughtful decisions of my life. If you still think I’m wrong, then read on and explore when and how having your ex back can be the right thing to do.
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Remember why you both parted ways
If you are not sure of whether to get back with your ex or not, then this will certainly help you make up your mind. Simply track back a little to the time when the two of you decided to call it off.
Firstly, try to understand the reason behind the breakup. Was that a long distance relationship that gradually faded on its own or did they cheat on you? If they did something really horrible, like committing adultery or being dishonest with you, then getting back to your ex might not be a good idea. Though, if the reasons were something as irrelevant as a communication gap, then you should think of it again.
In addition to that, also contemplate on how they ended things with you. If they broke up with you over a text message or in a horrible way, then it certainly speaks a lot about them. If that is the case, then you should be miles away from your ex else as every moment you spend with them in the future will make you remember the heartbreak even more. Nevertheless, if the two of you parted ways amicably and there are no hard feelings, then it will not be tough for you to explore the romance in your relationship again.
Analyze how the two of you have evolved
As I mentioned before, we all change with time. It might happen that over the last few years, they must have evolved as well. Sometimes, in a few months, we can change in a drastic way.
If your ex wants to be in touch with you again and you have parted ways amicably, then I would say that you should not take a step back. Get to know them better first. The best way to do this is by meeting them and having a friendly conversation. In this way, you can learn how they have evolved in the past. For instance, it might happen that a few years back they wanted a casual relationship, but now they are planning to settle.
Not just your ex, you should also contemplate on your life as well. It might happen that the past few months or years could have brought a substantial change in you too. Try to understand how the two of you have evolved with time and whether getting back together seems like a good idea or not. Though, you should take your time and be patient. Get to know them better before you decide anything.
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It is all about the right timing!
We all have read it numerous times. Sometimes, no matter how “right” two people are for each other, if the timing is not perfect, then it won’t last.
The same thing happened with me as well. We were together for a year when one of us moved to a different city. We tried to make the long-distance work, but after a few months of futile attempts, we decided to part ways. Fortunately, last year, we thought of giving it another go as we both live in the same city.
Long story short – at the end of the day, it is all about the right timing. Maybe the two of you were not ready in the past or things could be bumpy in either of your lives. When we let go of someone special because of the wrong timings, there is always a sense of regret. If you are one of those people who have got a chance to undo this mistake, then you should not miss this chance.
Do you both want the same things now?
One of the major reasons why relationships don’t last is because people have different priorities. For instance, you could have wanted to have kids in the long run while your partner might be uncertain about it. Things like this can be a dealbreaker at times. Breaking up might seem like the right thing to do back then, but does the same condition apply now?
With time, our priorities also change and we want new things in life. Chances are that the same person who was uncertain about having kids would like to start a family now. The best way to know this is by having an honest discussion with your ex. Try to be straightforward and ask them about their short and long-term goals. If you think you two have similar priorities and want the same things in life, then you should certainly think of allowing your ex back.
Imagine your life without them
This one can be a double-edged sword. There are some people in our life we can’t live with, but we can’t live without as well. Just trace back a little and think about the time when you had to let go of them. How did that make you feel? Sometimes, a breakup can change us – it can make us cold and even lead to depression. If you found it extremely hard to move past that phase and know that you can’t do it again – then probably, you shouldn’t.
Though, at the same time, just ask yourself – can you live without him or her? Think of building your whole life without them in it. Do you think it’s worth it? When I was in this situation and didn’t know whether I should give my ex another chance, I thought of the same. The answer was loud and clear. Even though the breakup left me devastated, I couldn’t imagine living in a world without her.
If you know that life without them would not be worth living, then you would have your answer. There is nothing wrong with taking your ex back, knowing that the two of you are just meant to be.
Do you believe in second chances?
At the end of the day, it all comes down to this. Do you believe in second chances?
We all fight with our parents and friends too often. We choose to forgive them almost every time because we know that at the end of the day, people are what matter the most. Just because someone did a bad thing, it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. I’m not asking you to swallow your pride and forgive your ex for breaking your heart. All I want you to do is ask yourself – how much does this person means to you?
Unlike things, people can’t be replaced. It doesn’t matter if you two wanted different things in life earlier or whether it was the wrong timing. What matters the most is how much they mean to you right now and can this lead to a fulfilling relationship. Think it through and you will know the answer.
I’m not going to generalize things here and simply suggest you taking your ex back because every relationship is unique. Your experiences could be vastly different. Nevertheless, I will ask you to take a step back and contemplate a little. There is nothing worse in this life than missing out on a chance that could have changed your life. After all, nobody wants to live a life full of “buts” and “what ifs”.
There is a reason why the two of you decided to be together in the first place, right? Now when you have got a second chance to make it work, it must have happened for a reason. There might be a bigger plan for the two of you that the universe has in stores. You must have spent sleepless nights thinking of what you could have done differently. Now is the time to act on it.
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Sometimes, we need to fall apart just to get back together. Sometimes, we only realize the true worth of a thing only when it is taken away from us. Sometimes, it is just meant to happen a certain way. If you have found the right person at the right time, don’t let your past ruin it. Take a chance. You never know, it might end up changing your life forever.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License