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Are You Turned On By Intelligence? Here Is The Ultimate Dating Guide For a Sapiosexual

Have you ever been asked, “What is the first thing you notice when you meet a person?” with regards to your love life. Chances are that you have. And if you are a self-identified sapiosexual, chances are that you have answered that eternally annoying question with, “intelligence.” However, unfortunately, this quality is in extreme short supply, and even if there are a handful of intelligent people, they tend to be reticent or overshadowed by the masses, so dating prospects are pretty thin. Check out the ultimate dating guide for a sapiosexual, not only to initiate action in your love life, but also to understand more about what sapiosexuality is all about.

Who are sapiosexuals?


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Essentially, sapiosexuals are people who get turned on by intelligence. They skip right over the “I’m hot and you’re rich,” rhetoric when they are meeting prospective partners, opting to search for some sign of intelligence, wit, and wisdom. Many people are under the impression that sapiosexuals are elitists and snobs when it comes to knowledge and intelligence. That is not remotely true, and there is no point stereotyping people who seem to be partial to grey matter.

Suggested read: 20 things you need to know if you’re dating an independent woman

Are you a sapiosexual?


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Take a look at your dating record and think about the kind of people you have dated and enjoyed dating. If ‘intelligence’ and ‘intellectual energy’ are factors that have attracted you most, then you are a sapiosexual through and through. However, if you have not yet found Mr/Ms Right, you have to look out for some signs when you are interacting with people. Typically, a sapiosexual is someone who is attracted when someone who challenges them intellectually during a conversation. If physical appearance, fashion sense, and other surface qualities effectively take a backseat, then you are an established sapiosexual and you are in deep.

5 things that attract you if you are a deep-rooted sapiosexual

To help you further understand whether you are a sapiosexual, here are just some things an ardent sapiosexual would find attractive and arousing in a prospective partner.

1. Correct grammar and spelling in communication


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Sapiosexuals are obsessed with the proper use of language. Irrespective of whether you are texting or emailing or even having a conversation face-to-face, it is important that the person you are talking to takes care of their prepositions, spelling, and capitalizations. If you are a sapiosexual, you will immediately be able to pick up on these signs. When a man speaks impeccably, do not be surprised if you start swooning immediately, because it is impossible for you to find a man unattractive if he has his language game on point.

2. Affinity to books

woman reading a book

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If books and book collections and libraries get you awestruck and spellbound, then you are definitely a sapiosexual. Furthermore, if your love interest is willing to show you their library at home, it is an added bonus! There is nothing more exciting about someone than the fact that they have a book collection and that they are willing to show it to you. The scene is set for countless conversations that will stimulate you – intellectually and otherwise.

3. Reading to you

couple reading together

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This is probably something that you will not be able to resist. Other people might get turned on by romantic gestures. They might get excited when their date goes out of their way to make them feel special and wanted. All it takes for you is them reading a book out loud to you. Just the thought of them reading to you makes you feel all warm and tingly inside. You can also read your favorite book to them in return. If this isn’t pure love, then what is, right?

4. Dates off the beaten path

asking a guy out on a date

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Coffee shops. Parks. Movies. Boring. As a sapiosexual, you demand that your date thinks of unconventional date places, in order to set aflame your sapiosexual excitement. Thinking along the lines of thrift stores, book shops, museums, unconventional restaurants, and tiny joints no one knows about, is likely to help their cause because that is what is likely to impress you the most. It is also the best places to have deep, revealing conversations about each other, and talk about things others would never be able to relate to.

5. Nerdy and proud


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Many people are afraid to reveal their nerdy side, because they think that others would judge them for their obsession with the weirdest things, whether it is books or Star Wars. If you are a sapiosexual, then you probably dig it when they reveal their nerdy side and lapse into a passionate monologue about their favorite things. Books, video games, birds, comic con, whatever it is, you like someone who is passionate about something that is not just skin deep. In all probability, you are what society thinks is a nerd as well, and you love it!

Suggested read: 10 vital things every man MUST know before dating

Finding love as a sapiosexual

Sapiosexuality is a relatively new term that has taken the internet by storm. Although a lot of people can relate to what it stands for, many others are also condescending when it comes to sapiosexuality. More often than not, people who are attracted by intelligence and intellect are called nerds, pseudo-intellectuals, elitists, and snobs, none of which is true. Just because sapiosexuals prefer something different from what is conventionally preferred does not mean they should be segregated and labeled.

It is perfectly normal to have a thing for nerdy librarians and professors and even classmates who are usually quiet, but become a storehouse of knowledge and wit and intellect when they are with the right kind of people. The question is, how do you find the right person for you, and where do you find them?

1. Hang out in libraries

couple in a bookstore

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At the risk of stereotyping, people who hang out in libraries and read and check out books are probably the kind of people you are looking for. So, it won’t hurt if you spend some time in libraries and bookshops, although you probably would not have to make any effort because a quiet library is, after all, a sapiosexual’s equivalent of a noisy bar!

2. Do not be afraid to talk to people

couple talking11

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If you are condescending to everyone, you will never find someone you can satisfactorily date for a prolonged period of time. You have to be tolerant and open-minded; otherwise, you cannot expect others around you to return the favor. In the process, you might end up finding someone whose intellect appeals to you.

3. Do not be afraid to express yourself

In connection to the last point, this is also an important characteristic that could help you find potential dating partners. Even when you are talking to people, make sure you don’t pretend to be someone you are not. After all, birds of a feather flock together – nerdy hotties would not know you are a nerd as well unless you make it clear!

4. Admit your ignorance

couple reading on a bench

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Just because you are a sapiosexual does not mean that you have to know everything under the sun. If you want to find someone who loves you, and someone you can love, then it is important to be honest about yourself not only in terms of the knowledge that you have, but also about the knowledge that you don’t have. The best part is, it is never too late to learn, and with the right person, it will not only be a loving, tender relationship, but also a learning and intellectually challenging experience.

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When you are able to connect with your partner on an intellectual level, then the intimacy and the connection you share becomes more deep-rooted and profound because it is not easy to find someone who is on the same mental wavelength as you. If reading this article has been a journey of self-revelation, hopefully now you have a clearer idea of what you want, why you want it, and how to get it. After all, being a sapiosexual is something to be very, very proud of.

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Article Name
Ultimate Dating Guide For A Sapiosexual
Are you turned on by intelligence? Then you might be a sapiosexual. Check out this ultimate guide for sapiosexuals.
Aishani Laha

Aishani Laha

Bibliophile. Feminist. Unreasonable optimist. I am dangerously obsessed with the English language and the stage is my second home. I still believe in fairy tales and happy endings, and more importantly, that there is nothing that good music and a cup of coffee can’t fix.