Ever since I laid my eyes on you, I was pretty sure that I would rather be spending the rest of my life looking at you than anything else in this world. You made me experience how vast love can be and even though things didn’t work out between us, I was pretty okay with being your friend. As long as I had you in my life, even the tag “just friends” didn’t bother me. In fact, it made me believe how simple things can be between a boy and a girl. You don’t always need to marry your soulmate. Sometimes, the most important people in this world can be our friends, and you were the one who made me believe in the sheer beauty of friendship.
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It took me a while, but I was fine with being your friend, until you made me believe that there was something beyond friendship between the two of us. I’m not the one who can understand the dynamics of love. I’m a simple guy who never hesitates to convey his feelings out loud. But somehow, when it comes to you, I can never really measure the line.
You say we are just friends, yet I’m the one who you call whenever you are not able to sleep at night. You rarely go out with any other friend of yours and the thought of me dating someone else makes you furious as hell. Whenever it rains, I’m the first person who comes to your mind and you never hesitate to sleep all day long at my place. I have seen more rom-com movies with you than anyone else and every time you read something good, you never think twice before sending me a screenshot of it. I enjoy every bit of it – the good and the bad, but how am I supposed to tell my reluctant heart that my dreams are never going to come true after being so close to you.
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Every time you look at me with that glitter in your eyes and hold my hand casually in the subway, my heart skips a beat or two. It makes me believe that there is something between the two of us, which is more than just friendship. Every time I listen to you whispering in my ears, I start imagining a future with you. I know it’s not going to come true and your friendship is all I have, but the hope of overcoming the “just friends” phase, creates a catastrophe inside me.
Suggested read: How I am getting over you
Call me traditional, but I want to be in love with the right person. I believe if it’s not forever, it’s not love. What you and I have – they are just moments or the kind of thoughts that lingers in my mind every time I see your face. Love is for those who can stay together till the end of time, and you are I, what we have comes with an expiry date.
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Don’t make me believe in the kind of everlasting love that can never be experienced by the two of us. It would disintegrate my soul and break my heart into several pieces. Don’t cause this irrevocable havoc inside me just to add another reward to your jar of hearts. I deserve more than this. I deserve an absolution, a closure, a decision – anything at all to give my tired heart some peace.
If we are just friends and you want us to stay that way, don’t make me hope for something more. Don’t cross the line between friendship and love whenever you want. I might fall in love with you all over again and that would end up hurting me more than you can imagine. Stay where you. Keep having me as your friend if you are not sure about us, but don’t make me believe that we both can have our forever. I have always been like this. I either want nothing or the whole damn world.
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