We all have doubts when getting into a new relationship. The whirlwind of infatuation can be both perplexing and exciting, coupled with the looming prospect of immense emotional investment we know we are about to shell out. Here are some useful issues you should keep in mind before you take a relationship forward.
1. Is the relationship an answer to loneliness?
You should be in a relationship because you genuinely like and want to be with the person across from you, and not just because you are lonely and desperate for a relationship. There is nothing wrong with being single. Make sure you are clear on why you want to be with this person before you embark on a relationship with them.
2. Are you on the same page about major milestones?
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A relationship won’t work just because you both relish pizza and Metallica, unless you’re also on the same page about major life milestones like marriage and having children. Your worldviews may not have to be identical for your relationship to work out, but your values and principles on subjects that matter the most should certainly match.
3. How well do you communicate with each other?
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Can you two hold a decent conversation? Do you tell each other about your lives? While you don’t need to know every tiny detail of their day, you should be able to trust each other enough to talk to each other about important issues. Communication is one of the most important elements of a strong, long-term relationship, and there is no point in continuing, if you are just indefinitely prolonging the cute-flirtatious phase, or if all you can carry on are awkward conversations about the weather.
4. How far are you willing to compromise?
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Relationships are also about compromise. Are you willing to give up a few things for him – be it material or emotional? Will they do the same for you? You should know how much and what you can let go of for the sake of the relationship, and whether this commitment is reciprocated. If you don’t think you can change much in your life to make space for them, you should rethink your commitment.
5. How do they treat people lower down the socio-economic ladder?
It is often said that an easy way to judge someone is by observing how they treat people of lower status. Watch how they treat the marginalized and the less privileged. You will get a better picture of how they behave in unexpected situations.
6. How do they cope under pressure?
Every relationship hits a few rocky roads, and if both of you are adept at dealing with stress, it is more likely you can get through the worst of times. What are they like when they are pressurized? While every individual has different ways of coping, it is important that you’re okay with how they handle stressful situations, and vice versa.
7. Do you deal with fights effectively?
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Apart from understanding how they handle pressure, you should also be aware of how they act and react when your relationship is not looking so rosy. Do they bring up past arguments, or involve other people? Are they patient and willing to listen, or can they get violent or even abusive? Are they willing to apologize if they’re wrong? Arguments come up within any relationship, and observing their demeanor in these situations are good indicators of their personality at large. Look out for what is known as “the four horsemen of the apocalypse” – if they are overly critical, contemptuous, defensive, or tend to “shut you off,” then you should do something about it as soon as possible before the relationship turns toxic.
8. Are you able to be yourself?
Are you being your genuine self in this relationship, or are you just trying to fit a certain image that you think they would prefer? A relationship is unhealthy if you have to put up a façade to keep someone in your life. If you are changing everything about yourself to be loved by this person, this relationship is not real and you might want to consider changing that instead.
9. Do you need a relationship to feel complete?
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If you’re getting into a relationship because you don’t feel “complete” without one, then maybe it’s time to discover what it is like to be completely comfortable in your own skin. No one needs to define their identity through their liaison with someone else. You will have a happier relationship, when you feel complete without a second person constantly by your side.
10. Lastly, are you ready?
You know you’re ready for a relationship not when you can’t imagine life with that special someone, but when you don’t want to. Only you can decide when you’re ready to dedicate to someone – no one should be pressurizing you.
Relationships can be beautiful and fulfilling, but they are also like bags of tea – their real flavors can only be truly experienced with slow, careful brewing. Before you make the effort, make sure this individual is truly your cup of tea.
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