If mixing eggnog, cake and tequila wasn’t enough of a goof up at the Christmas party, not to forget the disastrous choice of holiday music invoking tearful fireworks replete with incoherent babbles of past holiday story retellings, New Year’s Eve is close on the heels! Whether you are going to fart mid-party or simply, be caught with your panties down, remember you aren’t alone. We understand that being broke, holidays and the seasonal depression don’t mix quite right and therefore, texting your ex, hearing your grandparents’ talk of their sex life and/or hooking up with a poorer version of Bieber can totally happen! Especially at the New Year party! The good news is that the same sh*t’s happening to everyone. And if you think it isn’t, we’ll might have something that shall change your mind. As a special wrap-up for 2016, we called upon the stars (at the Christmas party at the NLT office) for a friendly chat and lotsa fun! After a few rounds of tequila (minus the eggnog, we just happened to save that one our side), they started talking and how! And because they spilled some real secrets (and we love you guys), we decided to let you in on the fun as well.
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Here’s how everyone is likely to screw up their new year party (that’s right, it’s happening):
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Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You are the best of the lot. Not the one to mince words, you go aggressively after what you want. And while it is always a good idea to get your sh*t done (while sober), spilling out words when you are pi*s-drunk may not be the sweetest thing! Especially so if you are telling your ex about how they liked your bj-s in front of their current girlfriend or asking your boss for a raise with the peppermint cocktail-stink heavy on your breath!
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Now you are the tough one. Stubborn, possessive and unrelenting, you can add life to all drunk-and-heated arguments at the party. However, if you are there to let your hair down and have a guilt-free night, remember to flush down the I-am-always-right trait. And since, we know that that’s not happening, we know how this one’s gonna go down! You may get ghosted or dumped, by the by!
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You are the life of the party- but make sure you do not down one too many or you may end up embarrassing yourself. How, you ask- well, if you must know, you already know you have no qualms saying or doing anything. And when your inhibitions are at an all-time low, you may be caught talking to yourself or, erm, doing things to yourself!
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You may end up telling someone just how crazy you are about them and come off as a special version of ‘crazy’ yourself. What’s more, before you may have had the courage to spit out half your confession to your ‘crush,’ the world would have made a celebrity out of you. Instagram videos, Facebook memes and viral posts- you’d be a star in your own right. There’s no such thing as bad publicity, eh? 😉
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
You may end up drinking and sharing more than you’d like (especially, when you learn about it the morning after). So, throw away the mic and avoid letting people know all about your first time! They don’t need to know of that fart and other stinky details!
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
Now you are always all about the work and play’s naturally missing from your life. However, when it’s about the New Year party, all bets come off. Just remember not to drown you draught in an avalanche of drunken revelry or else you may not recall the face you wake up to in the morning. What’s more, it might not even be a pleasant or a friendly one!
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
You are just sad about being single. And if you aren’t, you are sad about being ‘committed.’ However, know this, Libra, make use of this time and have some fun- because nobody gives a sh*t about your sadness. Oh, and yes, because you are being vocal about it- you are going home alone!
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
You may be talking work to half the people at the party- and guess what, they’d give you some of their own! And people said you didn’t know how to PARTAYY!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
You do not know how to keep it brief! You aren’t in there for small talk and you shall wash over your audience with a flood of tell-it-like-it-is in-detail talk, something that not everyone at a PARTY might be in for. Especially if what you are talking about is the mechanism of sh*rting!
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)
You are already drunk before you have entered the party. Just make sure that you do not roll your pants down and start showin’ ’em all you’ve got the moves before you get in, or else you just might not make it in through the door! And public nudity, from what I’ve heard last, is still a crime. Add to that your drunken belief that you are in queue to enter the pub and the murderous mood the delay’s putting you in and boy, oh boy, are you scr*wed!
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
You are the best one at the party. Nice, charming, sociable- except when someone pulls off one that doesn’t sit well with your handbook of right and wrong. You will tell them off, and it wouldn’t matter if that person is a friend, a colleague or worse, your boyfriend’s boss! Remember before you speak the unspeakable, Aquarius, you might end up drowning your New Year’s kiss, let alone any action!
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Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
You may show up in the wrong attire or spill your drink or do something to draw the laughs. And you, for sure, wouldn’t be the one joining in. So, make sure you don’t repeat the high school clown act all over again- because seriously, Pisces, one dose was enough. For this lifetime!
What are your plans for New Year’s? Tell us all about it in the comments below.
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