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7 things to know if you plan to date an introvert

Today, contrary to what one may think, it has become difficult to distinguish between introverts and extroverts. If you are wondering why, consider the explosion of communication channels with the pervasive influence of social media. On Facebook, Twitter or WhatsApp, introverts can share their views and express themselves without having to meet people in person. The point is that, thanks to these virtual experiences, they are able to make as many friends and interact with as many people as extroverts can.

So, you may come across this girl on Twitter and begin following her. Her tweets intrigue you and her views attract you. If you happen to be an extrovert and you think she isn’t, before you plan to date an introvert, it is good to bear in mind the following points.

1. Know yourself

man thinking

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To begin with, self-awareness is hard to come by. All of us think we know ourselves well and we implicitly assume that we are intelligent than the majority when it comes to our judgments. Since this assumption is rooted in bias, it is good to validate by techniques like the Myers-Briggs personality test, for example. It is a scientifically proven technique and at times, the results can be quite in contrast to your assumptions.

2. Knowing the personality type helps empathy

personality type

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There are scores of “axioms” and “home-truths” about introverts, and each of these can be interpreted to suit the context. So, statements like “Opposites attract” and “Introverts and extroverts can’t get together” should be taken with a pinch of salt. Knowing each other’s personality types only helps in empathy. It should help you understand your date better and be more receptive and open.

3. Be aware of your stereotypes about introverts


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It is good to revisit your stereotypes about introverts. In many instances, we take the route that is easy – quick conclusions, broad-based bucketing of people based on race, gender and stereotypes about perceived traits including introversion.

4. Introversion is not the same as shyness

i am an introvert

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The key distinction is that introverts may be perfectly comfortable being alone and may have no problems interacting with complete strangers. They don’t necessarily feel awkward in social interactions, though they may not desire these interactions beyond a certain degree in the first place. Shyness on the other hand will lead to frustration in social settings and can leave the person extremely agitated.

5. Be patient

couple looking out over the water

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If we are impatient in the early stages of dating someone and getting to understand them, we have only ourselves to blame. Though we have 20:20 matches and league formats of every game one can think of, though we jump jobs at the slightest signs of discomfort, it is always good to wait it out especially with an introvert. He or she may not hang out immediately with your friends or join you at a party you are planning for the Friday night. This is because of who they are as people and has got nothing to do with who you are.

6. Prepare a give/get ratio

couple eating ice cream

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Though this may sound like mathematical mumbo-jumbo, any relationship is ultimately a mutual give and take exercise. Expecting an introvert to always join your friends will lead you nowhere. Consider working out a give/get ration, wherein you take time off your social engagements and spend with her, and she in turn joins you when you party.

7. Make an effort to understand your date’s friends and interests

couple eating icecream

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Introverts usually have a few good friends. They are great listeners and have an intuitive sense of empathy. Be prepared to make an effort to reach out and know her friends slowly. Find out what she likes doing (she may like reading or painting or going on a long walk) when she is alone and without being intrusive, give her your companionship.

In the end, a relationship is all about mutual respect, encouragement, and a tolerance for your partner’s interests. Introversion or extroversion is just another personality trait, nothing that restrains an effort to understand. So, go ahead and date that introvert!

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Article Name
7 things to know if you plan to date an introvert
Introversion and shyness are two different things. Here's what you need to know if you plan to date an introvert.
Aashish N

Aashish N

Aashish is from Chennai but loves Bangalore ever since he moved there to work. He read more novels than academic books in his college life. He loves travelling, trekking, cycling, reading, theater, philosophy, blogging and Bollywood movies. He lives by the axiom, 'Normal is boring'.