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Do Small Lies In A Relationship Hurt? We Have An Answer

Truth be told, we all lie, oftener than we care to admit. We want to make others see us from a different perspective and in that process, often take the assistance of a few harmless lies. When you are in a relationship with someone, you always think of the long run. You want your partner to treat you well and be honest with you. People lie in a relationship with different motives. Sometimes, our whole intention is to impress our partner and let them assume highly of us. As harmless as small lies in a relationship might seem at times, it can lead to some serious complications in the future.

Suggested read: When you are ice and he’s fire, on navigating conflicts in relationships

Though, there are times when we lie only to avoid a hostile situation. We believe that by keeping our partner in the dark, we can avoid a fight or an argument. Yes, you might avoid it for some time, but you can’t get away with it your whole life. Sooner or later, they will come to know about it and it might cause more damage to your relationship than good. A white lie is still a lie and no one can deny this fact. The moment you lie to your partner, you take away their prerogative to know the obvious. You stop being honest with them and might lose the right track in your relationship. Before you simply come up with a lie, ask yourself if it is really necessary. Is there really no other way than taking away their right to know the truth?

Think about it. Give it a thought and ask yourself this simple question.

Are small lies in a relationship harmless?

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Well, the answer is both – yes and no. Considering the exact moment, when you take the assistance of white lies and avoid an unnecessary conflict – they can be harmless. You might even believe that you did the right thing by not hurting your partner and leading the kind of argument that could have been easily avoided. But what about the future? Can you sustain that lie for the rest of your life? Chances are that to cover that single lie, you have to cook a whole new story. You would always be a little cautious before uttering anything in front of them.

Everything you do would be a series of well-calculated moves. You won’t be able to cherish your relationship at its best. Instead, deep within, you would try to keep covering that lie. Trust me, it can’t be worth it. If it is consuming so much time and energy of yours, then it certainly can’t let you attain a transparency in your relationship.

What is the motive of the lie?

Is it good or bad? Or are you simply indecisive? Too often we lie only to protect our loved ones. We don’t want them to get hurt and coming up with a fabricated truth sometimes seem like the most obvious solution. Here is the deal! You can’t take such a big decision on the behalf of your partner. You are not entitled to make a choice here. Even if it is supposed to hurt them, it would happen for their own good. It could be the universe’s way of making them a stronger individual. Everything in this world happens for a reason. Don’t be a mere obstacle by coming up with a lie. Sooner or later, the universe will find a way to surpass it.

There is this thing about truth – it has a way of coming out. You can’t keep it guarded for the rest of the time. You can simply protect the immediate repercussion of it, but what about its long-term effect?

What would be the long-term repercussion of it?

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Think over it before you try to utter another lie or cook some imaginary story to cover your tracks. If you think your relationship is so fragile that it can’t handle the truth, then you got to do some introspection. When we start dating someone, we do our best to impress them. In that process, we sometimes lie about our roots or even our job in a casual way. If you have made the same mistake, it is high-time you come clean to your partner. There is no relationship in this world that can sustain for years with a false formation.

Truth and honesty are the building blocks of any relationship. If you are thinking for the long haul and would like to spend the rest of your life with your partner, then there should be no reason for coming up with a lie. We lie when we think of our today and not of our tomorrow. Try to change this perception of yours. You might get away with something or protect your partner from getting hurt in the present, but the truth will come back to you (and them) with a greater intensity in the future. No matter what your intention could be, it will hurt your partner in an exponential way.

Suggested read: Confessions of a chronic yes girl

It leads to the misinterpretation of the truth.

You need to understand that you won’t be around all the time to give an explanation to your partner. They might catch you off-guard or worse, can discover the truth in the most unimaginable way. They might even end up embarrassing themselves in front of others as well. In your absence, they can simply interpret the truth in their own way. Your intentions won’t matter to them anymore. They would be hurt and chances are that it can cause some serious damage to your relationship.

Before coming up with those small lies in a relationship used under the guise of protection, you need to take a step back and ask yourself – is your relationship so fragile that it can’t face the truth? Do you really think that your bond is so weak that it can be broken in an instance?

If your answer is “yes”, then your relationship is going through a rough phase. You need to make an effort in order to mend it or decide if you really want to stay with your partner or not. If a simple fact can cause irrevocable chaos in your relationship, then chances are that you want to take a stand and decide if you want to move ahead or not. If you know your relationship is strong enough and can take the hard-hitting truth, then you don’t need to worry about anything at all. You are not required to lie or cover anything.

A half-truth is a whole lie.

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We all have read this proverb when we were kids. Nevertheless, sometimes it takes more than just a classroom lesson to learn the dynamics of life. There are times when we provide only a fabricated version of the truth to our loved ones to avoid an argument. This can sometimes cause more harm to your relationship than good. A half truth can have a disastrous impact, as it will make your partner question your intentions. If you think you can’t be honest with them, simply wait for the right time and place.

Just be subtle and politely let them know that you will have a discussion with them at the right time. Have a more pragmatic approach and don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment. By this way, you will not only save your partner from getting hurt, but will also stay honest in your relationship as well.

It can cause a lack of trust in your relationship.

Needless to say, you can’t simply make your significant other to look at the entire situation from your perspective. At the end of the day, you would be the culprit for them. It all depends on the degree of your lie. If it is really something that can change their entire life, then their anger and disappointment are completely justified. They might feel dejected and disheartened, knowing that you have broken their trust.

After a while, that lie would start defining your entire relationship. Your partner would unknowingly judge you for that one crucial thing and your relationship might never be the same again. Frankly, you can’t even blame them as well. A lie is a lie – there is no other way to say it. You can sugarcoat it a little, but it would still have the same impact in your life.

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You can’t avoid it your whole life.

Instead of merely procrastination, why not face the music and rip off the bandage. By delaying it, you would only fuel it and make things worse. Yes, a truth might hurt your partner or can even cause a temporary dysfunction in your relationship. But as long as your bond is strong, the two of you would be able to surpass it. Life is all about taking chances and accepting new and exciting things. You are supposed to fight with your partner on the most irrelevant of issues. It is of utmost importance to grow with them and overcome every obstacle.

Instead of simply avoiding things or sugarcoating your lie, let it all out. Be more honest and truthful in your relationship and don’t give your partner a reason to fall out of love. Give them the whole of yourself and walk an extra mile for them. In life, you have to make a few hard choices sometimes. It might not be the easiest thing to do, but it would definitely be the right thing, and all the right things in this world are so damn worth it.

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Article Name
Do Small Lies In A Relationship Hurt? We Have An Answer
Small lies in a relationship can lead to BIG complications!
Bhavya Kaushik

Bhavya Kaushik

A national bestselling author, Bhavya believes that too often the stories we write paint the reality we try to escape from. Bhavya believes in breaking the stereotypes and trying new things because life is too short to let it stay boring. With his love for verse, he can be found avidly blogging about life, love and everything that covers in between. He lives his life by the motto, 'I'm the story of my own journey.' "I don't write stories. I write characters."