Glancing occasionally at the happy, gooey couple, angry Puddle of Mudd song playing in your head, you stride towards the nearest dark corner to hide yourself . Questions fill your brain in an unending torrent.
“Why him? Why not me?”
“She laughs at my jokes, does she laugh at his?”
“Is he not losing hair?”
“Sure he is, I wonder how long it is before she leaves him for me?”
By the time you reach the last one, you fail to notice the people squirming around you because of that big, fat grin you suddenly have plastered on your face.
Oh, to be jealous in love. It can drive a seemingly sane person to the limits of lunacy. In his book “Dark Lover”, J.R. Ward described it as having a splitting headache, a near irresistible urge to commit murder and an inferiority complex, all at the same time. We’ve all been jealous and we have all had our fair share of grotesque “Cannibal Holocaust-ic” fantasies towards that other person. Breaking your head over it brings about a wide assortment of feelings from crazed, gleeful, palm rubbing to utter despair to pretty disturbed (hopefully this holds true for whoever nodded at the part about having holocaustic fantasies).
So what can you do when you’re jealous? There’s always this..
Not falling in love again might seem like the easiest possible answer and is usually the go-to resolution post heartbreak but seldom works and never lasts.
Instead, wouldn’t it be better if you harnessed the jealousy inside to motivate you? Maybe the next time you’re moping, it might not be such a bad idea to try it out.
Find out what makes you jealous
No, I don’t mean one-liners like “______ likes _______” or “I can’t have what he/she is having” but rather the actual cause for what makes you go green. There could be a surprising list of reasons lying beneath your initial assessment of the situation. Tackling one will not make it go away, the monster has many heads. Sit down and consider every attribute where you feel discontented compared to your “arch-nemesis”.
Convert your jealousy to a motivator
Jealousy inspires competition like nothing else. Take a cue from the world of sports. Ali vs Frazier, Lauda vs Hunt, Messi vs Ronaldo, Potter vs Malfoy are all great sporting rivalries ( that Potter one is fantasy fiction more than sports but you get my point ) that have been ignited by one’s envy towards the other.
If it is possible for you to compete with the person you’re jealous of, go ahead. The added adrenaline that comes with challenging a rival always makes things fun and if you win, there’s the feeling of triumph to make you feel even better. (Please note that it is still not OK to compete over who can put more cookies into their mouth. No one wins)
Most situations in life though do not necessarily permit direct competition. But when you’re all fired up, there needs to be an outlet. Enter self-improvement. Try to develop new skills or improve upon existing ones. It could be in your sphere of work or outside but the results of getting better at whatever you’re doing will definitely raise your spirits by a notch or two. Self – improvement can never let you down.
Do not become a loner
Feelings of jealousy can make people as insufferable to you, as you are to them. It is a common practice to brood alone and lick your wounds but it’s counter-productive.
Spend your time with other people. There is a high possibility that while being mired in your feelings you have ignored people around you. Remove your green-tinted glasses and desire company again. It is a welcome distraction, you might get some very insightful perspectives related to your problem and who knows, you might just meet someone new while you’re at it.
In the end, the choice is yours. The next time “Away From Me” starts to play in your head, you can turn it off and choose to do the above
… or you can pick up a tub of ice cream, wear your most comfortable pyjamas and watch “My Best Friend’s Wedding”.