We all know the phrase, “Love happens when you least expect it.” This is because the love we want often comes from a person from whom we are not expecting it. Women who struggle in dating tend to hang their hopes on a particular man, only to be repeatedly disappointed in the dating process. These women spend so much futile and wasted time “liking” the wrong men. In a nut-shell, when you place a laser-focus on one man and close your eyes and heart to anyone else, you may very well prevent yourself from meeting your ‘unexpected one!’
Personal experience has given me this valuable insight that I now share with you.
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There was a time when I was seeing a man for whom I had strong feelings. I could have easily allowed myself to get sucked up into the pattern of focusing all of my attention on this one man; waiting around to see what might occur with him and only him. I knew, however, from my past experiences with men I really liked, that this ‘I only have eyes for you’ strategy was not the way to succeed in love.
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I had made a plan that I was to meet my “one” within that year. I had done the math. I was sick of wasting my precious time and energy (sometimes months or years) on the wrong men. I pushed myself to continue exploring all of my options… Had I not kept my eyes and heart open, I would not have met the wonderful man I now call my husband!
Strategically, I kept things slow with all of the men in my world; this put me in the position to be able to CHOOSE who I wanted to be with. I was able to explore multiple opportunities until the exact right person came along.
When that person comes along, you may not even recognize that he’s right in front of you. Taking your time to watch who shows up for you in a meaningful, nurturing, and consistent way is vital on your path to finding your one.
Remember that a man and all of his perceived “good qualities” are COMPLETELY USELESS TO YOU UNLESS THAT MAN IS SHOWING UP FOR YOU IN WAYS THAT PROVE HE WANTS TO BE PART OF YOUR WORLD.
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It is of key importance that you keep your options open until a man you desire, the man who is in it to make your life better, has shown up for you consistently over time, and has proven that he is INVESTED IN YOU.
I know that you are so crazy busy and it feels impossible for you to see more than one man at a time. Or, when you “like” a man, it’s impossible for you to enjoy other dates? Perhaps you feel guilty seeing other men? Yes, I get it! I’ve been there before! But it’s time to start exploring and enjoying multiple options at the same time.
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Here are some ways of dating multiple men while keeping your sanity and peace of mind!
1. Set clear boundaries on your time.
Just because a man wants to see you more than once a week, does not mean that you need to jump through hoops to see him. Even though you enjoy seeing him, it is your job to slow things down. When a man is excited about a woman, he can be like a blind pilot taking off into the mountains. He’ll fly higher and faster until he rams the relationship right into the side of a large, unforeseen mountain!
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You have to control your time and your schedule, and you need to show him that your time is extremely valuable – to YOU. Your time should be earned by consistency from a man. You wouldn’t get into a plane with a blind pilot, would you? Allow him to drive the relationship, but take it upon yourself to decide when things should take off and fly to newer heights. Only go there with a man who has proven he is worthy of your time.
When we jump in too soon and jump through hoops for a man, he does not see us as a high-value woman. A high-value woman cherishes herself so much that she keeps her own life intact. Her life does not suddenly change or open up because one seemingly interesting man has come along on her pathway. Pick one weekday and one weekend day for dates with a man you are interested in.
2. Get organized.
Getting ready for dates: hair, makeup, clothing, etc., take tremendous energy. It isn’t easy to have your nails constantly well-manicured, your hair done properly, and your multiple “winning” outfits ready for the wearing. Set up two time slots for dates per week. You will see two different men in the time slot. That’s 4 dates a week. That could be sixteen new possibilities per month. A recent client put this strategy into play after dating unsuccessfully for a decade. She was engaged within the year! This new strategy allowed my client to put more energy into herself and make more of a game out of dating. Dating became fun for her, and her positive vibrations were magnetic to men – certainly to the one who proposed!
3. Slow things down to get what you want faster.
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It seems counter-intuitive, but you must slow it down to get the commitment you seek! Say NO to multiple dates with the same man in one week. This is moving too quickly. See how he reaches out and behaves in between dates. When you are seeing the same man two times or more in one week, it is impossible to stay objective and open to other opportunities.
4. No more laser focus!
How can you date multiple men when you only like one certain man? This is an everyday challenge for most daters! You are not alone. When, however, you are focused on one man, you are setting yourself up for real issues in your dating world. Lean back from “liking” a man until you know he is invested in you. Realize that people have all sorts of criteria. Who are you to assume that you’re one of his criteria? It’s not really your problem, anyhow. Simply stay focused on meeting interesting people and continue to explore the ones that show up for you consistently.
5. Practice.
Use all of these dates to practice keeping the focus on yourself so that when the one comes along who piques your interest highly, you will have multiple prospects and will be well-versed on not keeping a laser focus.
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6. Slow down on the physical contact.
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This will keep your head screwed on straight and not overly focused on a certain somebody, simply because you had sex with him.
Follow these strategies and watch how much more fun dating can be! Allow men and their energies to flow toward you. Don’t bother with anyone who doesn’t “stick.” Simply let them go. Keep seeking out new options and energies. Keep moving forward until the right one comes along.
I urge you to allow love to happen when you least expect it!
Featured image source: datingafterfortyeight
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