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7 spiffy tips to get past the 7-year itch

When you get married, you view the world through rose-tinted glasses. Everything appears beautiful and you feel like the luckiest person on earth. A year down the line, the novelty fades away, but you fall into a comfortable routine with your spouse and are still glad to be married. Then what happens when you reach the 7-year mark?

The fact is that 7 here is just a number and the itch in question can happen anytime a few years into marriage, somewhere between 5 – 10 years of being together as a couple. It is referred to a loss of interest of the couple in each other, leading to an unsatisfying and unproductive relationship.

A couple’s relationship is never constant; it ebbs and flows, which is perfectly normal. But this is different from a 7-year itch, where the ebb and flow is more persistent and over a longer period of time. A 7-year itch is usually characterized by a general listlessness in the relationship – less communication, less sex, and frequent quarrels/disagreements.

Common Reasons leading to a 7-year Itch

1. Kids


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By this point, most families have one or more kids, with at least one under the age of five. Kids are hard work, and this can take a toll on the family, especially the mother. Lack of sleep and more housework can lead to frazzled nerves.

2. Finances

More kids usually translates into more expenses. This is also the stage many couples decide to buy a home or upgrade to a family car, which can cause a lot of financial stress like loans, mortgage, etc.,

3. Jobs

man stressed

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By this point, most young couples have become settled in their jobs, but many might not be satisfied with the way their careers are going. Financial burdens don’t give them the opportunity to walk out of their jobs and moms who’ve decided to stay home post childbirth have added feelings of inadequacy.

4. Parents

Your own parents and in-laws are growing older and they are probably facing health problems of their own these days. This means more stress and more time away from each other.

While these are general life stressors, in combination, they can take a toll on your relationship with your spouse. To spice things up and keep the itch away, here are a few easy tips to follow.

7 Ways to get past the 7-year itch

1. Life goals

common life goals

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Since your family is going through some major changes, this is the best time for you and your partner to sit down and reassess your life goals. Would you like more kids? Do you want to get back to work once the kids are older? Do you want to relocate? Get all the major stuff out of the way, and you’ll both feel much lighter. Once you’ve made your goals, make a plan. Maybe you want to save money for a foreign trip, or take a course to rise in your career – whatever it may be, make a plan, and work together towards your goals. When you’re both on the same page, you’ll feel more in sync with each other.

2. Small acts of love

man kissing a woman's forehead (3)

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Happiness is in the little things, they say, and they couldn’t be more right! During our busy lives, every tiny gesture counts and can make a huge difference to our day. A peck on the cheek when he’s leaving, a foot rub when she’s tired, a small gift, his favorite dish – these things hardly take too much effort, money or time, but it can make your spouse feel loved and cared for.

3. Sex

couple in bed (8)

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Sure, you’re probably already doing this, but how enjoyable is it? Now that you’re way past the honeymoon phase, intimacy can feel like another boring routine that you execute by going through the motions. Spice things up by surprising your partner with something new, and he’ll return the favor! Good physical intimacy goes a long way in increasing happiness in a relationship.

4. Together time

couple spending time together

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There are many families who barely spend five minutes together every day. Have a routine where the kids go to bed early and the two of you can spend some time together. You don’t even have to talk during this time; just being together can cement your bond and remind you that the two of you have a relationship too, besides being Mom and Dad.

5. Date night

couple kayaking

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This is a pretty clichéd suggestion, so why not take it a step further and make it a weekend date? If you have obliging grandparents to take care of the kids for a couple of days, you’ll be able to have a mini-honeymoon and do kid-unfriendly things like scuba diving or paragliding. This is a lovely way to get in touch with the partner you fell in love with all those years ago.

6. Family time

family time

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Sure, date night is important, but that doesn’t mean that when the kids are there, you stop talking to each other. Plan to spend time as a family too, and make it fun, so that it’s memorable for all of you. This further enhances the feeling that you’re all part of a team and will stick together no matter what.

7. Self-love

woman at peace with herself

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Nothing can help if you don’t love yourself. Most people let themselves go just a short time into their relationship, and they stop caring about their appearance or health. Sure, beauty is only skin deep, but looking and feeling good and healthy go beyond that. Put in effort to make yourself feel good – whether it’s taking a spa day or making time for that run you’ve been meaning to go for a long time. You’ll feel much more confident and your partner will fall in love with you all over again.

The 7-year itch doesn’t have to be a self-fulfilling prophecy for every couple; these simple steps will help you get past it. Taking care of yourself and your relationship increases mutual satisfaction and happiness, and give you the strength to tide over tough times.

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Article Name
7 ways to get past the 7-year itch
Most relationships go through the 7-year itch. But it doesn't have to spell doom. Here are 7 spiffy tips to help you get past that dreaded 7-year itch.
Fabida Abdulla

Fabida Abdulla

Fabida is an erstwhile Software Engineer and current Freelance Writer cum stay-at-home mom to her boisterous 6-year-old. In between all the writing, baking, nagging, reading, and cuddling, she manages to blog a bit about her crazy life at Shocks and Shoes. []