You meet this wonderful person, fall in love with them after realizing what an amazing individual they are, and the next natural step is to move in together, no? But what nobody tells you about this ‘step’ is that living together with another human being, however much you might love them, is hard work. Hey, nobody ever said relationships were easy, but still, living together before marriage is not to be taken lightly.
You both are two individuals with your own tastes, likes, dislikes, quirks, habits, and idiosyncrasies, and when you two decide to take this next significant step in your relationship and live together, then it has to be because you both WANT to, with all your heart.
So, here are nine brutal truths about living together with someone before marriage that nobody ever tells you, that you need to consider and contemplate before taking the step.
1. Mundane days are more common than dazzling ones
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Every relationship has its own honeymoon phase, and the same is true of a live-in relationship too. The honeymoon phase of living together will pass, and weeknight after work might just consist of dinner, some time in front of the telly, and then sleep. But, this is OKAY! There’s no need for you to put pressure on yourselves to make every day you spend together PERFECT. Even boring and mundane can be just as PERFECT, as long as you both have each other. Frankly, trying to make every day perfect is not only realistic but impossible as well.
2. Romance can fade fairly quickly
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You have to put in considerable effort into romancing your partner who is also your roommate. There are way more days where you’ll think you can do it tomorrow, than there are days where you think you love your partner so much, that you can’t wait to see them. This is kinda sad, but true nonetheless. The passionate and exciting romance of the honeymoon period isn’t the same you have after living together for seven months. You need to be creative with your romance and make it a habit of romancing your partner, regularly. It’s always the little things that matter in the end, like when they do the dishes when you’re too tired after a hard day’s work, or when they bring home take-out because they knew neither of you was in the mood to cook tonight.
3. Farting happens. Period.
And quite a lot too. It’s kind of embarrassing to have your partner witness your bodily functions, and it also robs the mystery out of your personality. But you know what, it happens and is completely natural to go through this when you’re sharing a place with someone. Don’t put too much stock into it because it’s only natural. Just get over it.
4. Finances need to be separate
It’s a known fact that money is one of the biggest factors in divorces. If you make your own money, and they make their own, then your money is yours and his is his. Since you’re not married yet, keep your finances separate, but have a joint account where you set aside an agreed upon amount every month together for dates, vacations, trips, medical expenses and the like. Money always needs to be discussed openly and honestly.
5. Sex isn’t always hot and heavy, and it’s OKAY
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There will be days when you both can’t get each other naked fast enough, and there will be days when you both just want to sleep without the hassle of any action between the sheets because you’re both so tired, and there will also be days where you’re both tired yet excited all at the same time. The third kind are more in number than the former two, and it’s OKAY. It won’t exactly be mind-blowingly awesome but it gets the job done and you’re both satisfied. Even if you think it was mediocre, that was what you both needed at that point in time. But don’t ever let the physical connection and intimacy you share with your partner fade. It only spells trouble for your relationship. It’s human tendency to put sex on the back burner to focus on other important issues, but NEVER let it fade away. At the end of the day, if there’s passion, then you both will figure out the sex part.
6. Respect each other
If there’s no respect, then living together doesn’t work. You have to respect that you are living with another entirely different individual than you and that you both have different ways of leading your lives. It’s not just your home, but your partner’s too. So your hygiene habits may need some tweaking that fits in with you and your partner’s. Shower daily, keep yourself groomed, clean up after yourself, and do the dishes when you’re done with them. Respect doesn’t always mean in an intangible way, but you can show it through your actions and consideration to your partner.
7. Pick and choose your battles
Does he leave the toilet seat up and his wet towel strewn on the bed? Does she leave her beauty accessories all over the bathroom counter and leave her shoes in the foyer? Such minor things don’t need to become major issues where you both have a full blow out. You need to know when and how to pick your battles, lest your home is in danger of becoming a war zone. Patience is virtue, remember.
8. Time apart from each other is needed
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Living together day in and day out will bring you closer as a couple, no doubt about it. But it also has the potential for anything to go unmentioned. So it’s necessary to take a weekend or a few days off with friends or family without your partner. It gives you a fresh perspective, a little break from your partner, and a chance to miss them. Plus, it gives you a chance to catch up with your friends or family and gush about how awesome it is living with your partner. It’s a win-win from anywhere you look at it.
9. You have to jump in with both feet
There’s no way you can prepare yourself for the experience of living together before marriage with your partner. One important thing to ALWAYS keep in mind is that there is no right or wrong way of doing it. You and your partner, as a couple, need to come up with what works for you both. And this needs time, effort, and also practice. So don’t stress yourselves out too much by following someone else’s guidelines and rules. Another thing to keep in mind is that everybody has bad days and encounters highs and lows. But one bad day doesn’t mean a bad life. And in between the highs and lows, there will be a lot of mediocre days. If you choose to enjoy these, then there’s nothing like it. It just means you’re willing to try everything to make it work.
There you go. Keep these brutal truths about cohabitation in mind, and you’ll be good to go.
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