There was a moment. And in that moment, I was able to realize how effortlessly I have surpassed the dating game. We both were covered in ketchup and mustard. I couldn’t even remember which dish we both were trying to cook. But amidst the mozzarella and the chopped vegetables that were scattered all over the counter, I looked at her and realized that she was the one.
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“I’m such a mess!”
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I still remember how she said those words and leaned towards me. There were so many things I tasted in her mouth that day. None of them included the ketchup or the shredded mozzarella. I tasted a forever in her mouth that day – a promise of being together till the end of time. We parted our lips after a while, but the sheer taste of my happiness somehow lingered in my mouth for a very long time.
“You are my mess!”
It was all I could say while looking at the utter mess that the two of us had created around us.
“It is our mess. And I’m really proud of it!”
And I meant it – each and every word of it. It has been quite a few years now since we started dating. Needless to say, we have passed that dating phase now. We don’t call each other our “date” or our “boyfriend/girlfriends” because we know we are more than that. We are partners and that means we are each other’s companion in every sphere of life – the good, the bad, and everything in between.
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I know the two of us have found a perfect balance and share a healthy relationship. Though, it wasn’t that easy in the beginning. Just like every other relationship, we also had our share of good and bad moments. But you know what – that’s the beauty of it.
A healthy relationship isn’t supposed to be perfect.
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The trust is that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. We fight with our friends and family, right? I don’t know about you, but I fight a lot with my best friend. There are times when I disagree on almost everything with my brother. Though, it doesn’t mean that I disrespect them. I adore my best friend and I don’t think there is anyone in this world who can care about my brother more than me. But just because I love them, it doesn’t mean that I won’t fight with them at all!
In fact, the more we fight, the closer we get. Almost every relationship works the same way. Often, we fight on the silliest of issues. There are times when we both lay on the bed and argue whose turn it is to get up and turn off the lights. We have tried numerous times to cook something, but we are so terrible at it that we keep burning our apartment every time we attempt something big.
So, instead of aiming for all those larger than life milestones, we have found our balance in those small things. Every moment in our life matters and we have mastered the art of living it to the best.
You are supposed to disagree with your partner.
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If you are not able to argue or fight with your partner, then consider it as an alarming sign. Chances are that the two of you are not showing your true colors. You can’t pretend to be someone else when you are in love with them. It would never result in a long-lasting and healthy relationship.
I can’t watch Sex and The City with her while she can’t stand The Star Wars. I have seen my parents fighting over politics like rivals. I have seen my friends and their significant other fighting over a choice of restaurant. No matter how small or big your fight is, try to focus on its conclusion. We all are supposed to fight. Consider it as a good sign. If you are able to put your issues aside and meet your partner the halfway, then it only means your partner is more important to you than your ego. Trust me! It is a good thing!
You might feel suffocated or uneasy at times.
This is something which I can tell from my personal experience. When you move past those initial dating days and enter the big league, your life would change upside down. Chances are that it could be a little overwhelming to you at times, especially if you are not ready to be with someone.
Things can get a little tricky sometimes. You need to make sure that you are up for it. Fall in love when you are ready and not when you are lonely. Don’t fall in love because that is the next big step you need to take or because everyone around you is doing the same. No. It is your journey and only you can decide how it is supposed to unfold.
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The sudden change in your life might scare you. You might not feel comfortable enough to be with your partner. There would be a few things about them that you won’t be able to comprehend. No two individuals can be the same, right?
Instead of focusing on all those pitfalls, try to see the good in them. There is no such thing as perfection. You might waste your whole life searching for a flawless relationship. Try to find someone who is perfect for you. If your partner is able to accept you for all your flaws and imperfections, then why can’t you do the same as well?
Focus on the good part. I’m sure you are with your significant other for a reason. Try to focus on those reasons whenever you feel suffocated in a relationship. Maintain your personal space and respect their individuality. This will definitely help you attain a perfect balance and you would be able to focus on the good part.
It is all about moving past that feeling.
We all know that without some sadness in our life, we would forget the significance of happiness. We all need some rain to get our rainbow. Without a little discomfort, you won’t be able to cherish what you have. You are supposed to feel bad and dejected. But that’s okay! If you are able to move pass that feeling for your partner, nothing else would matter.
It will help you prioritize things. You can’t keep holding onto every damn thing in this world. You won’t even realize how effortlessly your partner will change your priorities for the good. There were times when I used to feel this utter sense of discomfort in our relationship. I won’t lie, but there were days when I used to feel incomplete, even when I was with her. It was hard for me to understand.
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I have always been taught that love is supposed to make us feel better and that we can never be sad when we are with our partner. It took me some time to realize how wrong they were. I was taught about an unrealistic idea of love. Yes, your partner will bring out the best in you and you will have a great time with them. But it doesn’t mean that you won’t be sad. You would even get irritated at times.
You would be asked to walk an extra mile for your partner and do the kind of things that you could have never done before. It will make you question the mere existence of love. But it will also help you to be better. You will come out of it as a clear winner by having the one you love by your side!
Stop looking for perfection.
It is not real. There is no such thing as a “perfect relationship”. You will fight with your partner on the most irrelevant of issues and you both would take those life-changing decisions together. You might have to settle for a few things in your life and would make some compromises as well, but it would be all worth it! You would be able to attain that perfect balance by letting go of a few things.
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Think of the bigger picture and it would be a piece of cake for you. Instead of trying to find that perfection in your relationship, focus on what really matters. Try to have a healthy relationship with your partner instead. Yes, it would be messy at times, but at least, it would be your own mess.
It would be all yours. Only you are accountable for your actions. We choose our life with our actions and it’s all up to you. You can either spend your whole life looking for something that doesn’t exist or can focus on what you have to strive for a healthy relationship. Make the right choice and don’t second guess yourself. Don’t look back. Keep going. Dance it out. Be with the one you love. Do all those crazy and stupid things. Make inappropriate gestures. Laugh it out loud. Have no regrets!
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