I was partying with my girls last weekend when something (somebody?!?) gave me reason to pen down this one. Now, you must know, I am pro-flirting – at least, of the subtle, sapiosexual kind. I believe that flirting is quite an intriguing way of gently letting a person know that you are interested in getting to know them. As sexy, exciting, inviting, and desirable as it can be, flirting is, nowadays, being deployed as bird calls to invite people into a relationship or worse, a one-nighter! Now, I do not have a problem with that either – what with the brazen, unabashed style working for many, on both ends of the gender spectrum – but I do have a problem with flirts who use the tactic not taking our hints to back off!
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Such was the jerk I met last Saturday! He docked all my attempts to dodge his rather crude and lewd invites to his ‘pant-party’ (guess Will Ferrell has passed down the worst flirting tips ever and taught an entire generation the wrong thing about pickup lines!) and cared little about the fact that this innuendo-laden puke-worthy style of flirting wasn’t the style I liked and certainly not one that I entertained!
As such, I decided I had to pen down a guide on flirting styles, detail what each entails, what are the things that work, what are the things that don’t, and what calls for a call to the cops (an option I realize I might have done well to use)! And lo, my ready-to-use handbook of flirting styles, with a comprehensive list of time-tested flirting tips that work as a freebie added toward the end, is ready!
Enjoy!
Suggested read: 13 winning pickup lines that shall seal the deal
In an age bathed by social media where friend requests are deemed as a token of evincing interest in someone, where friendliness is also mistaken for flirting, and where the guy you thought you were just striking an interesting conversation about Proust with (coz let’s admit it, how often does that happen) has now gone about the town proclaiming that he has a REAL chance with you, it is difficult to wipe out the blurry boundaries a misled and duped generation has created in and around flirting – but thank God for Jeffrey A. Hall, the author of The Five Flirting Styles who wrote this wonder (after ten years of research and extensive survey) to help me and a million others avoid borderline creeps and the other tagalongs who have crossed the border and invite you to accompany them to the beyond!
These are the five flirting styles Hall mentions in his book:
1. The Physical Style
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The physical style of flirting involves expressing interest through optimal use of body language. The physical flirt has an advanced degree in body cues, knows what he’s got going for him, and isn’t afraid to play it up to his advantage. Quite confident in using his body, he is unafraid to break the barrier of touch, gently touch his crush and express his feelings through his physicality, non-verbal gestures and attractiveness! The positive in this approach is that the physical flirt sparks interest and sexual tension quicker than the rest. However, the con is that people might perceive their everyday manner as sexually charged! The expert rule to follow – rely on your physical attractiveness only up to a certain point. Remember that one’s personality is a more solid parameter for assessing how sexy people perceive you to be!
2. The Polite Style
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The polite style of flirting focuses on proper manners and non-sexual communication. While polite flirts are less likely to come on to a potential partner and generally do not find flirting flattering, they tend to have longer, more meaningful romantic relationships. The basic arsenal in the armory of the polite flirt is genteel behavior and good manners. Always choosing civility over pushiness, this type of flirting involves a courteous upholding of all the rules of courtship and shall never come across as too aggressive or too distant! Downsides of this flirting style may be their inability to appreciate other flirting styles, put the physical feelings on the backburner for the sake of romance and the slow-paced nature of the process itself!
3. The Playful Style
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The style that largely corresponds to my own, this one is fun, vivacious, and bubbly! Meeting new people, getting to know them, breaking the ice with pithy humor or an intelligent remark are all traits of a playful flirt! This kind of flirting often results in crackling chemistry and is very popular, and needless to add, quite interesting and intriguing! The downside, though, is their friendly nature and the ability to mix well with everybody may be misread! Sometimes, though the playful flirts can try and keep those extra shots in check, especially with people they aren’t attracted to!
4. The Sincere Style
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Sincere flirting involves creating an intense emotional connection and communicating sincere interest. Sincere flirts have meaningful romantic relationships that put emotional connection first and sexual chemistry second. Given that their rules of attraction revolve around communication and full disclosure, with an emphasis on the partner’s personality and forging an emotional connection – this form of flirting works really well. The only negative is that they might tend to take the fun out of the flirtation, often!
5. The Traditional Style
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This style upholds traditional gender norms and even embodies the chivalry code. Asking out first, opening doors, clearing the check at dinner, kissing first are all the things a traditional flirt would do! And though it’s nice to sometimes have your car door opened for you whilst you are on the phone, this type of rigid gender role conformity is something that is just not welcome!
Suggested read: Anuptaphobia – is this the reason why you’re a serial dater?
While you are better equipped to place yourself along the spectrum and position yourself, perhaps even midway between two styles to recognize your flirting pattern, rectify the mistakes you are making and maybe, even improve your flirting!
Here are some additional flirting tips for guys to help you ace the art that we call flirting – an art that is used to make you feel sexy, desirable, and one or two-off times to make your partner feel a tad bit jealous! Although, be careful there! 😉
Here we go:
1. Make eye contact
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A gaze that captivates and holds the other’s glance and turns it into a gaze is magical. It makes the person sitting across from you melt away in the moment. Looking at a person you are attracted to is normal, but capturing and arresting their gaze is an art. Direct the energies of your eyes into them and make them feel you through the eye contact – it really is a way to make a person *feel* you … just try!
2. Smile
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And just when you have had him/her locked in your gaze, smile. Not a goofy grin or a full smile – but the hint of a subtle, sexy smile beginning to play across the corners of your lips! Let this light smile light up your eyes, so that your smiling eyes reveal your vulnerability in a strangely strong manner! Let this smile spread across the room, from you to her and light up those eyes you locked in a moment (or was it an eternity?) ago!
3. Make good conversation
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A conversation is testimony to your interesting persona. Make it as intriguing, riveting, and captivating as possible.
4. Keep it short and sexy
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However, do not go on rambling on and on. Compliments are good but do not make it a compliment fest. Similarly, do not make it a way to burn into his/her lips – for that is too fast and might turn the flirty flame heat too high! Just keep the topics mutually interesting and let the follow-ups flow organically. Whilst talking in this case, remember less is more … coz …
5. But maintain the mystery
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Yes, you have to maintain the mystery. A man/woman showing all his/her cards in the first round is not going to win the game. Remember that! After all, to keep the demand up, supply must be scarce!
6. Be mindful of body cues
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How you hold your head, angle your torso, position your hands are all cues that speak! Learn their language and remember not to send out any untoward signals through your body language.
Suggested read: What is your date’s body language telling you about your relationship
7. Break the touch barrier
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It is okay to initiate touch, really. I don’t mean in an overly insinuating, creepy or even clumsy, sweaty way – but more so in a safe, non-threatening, and slightly conveying manner!
8. Set ablaze the flirtation flame
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A very crucial component of flirting is to lay up the laws of attraction. A flirtatious moment opens up a multitude of possibilities – seize the ones that work best to project your best self and gradually play out the fun game that may in turn, paint something perpetual! Maybe, just maybe! J
And just like that, you are fully ready to flirt it up! 😉 That’s all we have on flirting tips for guys to guide them on how to flirt with girls. Till next time!
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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