“I’m mistaken for a flirt when I am trying to be friendly.
I am mistaken for mean when I am honest.
I’m mistaken for sad when I want to be alone.
Why don’t you stop assuming and try and get to know me!!”
There is certainly a difference between flirting and just being friendly. I will not deny that there are some people who make obvious passes at you and definitely want something more than just friendship! I mean, why don’t they just cut the crap and ask for your number! However, there are people like me who don’t have even an iota of interest (barring a few instances) in flirting! We just want to be friends!! Trust us!
Suggested read: 10 facts that women who hate flirting want you to know
We have realized that we fall in a grey area of the friendly or flirting spectrum! But tell me one thing, how do you decide if someone’s behavior is giving out clear flirting signs or is just an act of friendliness? Please let us know, because we are in a lot of pain. We are like Charlotte from Sex and the City and here is a list of our struggles!
1. Come one come all!
Image source: Tumblr
According to people (don’t ask me which people!), we have no flirting standards. We just need a man or in some cases a woman, and we are in it! The accountant, the postman, the milk man, the homeless man… we are adventurous! We want a piece of all! After years of being labeled as a flirt, I have realized that smiling at people and being sweet means I am secretly thinking of how to ‘please’ you! Christ! (Great, now I’m going to hell for taking the Lord’s name in vain!)
2. People call you a ‘tease’ with great ease!
First of all, calling anybody a tease is not right! It is never right. Once you have been labeled as one, people start to interpret every move you make to be one of your flirting signs. They will perceive you in that light and that can be upsetting! The band Flight of the Concords beautifully summed up what we feel in one of their tracks, “A Kiss Is Not a Contract.” First of all, it isn’t, and secondly, we ain’t even asking for it! The label that you expect us to wear like a sash actually makes us want to creep under our beds and never socialize again!
3. The truth is stranger than fiction!
Image source: Weheartit
Tell someone that you suck at flirting and they give you that ‘look who’s talking’ face! Some might even take this as one among the flirting signs! You, to be honest, shouldn’t say ANYTHING! A question like, “Is tomorrow our Independence Day?” may also be branded against you! “No honestly, I have no clue how to flirt!” *Nasty Ursula laugh in the background*
Yes, we can talk to people who we are not actually trying to flirt with. But what happens when that someone is the one?! What the hell are we supposed to do!!!
4. “You are not supposed to have a bed to yourself!”
People will also not believe you when you say that you are single. They ask “Howww!” as if you just told them that you live without oxygen! Here’s a proposal: never say you are not in a relationship, because you will just open yourself up to non-stop pesky questions! You could just say, “I have issues, you want a list of them?”
We know these inquiries are intended to be caring, I won’t take that away! But for some strange reason, when you are a woman, proclaimed to be a flirt (even if you aren’t!), it is kind of IMPOSSIBLE to believe you are single THOUGH so ready to mingle!
5. “I don’t wanna be a murderer!”
Image source: Mtv
The situation is worse for my comrades whose friendliness is mistaken as flirting signs if they are in a relationship. Talking to any handsome dude in a party (and it could be that you were asking him about his children and wife!) will be inevitably translated as cheating on your partner. You might get called some nasty names by people who don’t understand your personality.
Suggested read: The ready-to-use guidebook of flirting styles
6. Always “free”!
That awkward moment when your kindness (of all things!) is mistaken for flirting! The people that we have no clue about plus no interest in continue talking to us even after several attempts on our part to end the conversation! Yes, we love small talk. It does not run deep, it is pleasant and the best part, it is small! We beg you to understand and let us be at peace! We are always cordial but we have our moments too. Don’t ruin them!
Image source: Tumblr
Best friends have ruined the friendship by confessing their feelings for us! And I can vouch for the fact that the whole conversation is awkward as hell! The worst part is that when you tell them you are not into them, it suddenly becomes your fault!! Jeez! “You were so caring toward me.” “But that night at our favourite restaurant you asked me about my childhood!” “You held my hand when my pet died!” OMG! What was I thinking when I became friends with you! I sometimes wish that we could all carry placards around stating once and for all what our intentions are!
8. Please state preference model!
People are absolutely confused about your sexual nature! I am not implying that you give these bums a brief description of your ‘50 shades,’ but people become very curious. They want to know your preferences and have actually dared to ask you in sly ways! As if inviting someone over for coffee in the silliest of cafes definitely speaks volumes of your bedroom plans!!! The confidence that you exhibit is always mistaken for cockiness!
9. Butter up!
Image source: Tumblr
Complimenting someone is the biggest pain in the wrong place! Not because you are bad at it, but on the contrary, you are too good! Rememeber, ‘Anything you say, can and will be held against you’! Saying “I like your shirt” because you genuinely do is not an act of friendliness but one of the signs of flirting! Well, we are only talking about verbal communication! What happens when you are roommates with a guy (I am assuming you are straight)?!! It doesn’t mean you have been ‘friends with benefits,’ right?!! I am furious now!!
10. Trying to be ‘play’sant! 😉
Girls like me who are accused of giving out flirting signs should embroider “I was just trying to be nice” on their pillowcases or the hanky that they carry around! We could even get trendy t-shirts made!! Why? Because we say that more often than “What’s up?” And what is our motto? It is: “I was not trying to flirt”! One day, when we die, we will etch it across our tombstones! You could even have someone include it in your eulogy!
Flirting is a natural human tendency like burping or sneezing!!! But, dingbat, flirting does not inevitably mean sex or ‘lurve’! It is something like Gary Busey, you know: You just say something but mean nothing at all! And at the end of the day, I want to tell you, babe, being flirty or friendly is completely your right!
Suggested read: 5 simple tips to flirt without coming across as a creep
If you are still looking at me sheepishly, I have a helpful guide that will tell you the difference between women being flirting and women being friendly! Let’s get this done once and forever!
If someone compliments a joke you cracked, they are just being friendly. They will add a ‘haha’ and you can drop them to the friendly pile. However, if someone smiles both at you and your joke, and at the same time, tries to touch your hand or arm – they are clearly flirting! If the woman is sarcastic about whatever you do or say, she hates you. See, hate is so easy to identify! But then again, cute teasing is flirting. When it comes to texting, the rules are a little different. If she writes “Hey! How are you? Why didn’t you reply to my text even after you saw it?” she is not flirting. She is just one of the desperate housewives!
Hope this helps you (and me!) in the future. Or if you want I could explain it to you over lunch! Umm, I was just trying to be nice! 😉
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License