You know what?
You have met her.
She is the one that made you stop in your way and look at her with rapt attention.
She commanded admiration even.
But then, you walked past her and never looked back.
Because she was wearing the sash of a strong, independent woman!
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And you knew the type – self-assured, confident, opinionated, and proud – the kind of woman you know does not need any validation from you or any other – the type that will never throw her security under a bus and run to kiss a*s when people ruffle her feathers.
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No word or action will ever make her question her truth because nothing and nobody can ever stop her from being her f**king authentic self. She owns her individuality like a boss and is unaffected by any labels society throws her way.
And you do not want to BE with this strong, independent woman because her I-give-zero-f*cks-about-your-(dis)approval attitude frightens you!
You know she doesn’t need you, and hence, you clear away!
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But here’s the rub: you should BE with her, precisely because she does NOT need you.
Surprised?
Well, that’s the beautiful truth of an independent woman you know nothing about. Yet.
Here’s a woman who does not NEED you to be her valet, chef, chauffeur, ATM, emergency helpline, go-to person, one-stop solution kiosk or anything else.
Instead, she wants YOU to be YOU with her, for she knows the happiness that comes from being one’s own self.
And you might as well admit NOW before you read any further, that there’s no purer joy than being loved and accepted for who you are AND in spite of who you are!
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Sure, her calm confidence and unshakeable truths will make her challenging as heck, and you will have a fair share of work cut out for yourself; but that is because nothing worthwhile comes easy. She knows her worth and demands that you know it too!
So what if canned verbal compliments don’t make the cut for her? So what if there will come along nights when she pulls the blanket over her head, closing herself to you and the world, choosing to pour her heart in tears to the pillow instead? So what if her eccentricities sometimes clash with logic? So what if she sometimes refuses to chew on your reflections in favor of a subject she feels strongly about? So what if at times, she is ‘difficult’ and on certain rare others, even ‘impossible?’
And SO WHAT if her fears of everything that can go wrong keep her from reaching out for everything that could go right?
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Isn’t that the FEAR holding you back too?
Reach out – maybe, together your fears may cancel each other out and foster a LOVE – strong and independent!
Coz that’s the most HONEST love that can be!
How, you ask?
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Precisely because she is at home in her own body and soul and will throw open those doors for you to enter. She will lead you into the very chambers where she has earned moments instead of investments so she can share these tiny ticks worth a lifetime with you.
It is in the honesty with which she will lay bare the parts of her that please and repel, that endear and disgust, that evoke love, and indifference that you will come to seek her unmasked, raw vulnerability, see it for it’s astounding beauty and love it for its deep sincerity.
For here’s a woman who is unafraid to show you all of who she is and where she is coming from…
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And it is with the same earnestness that she will touch parts of you you’d hidden in a locked chest, evoke memories you’d forgotten a long time ago, caress the places where scars from previous wounds remain, and soothe the remaining ache rising again – she will seek you for them, see you through them, and love you, in spite of them!
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Just like Galway Kinnell said,
“There’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for THE wrong person! But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.””
I have found that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.
And if my grandparents’ forty-year-old happy marriage is anything to go by, I attest this is how true; enduring love happens!
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