The beginning of a relationship can often be tricky. According to relationship experts, it is easy to confuse signals and intentions of people between being just friends and taking it to the next level.
So, what exactly is this ‘friend zone’? Friend zone refers to a relationship which is platonic in nature, wherein one person wishes to enter a romantic or sexual relationship while the other person considers them to be a friend. Such a situation is generally dreaded by the lovelorn person.
So Sirs, here are a few mistakes you make to find yourselves in the ‘friend zone’ of the woman you really want to be intimate with:
1. You haven’t made your intentions clear
She cannot read your mind, and does not know. You need to indicate early on that you are interested in being more than a friend to her. All your communications – verbal, non-verbal, written – should clearly communicate what you want. Being transparent about what you want, firmly but subtly, is vital in keeping you out of the friend zone. You need to be clear that you are pursuing her as more than just a friend.
However, aggression in the same is going to intimidate her and distance her from you.
2. You let her vent out about other men to you
The longer you wait and do friend type of things with her, the more you seal your fate of ending up in her friend zone for life. Remember, it is absolutely not your job to listen to her guy problems. Friends do that. She has girlfriends and other guy friends (who are already friend zoned) for that. Therapists can be really good friends but not romantic interests. No woman wants to date someone who knows all her darkest secrets and her neuroses.
Lend her a patient ear once in a way, but steer clear of too many confessions and deep dark secrets.
3. You try too hard
Sometimes, without even conscious effort, you try too hard to get her to see you as more than a ‘friend.’ You may buy her thoughtful and expensive gifts that you think would make her happy. You may plan an elaborate surprise for her birthday, almost putting her in an uncomfortable position. Worse yet, you trying too hard may even intimidate her. That is the worst possible outcome when you’re actually trying to get her to see you as a potential partner.
You need to stop trying too hard and focus on letting her know how you feel, so that she doesn’t see you as a creep.
4. You fear rejection
“Clarity is a gift, fear is not.” This holds true in all aspects. Fearing rejection and never asking her out is not going to take you anywhere but to the ‘friend zone,’ or even worse – further away from her. It has been observed that generally, men are supremely hesitant and reluctant to give voice to their feelings of love and affection. This gets stronger when the girl is a friend and the stakes are now high. If you have started to like a lady (be it a friend or someone you met at a bar) you need to tell her. As mentioned earlier, she is not going to know about it unless you let her know, and life is not a movie where things will eventually fall into place.
Be prepared to face the music and take the leap.
5. You lack the confidence to tell her
Some men find a beautiful woman intimidating and they feel nervous. But when you start to exhibit this nervousness, you might start to lose her. You need to be confident when you approach your lady. Maintain eye contact with her as you talk, it not only defines confidence but also honesty. You might be slouchy and fidgety around her, but make a conscious effort to control all of that. If you are not comfortable in your own skin, then it might not work out with her, or any other woman for that matter. Because you need to love yourself before you go seeking love elsewhere. Learning to love yourself is in itself a confidence booster. So just be confident and get out there.
Ensure that you do not appear to be full of yourself or creepy or both! Understand the fine line, and act accordingly.
6. You are being a yes man!
Say ‘Yes’ to everything she says and drive her around, and you will become her driver and her friend for life! A guy who mostly agrees with everything the woman says is not going to be interesting, attractive, or stimulating company to a woman. Don’t be afraid to share your opinions or to be a bit sarcastic. Women find men who are assertive very alluring. Don’t forget to also subtly flirt with her to make your intentions crystal clear. Let her know what you like and don’t like, and she will like the fact that you have a mind of your own.
But in this process, don’t make it the agenda of your life to contradict her at all points. You will have to maintain a balance.
You are an individual who is seeking a relationship with her. You are there for her when she needs you the most. You think you’re the best person for her. You deserve to have a full relationship with her, and not the meagre scraps that she throws your way. If you believe in all these strongly, you need to spell it out to her. If you tell her how you feel, and then she dismisses your feelings or expresses an intention of remaining friends, then you would at least have the satisfaction of having given it a shot. What you choose to do next – remain friends with her or cut off all ties because it’s too much to see her with someone else – is in your hands. Alfred Lord Tennyson said it best:
Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
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