The best way for couples to get to know each other is to go out on stress-free dates. It’s a simple way to spend time together, discover each other’s lives and values, figure out where they are coming from and so on. Good conversation in a good place, with a touch of thoughtfulness, is all it takes to make a good date. While you both seem to agree that dating is the best way to go about it, you may see (or feel) your man freaking out at the thought of going on a date, in the early stages of a relationship.
Here are a few questions that might cross his mind:
1. How do I ask her out?
Despite knowing how to ask a girl out, it can be too much pressure – he needs to figure out the first line, the approach and so much more. He doesn’t want to come across as a creepy desperate stalker or as an egotistical and heavy-handed man. To avoid it all they simply avoid getting involved in the dating scene itself.
2. Have I planned it well enough?
Usually, women love to plan outings down to the last detail. It could be picking a venue, time of day to visit, a type of cuisine, reading the reviews and figuring out the best ambiance, making the reservation and so on. Since this does not come naturally to men, they might either feel that they have not done enough to make it special or that they have missed something.
3. Spend too much or too less?
Some women love to be pampered, while others might be independent and not like it when others spend on them (be it their date for the evening). He wants to please you but cannot figure out what to do.
4. Will she like me, will she not?
Somehow you expect your man to be super chivalrous, generous and smart, when you two are on a date but you do not want him to be fake. He might fear that he will not be able to match up to your expectations and the thought of failing you is plain dreadful. But what if all those efforts towards making you like him fall short?
5. What if it happens again?
Many a time, a man might have a terrible past behind him – he might have gotten over a serious relationship or a divorce or the separation of his parents in his childhood. This baggage creates an added pressure and apprehension in him about how any future relationships will unfold. The fear of getting hurt again, might be playing at the back of his mind.
6. Do I have to say those three words?
While he would love to tell you how much he loves you and wants to be with you, he is petrified to express it or maybe doesn’t know how to (it’s a typical man thing). He might feel that he is expected to take a definite stance about the relationship’s status or where it is heading, if he goes on the date.
7. Do I look good enough?
The popular belief is that only women want to make a fashion statement and may feel insecure about their looks. Surprise, surprise! Men too have similar sentiments. Men believe that women have a certain expectation from them when it comes to looks, and they fear not living up to them.
8. How much alcohol should I drink?
While a couple of extra drinks might make the date feel a little less awkward by calming his nerves, you might find it ungentlemanly. He doesn’t want to pass out in the restroom with too much alcohol in his system or embarrass himself by slurring and making you drive him home.
9. What will I talk to her about?
If you have just realized that you want to explore a relationship and are getting to know each other better, he is going to have a hard time trying to figure out what to talk to you. Since this outing has the ‘dating’ tag associated with it, it is different from the regular coffees and beers that you have been catching up for in the past.
10. What if we run into the ex?
The ‘ex’ factor is the most dreadful. Be it yours or his own, it is not pleasant to see them while on a date. If this thought is plaguing him constantly, he will resist from going on a date. This can be especially true if his ex lives in the same city too.
11. What if I am not funny enough?
It may get a little weird and uncomfortable if he cracks a joke and you do not find it funny enough. He is already striving hard to impress you, and being funny is important for men, what with every dating guide worth its salt preaching that sense of humor rates pretty high in women’s checklists of ideal boyfriends.
12. She is judging me…he is judging me! Why is everyone judging me?
This might happen if you plan to go on the initial dates with his common friends as a double date. While you look forward to introducing your boyfriend to your friends and family, a man tends to get cold feet in such circumstances. He gets worried about being judged and is faced with the additional pressure of having to impress them in order to continue being in your life.
13. How do I become a Bollywood hero in her eyes?
Every guy wants to be romantic like Shahrukh Khan, while kicking some ass like Akshay Kumar. What he also wants is for the girl to see that he can be a bit of both. It is most likely that there is not going to be a dramatic scenario (like saving you from goons or something) to prove both, and you might not expect anything of that sort from him. It is just his mind playing tricks on him.
14. Will I have to do it again?
There is a huge amount of effort, time, energy and a whirlwind of emotions that went into the first date. Even though it went by successfully, the thought of doing it all over again might deter him from asking you out again. This will not happen if you both have successfully broken through the initial hesitation and built a basic friendship.
15. Is she good enough for me?
So he met you at a party and asked you out. Now that the party is over, and so is the hangover after it, he might wonder if he is going to like you that much after getting to know you. This doubt might prevent him from acting on his desire and actually setting up an evening together.
If you have a man who seems interested in you but is not asking you out, now you know why! Give it some time and a few (not so) subtle hints, and you might be able to let him know that you are open to exploring the possibility of a date!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License