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Why Successful Relationships Aren’t Built on Autopilot

Do you ever wonder what makes a few relationships so different from others? There are always a few couples that make it look so effortless, right? They make you wonder how they are able to have a sustaining and healthy relationship without facing a setback. Here’s the truth – relationships aren’t supposed to be easy. Chances are that your ideal couple would have faced quite a few setbacks in their life as well. We all fight with our partners and sometimes, even try to take an out. This is where a failed relationship differs from a healthy one. Your “ideal” couple would never let go of the bond. Ever. They know the relationship matters more to them than anything else in this world.


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Being with someone will demand your time and effort. No matter what kind of relationship you have – whether the two of you have been married for years or have been dating each other for the last few months, you need to act like a well-equipped machine. There comes a time in every relationship when you got to stop acting like two separate entities. Yes, you maintain your own personal space and never lose your individuality. You know who you are, but at the same time, you don’t lose sight of the ‘we’ element in your bond. You became a part of them and get entwined in the most effortless manner.

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Every relationship is a team effort. It is always “us” against the world. No matter what the situation is, you don’t leave your partner mid battle. You become accountable for every action they make. Their life affects you in more ways than you can imagine. If you think you can simply create a perfect model for the two of you to work and can rely on it for the rest of your life, then you are wrong. Successful relationships don’t work like that. You are supposed to come up with new ways to make it work.

The universe is based on change. If you are not flowing or moving ahead, then you are only stagnating and in turn, degrading your worth. Even something as pure as water becomes stagnant after a while. Your relationship is certainly not an exception. To keep it alive, you gotta come up with new ways of sustaining the bond. You can’t simply devise an alpha tested plan and work on it for the rest of your life. You would be asked to push your limits. You would come out of your comfort zone more than once. This will not only bring the two of you together, but it will give you a chance to feel alive. Your life won’t be stagnant anymore. You won’t simply halt to gaze everyone else moving at a fast pace. You would start leading while cherishing what you have with your partner.

Change is the only constant thing in this world.


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You are not the same person you used to be a few years back. You might have seen a significant difference in your partner as well. When the two of you initially fell in love, it was quite different than what you feel for each other right now. You both were a little naïve back then and didn’t know how far the two of you could go.

Look at your relationship right now. You have certainly made a lot of progress and have come a long way since then. It is only the two of you who can help each other from falling out of love as well.

Try to fall in love with your partner all over again. Every single morning when you wake up by having them by your side, consider it nothing less than a miracle. Start your morning with a true love’s kiss and let them know how much you love them. You are supposed to make your partner feel wanted every now and then. You can’t simply say “I love you” to them once and never really mean it again.

There are plenty of ways to say the L-word and express your feelings for them. From a goodnight kiss to those weekend getaways, each and everything is required to keep things going. Your relationship is not a puzzle that you are supposed to solve just once. The key to a successful relationship is more than just a piece of crossword that you can complete one time and get rid of it for the rest of your life. It is more of a habit. You need to solve it every day by giving it your whole. You would get better with time and will gain productive results in the process.

You are required to replenish the source of love.


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Otherwise, your love will die a slow death. Do you ever wonder why a few couples fall out of love even after spending years with each other? It is because they are not able to replenish the source of it. Yes, love is quite demanding, but it is quite spectacular in itself as well. If you want to have a lasting and fruitful relationship with your partner, start by getting rid of that auto-pilot mode that you have set in your relationship.

Give each other more time and instead of growing two separate ways, grow with each other. You would certainly cherish that journey and would love to do it all over again with your partner. Make random plans, get a pet, visit an unexplored place, and keep coming with different ways to get rid of an unwanted monotony in your life.

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There is no harm in having a routine. It will keep you sane and might inspire you at the same time. Without having a pre-defined set of goals and other rules, you might lose track. But you can’t make your entire relationship about it. It is not about spending your whole life in a room. It is all about going out there and dancing in the rain. You can’t feel alive while spending an entire day in a cubicle or while staying in bed with your partner. You are supposed to feel a cold rush of wind playing with your hair while holding your lover’s hand. You are supposed to jump off the cliff, knowing that your significant other will catch you. You have to trust them with the whole of your heart. It will help you make all those life-changing decisions in minutes and you would never be afraid to fall.

Love is not an algorithm that you can decode.


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Love is not an event – it’s a process. It’s not a destination where you need to reach with your partner. It’s all about the journey that the two of you embark on together. You would be asked to make a few tough decisions in the middle. There would be times when you will compromise and will give up a significant part of you for your relationship, but it would definitely be worth it.

Your relationship is not a task that you got to achieve. It is not a race at all. It is not a competition either. You need to stop by a few places just to admire the marvel that you have created. It is all about enjoying those jerks in between. No relationship in this world is perfect. You are supposed to fight with your partner. But the motive of every relationship is more than that. You would fall back in love with your partner by being stronger than ever.

An autopilot relationship might prevent you from a few unexpected bumps, but it will never let you reach your destination in time. It will never let you enjoy your journey at its best. It might prevent the two of you from falling out of love, but it definitely won’t let you grow with your partner as well. You would be together for the sake of it, but there won’t be any love or compassion in your relationship at all.

The key to a successful relationship isn’t readily available, but it is definitely worth risking your all for. Let go of that auto-pilot mode in your relationship and take a chance on love.

Be more random and take the journey of a lifetime with your partner. Maintain your own pace and make a few wrong turns in between.


Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

It is important to get lost every one in awhile, else how would you know that you are going in the right direction or not?

Take it one step at a time. Give your relationship every minute of yours. Be deep, be more passionate. We, humans, are just like onions. We come in layers. Unravel every layer of your partner one step at a time.

Be more vulnerable. Be emotionally naked. Let go of your layers as well and show your partner what you are originally made up of. Show them your core. Don’t be hesitant.

Suggested read: 15 simple tips on how to respect yourself in a relationship

Take a deep breath and do the impossible. Go against the flow. After a while, you would realize how effortlessly everything can come to you if you are ready for it. Make your partner ready for the unexpected and be the flow instead.

Let it all come to you – the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Remember, the ocean doesn’t go to the stream.

Your relationship is not a pond or a river. It is an ocean – an infinite one.

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Article Name
The Key To A Successful Relationship Is Never To Put It On Autopilot
The key to a successful relationship may not be easy to find, but it certainly unlocks doors you never knew how to get your foot through.
Bhavya Kaushik

Bhavya Kaushik

A national bestselling author, Bhavya believes that too often the stories we write paint the reality we try to escape from. Bhavya believes in breaking the stereotypes and trying new things because life is too short to let it stay boring. With his love for verse, he can be found avidly blogging about life, love and everything that covers in between. He lives his life by the motto, 'I'm the story of my own journey.' "I don't write stories. I write characters."