It is the best and the worst thing that can happen to you.
You don’t have to be concerned with your past. You can be who you are without the fear of getting judged. You can be in your comfort zone and still get everything you ever wanted in a relationship. Needless to say, there are endless reasons for dating your best friend.
Though, there is a flip side of the coin as well. You know them way too much. There won’t be any thrill or excitement in the relationship. It might begin with a high but too soon, it can be monotonous and boring. You won’t get a chance to explore each other and might cross the line between friendship and love every now and then. Your worst nightmare of losing your best friend can also come true.
Suggested read: Why communication is absolutely vital in relationships
After a regular breakup, you take the help of your best friend and move past your failed relationship after bitching about your ex. You know boyfriends/girlfriends might come and go, but your friendship will stay forever. When you are dating your best friend, you make quite a risky move. If things don’t go as per your expectations, you might end up losing the one you love and the one you rely on – both at the same time. Losing your lover and your best friend would disrupt your entire life. You would have no one to bitch about your ex, because your best friend would be your ex. Before you take a leap of faith and try to have a fulfilling relationship with your best friend, keeping these basic dos and don’ts in mind.
1. Do have “the talk”
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Before you take the first step, clarify your intentions. This will keep the two of you on the same page. Chances are that they would already be having the same thing in their mind. Though, it is of utmost importance that you make them feel wanted. Don’t take them for granted and listen to what they have to say. If you think they are hesitant, then come up with a pragmatic explanation. Nevertheless, if they are not sure about it or if you are having a second thought, then take a timeout. Commence your relationship only when the two of you are ready, and not because you have slept together.
2. Don’t act like a friend (and wish for something more)
You can’t be their friend and their lover, both at the same time. Yes, you can always multitask every once in awhile, but you can’t be two different people at the same time. When you are having a romantic moment with them, you don’t have to be their best friend. It would be a little tough in the beginning, but can certainly master this art in no time. There is no fun in dating your best friend and still being friends with them. You would always keep hoping for something more.
3. Do focus on your differences
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Frankly, most of your interests are going to overlap. It has been proven that we look for differences in our partner and common interests in our friends. The reason why the two of you became best friends in the first place is because you had abundant of similar interests. It is a good thing to be on the same side of everything, but a little diversity is also required. Your relationship might become monotonous by doing the same set of things. Instead, you should focus on each other’s differences. Respect it and get to know a whole new side of your best friend.
4. Don’t involve anyone else
Your family and friends and not supposed to know about it until and unless it is official. Just because you have started dating your best friend doesn’t mean that you are supposed to announce it to the whole damn world. Keep it to yourself for a while and don’t let anyone else talk about it. If things won’t go as per your expectations, then you would have to answer to almost everyone in your life. That would be a really awkward situation. You don’t want to listen to a “Told you so!” your whole life.
5. Do take it slow
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When you are dating your best friend, you become the most important part of their world. Hurting them would be the last thing you want to do. To make sure the two of you are able to enjoy every bit of it, take it slow and steady.
It would be quite an experience in itself. Take it one step at a time and enjoy every stage of your relationship. Treat them the way you want yourself to be treated in a situation like this.
Suggested read: 33 things you NEED to do to breakup-proof your relationship
6. Don’t talk about a past relationship
They are your best friend and they would already know everything about the other people you have dated in the past. This includes both – the good and the bad. They know why it didn’t work out in the end with someone special. If there is one person who knows about your “the one that got away”, then it’s your best friend. Talking about your past relationships will make them insecure. Try to avoid this topic as much as you can.
7. Do have some boundaries
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Dating your best friend might seem like the most effortless thing in this world. You are already so comfortable with them and can get everything you want by staying in your comfort zone. Though, there are a few boundaries in every relationship that should never be crossed. Set some ground rules on how you are going to fight and what are the topics that will always be off the table. Set a budget and don’t mix your finances with your relationship. As surprising as it might sound, there are some things that you should not discuss – even with your best friend.
8. Don’t skip the crucial steps in between
You already know everything about your best friend and it might seem as if the two of you are practically live together. What’s the point of having the “get to know them” phase or even an official “moving in” thing?
No. Don’t make this obvious mistake of taking your best friend for granted. Yes, you know them inside out, but as a friend. Now, you would get to know them from a whole new perspective. It is quite amazing to see so many different sides and layers of the same person. Don’t skip all those crucial stages just because it seems easy.
9. Do try to be consistent
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You would be influenced by a lot of things during this process. This will make you second guess almost every move you make. Your best friend is way too important to you and you can’t afford to lose them. At the same time, you can’t disappoint your partner as well (who is also your best friend). It would get complicated and your mind will flicker quite often. But you can’t let it affect your actions. Be consistent and always live up to your words. Know what you want and make an effort to get it. Get rid of all the background noises.
10. Don’t be hesitant to get intimate
Sometimes, we start dating our best friend after being intimate with them. Nevertheless, there are times when we follow a regular course of action as well. You might get a little hesitant to get intimate with your best friend. You have never thought of them like that before and it would make things quite complicated for you. Just clear your mind and go for it. Focus on the good part. You are their skin and their bones. You know them inside out. You never know the sex could be amazing. You just have to turn things around a little.
11. Do work on the issues together
If your relationship is going through a rough patch, always involve your best friend. Don’t take them for granted or consider their silence as their approval. Involve them in every decision you make. They should feel wanted in the relationship. Stop treating them like your best friend and consider them as your significant other.
Suggested read: Why using sex as a weapon in relationships is a BAD idea
12. Don’t let go. Ever.
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You are going to fight. You are going to second guess it. You are going to drift away. Just like every other relationship, this one would also have its fair share of ups and downs. But you can’t let go of it. Acknowledge the beauty of it and sail through the tough part together. You are dating your best friend. This is one of the best things that can happen to you in your whole life. Make the best out of it instead of simply letting it go.
Just keep holding on to it. Take it one step at a time and never let go of our love. But most significantly, don’t let go of your friendship either. Love might come and go, but friendship stays forever. Even if it feels ordinary at times, you have to make yourself believe that it is nothing less than a miracle. You have got your one great chance. Make the best out of it.
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