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Why The One Soulmate Theory Is Flawed

In The Symposium, Plato wrote:

According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their powers, and as a way of punishing them for their pride, Zeus split them into two separate beings, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their others halves.

Obviously, the concept of a soulmate is not a new one. Every culture has some version of a “soulmate,” the one who completes and complements you – in every way imaginable. Physically, emotionally, intellectually – you’re compatible with this soulmate. Or so you’re led to believe.

Suggested read: 6 questions to ask yourself in your quest to find your soulmate

This soulmate is often painted as one person, who when you find, will end your search for your other half, because you’re destined to live out the rest of your life with them. You’re led to believe that you’re extremely fortunate to have found this one person who is your other, better half. I think that’s why so much emphasis is put on finding your soulmate, and why so many people agonize over it.

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Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

However, this is where I like to veer off in my thinking. Yes, I do believe in soulmates and their existence. I’m not disputing that, despite having witnessed great relationships and not so great ones in all my years on this planet. But what I take objection to in this soulmate theory is the fact that there is only one person out there for you, a world that is inhabited by 7 billion (and counting) other people. That if you don’t put every ounce of your effort to find this one person, you’re doomed to a fate of loneliness. That if you can’t find this one person out of the rest of them, your life wouldn’t be “complete.” This version of the soulmate theory is just ridiculous, I think.

What I do believe is that you have multiple soulmates, who come and go, over the course of your life. All these soulmates need not necessarily mean romantic ones; some (or most) of them are platonic too. Each and every soulmate that walks into your life adds a little something to it. It could be good or bad, but they do serve a purpose, and once that is served, they fade away from your life, only to be left as a memory.

Platonic soulmates


Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

These soulmates come into your life when you need them the most, but never realized until then.

It could be your first friend in life, who supports you through rough patches; who is there by your side, come hell or high water; who teaches you that it’s okay to be weird.

It could be a sibling, who teaches you that you are, in fact, so much more than you give yourself credit for; who’s there to hold you up when life puts you down; who teaches you how to stand up for yourself and fight for your dignity; who, in essence, teaches you to be a better person.

It could be your cousin, who teaches you how to be loyal to those who trust you; who shows you how to be generous of spirit; who helps you realize one of your dreams.

These platonic soulmates could come and go, ebb and flow in their significance in your life. But what you cannot deny is their role in your life. And sometimes, they don’t have to leave your life for the next platonic one to come into your life. There are overlaps too.

Romantic soulmates

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Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

When the stars align, or so you want to think, in walks a romantic soulmate, who ignites your senses, your passion, your very soul. They buoy you, they make you feel invincible, they make you so happy, that you finally know the meaning of the word ecstasy, they show you that there’s so much more to this life than you know, they make you understand what passion truly means. They ignite you from within, letting all your light shine through – bright and brilliant and dazzling.

These are the ones you never, ever, in a million years want to let go of, even though you might have to. Your very first romantic soulmate will teach you what love is; they will teach you how to love another person, how to care for someone else, how to compromise, how to put someone else’s needs before your own, how to hold someone up, even when you’re barely holding yourself up, how to just be there for someone else, even if you’re not doing or saying anything.

And sometimes, unfortunately, the first soulmate who teaches you so much about love, will have to leave. It’s almost inevitable. It’s just how it is; it’s not your fault, neither is it theirs.

The in-between soulmates

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Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

The soulmates that come in between the first soulmate and the last one you’ll ever meet, will add something a little bit more to your life. You’ll learn valuable life lessons, love lessons, relationship lessons from them. You’ll learn about how resilient you are, about how forgiving you can be, about being independent, about not letting someone hold you back, about not letting despair and hopelessness choke you, about not losing yourself, your essence in a relationship.

The significant ones will leave their mark on you, on your life – an indelible mark. These could be hurts or triumphs or seemingly simple lessons. But they sure will enrich your life one way or another.

However, the heartache, the emptiness that comes when one of these leaves you, or you leave them, might seem despairing, but you’ll get through it. There’s this niggling doubt that pops up every time one of these leaves – that you’ll never find your last soulmate, the one you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with. But try and ignore it, because you will meet that last soulmate. You will be successful in your quest for finding your soulmate, the one true partner, who will be your other, better half.

Suggested read: 28 unromantic signs you have found your soulmate

The last soulmate

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Image source: Shutterstock

And when you do meet this last soulmate, your heart will soar, your spirit will buoy, your soul will fly – because you know that they are the last one. The one you’re meant to be with, the one you’re meant to stand by, the one you’re meant to complement and complete, who will in turn do the same.

So no, I do not – nay, I refuse to believe that you’re meant to find one and only soulmate in your lifetime. I believe that you are destined to meet and cross paths with many soulmates and form connections with them – some platonic, some romantic, over the course of your life. These are people who, by virtue of being in your life – for however brief period of time, add something to your life. How you take that something, is up to you, though.

Featured image source: Shutterstock

Article Name
Why The One Soulmate Theory Is Flawed
You're just supposed to find one soulmate among the 7 billion other people on the planet? This one soulmate theory is flawed. Here's why...
Emily Walker

Emily Walker

My first love: writing. My second love: reading. My third love: my job, which lets me indulge in my first and second loves. If not writing, I can't imagine what my life would be like. Let's hope that day doesn't come ever!