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10 Important Lessons You Learn When ‘The One’ Becomes Just Another Ex

So you were with a great person, who you thought was your ‘one,’ with whom you’d be spending the rest of your life with. But alas, it all came crashing down, turning the one, into the one that got away. Here’s all that you learn in the process.

You found a wonderful person, who you thought you loved and who loved you back, and you built up all kinds of plans around the two of you, even deciding to spend the rest of your lives together. However, something happened, and your relationship came to an end. You had dreams of living your very own version of happily ever after, with your partner beside you, every step of the way.

Suggested read: 7 powerful reasons why looking for your soul mate might leave you unhappy

The thing is, when you’re young, you tend to be idealistic, a dreamer, who thinks that forever and happily-ever-afters exist. However, as you get older, as a result of experiencing more things that life throws your way, you tend to see the world without your rose-tinted glasses on; maybe even a bit pessimistically. You become realistic, instead of idealistic, and see life for what it really is – unfair, most often than not. Dreams become a lofty ideal, and all the castles you built in the air, crumble swiftly, like a brittle cookie.

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Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

You have to let go of the person you thought was the one, for whatever reason. However, your first instinct is to hold on to that person and that relationship with everything you’ve got, because you fear the unknown, the unfamiliar. You’re plagued with questions of ‘what now?’ and you’re no longer living in an idealistic dream, but a very real reality. What happens when your dreams and visions of forever and happily-ever-after come crashing down around you?

You become a bit wiser, a little more grown up, and a lot more mature. Plus, you might learn a few life and love lessons when the one, your soul mate, becomes an ex.

1. You view the world with different eyes.

Although, technically, it’s the same world, you, as an individual, sees it differently; from an altogether new perspective. You may even feel detached from the world somehow, which is freeing in itself. For all intents and purposes, you’re free; even if your relationship crumbled, there’s a strange sense of freedom, an excitement.

Sure, you’re stepping into the unknown, the unfamiliar, but then you realize that it’s actually beautiful, exciting, and a little bit terrifying. That you don’t have to stick around with someone who isn’t interested in you, even if you think that they are your soulmate. You learn that embracing the unknown is a brave move on your part, and you couldn’t help but feel proud of yourself.

2. Life is full of new beginnings.

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Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

You thought your soulmate would be with you till the very end, living your own happily ever after. But they didn’t; they became an ex. You see, some people are meant to be mere scenes in your movie called life. However, you make the mistake of making them the whole fricking movie, including the end credits. Granted that life didn’t exactly turn out the way you thought it would, but if you close yourself off from new beginnings, you’ll never find happiness.

You see, however sad or bitter it was to lose your partner, you have to give yourself and life another chance. You cannot shut yourself out from life and the world and more importantly, love, just because one person and one relationship that didn’t turn out the way you thought it would. You are a brave individual, who has the power to turn over a new leaf and find happiness and love again. All that a fresh start requires is your will.

3. Life (and time) don’t stop for anyone.

Just because you’re broken up about losing the one, life doesn’t come to a standstill. It goes on, whether you want it to or not. Yes, it’s unfair, but that’s just the way it is. Sure, your relationship, which you thought was perfect, came to an end, which is incredibly sad and hurtful. You might find yourself asking whoever is up there as to why it happened, when you’ve been a good person all your life, and always toed the line. But sometimes, there’s just no answer for such questions. That’s just life.

What you had might have been beautiful and near-perfect, but it isn’t anymore. So grieve over it, but crawl up out of the hole of misery you’ve been dwelling in. You know why? The world and time stop for no one, however hurtful and sad you might be. You need to find a way – whatever works for you – and get over it. If you let it, time can be the best friend you ever had.

4. You realize that you’ll never really forget the one you lost…

… and that’s okay. Because what you had was beautiful and precious to you. Hold on to your memories, for they can never be fully erased from your mind, because you shared them with the one, which automatically make them special. Preserve these memories in your memory banks, but don’t let them overpower or overwhelm you.

Instead, what they need to do is to spur you on to seek happiness again. To make you realize that if you can find happiness and joy and love once, you can most definitely do so now. Just because you lost your soulmate, doesn’t mean there isn’t another person who can’t love you just as much, if not more so. Because love is infinite.

Suggested read: Why the one soulmate theory is flawed

5. Your rose-tinted glasses come off and your forever is rooted in reality.

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Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

When you’re in love, you see the world through your rose-tinted glasses, and you promise the world to your partner, including a forever. However, you don’t dwell on how to make this happen when your partner is beside you, because you’re in love and you feel invincible. And totally ready to live out your own happily ever after.

However, when your soulmate is no longer a part of your life anymore, is when you realize that there are no guarantees in life, and that any promises of forever you made to yourself or to your partner, aren’t valid anymore. Sure, you can promise to love and cherish and adore someone forever, but circumstances, time, and emotions, don’t always stay the same way. This makes you realize that a promise of forever is not really that important, not as important as working on your relationship and make it better than it was yesterday. Because let’s be honest – relationships take work, serious hard work to sustain them.

6. Lovers become strangers again.

The one who you lost has become an important fixture in your life, from being a mere stranger, and now the cycle is complete, by them becoming a stranger yet again. They are just another face in the crowd, another person who is relegated to dusty recesses of your mind, another person who is no longer significant in your life.

However, there will be times when you will remember them when you least expect it – a song that reminds you of them, a place where you planned to travel together, a painting you both admired, or a person who shares the same name – you can’t help but be assaulted by bittersweet memories. But, you’ve come to realize that they no longer make you want to curl up in a ball and cry. Instead, they make you wistful, and that’s okay.

7. Going down the ‘what if’ rabbit hole is pointless.

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Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

When your relationship comes to an end, it’s inevitable that your mind play the ‘what if’ game. You torture yourself thinking endlessly about the hypothetical what ifs. You wonder what you should’ve said, what you shouldn’t have; what you should’ve done differently, what you shouldn’t have; even if your rational mind knows that this is self-inflicted torture, that it won’t do you any good.

However, in the end, you’ll learn the lesson that no good can ever come by dwelling on hypotheticals, if you want to move on. Once you’ve grieved the death of your relationship, you will start to move on by looking ahead, instead of looking back. You’ll realize that there’s no going back, however much you wish to do otherwise.

8. Letting go and moving on isn’t impossible.

As hard as it might seem to let go and move on, it isn’t impossible. Sure, it will be a challenge, but, given enough time and the will to do so, you will get over your ex, and move on. But as time ticks by, you will realize that getting over the person you thought you’d be spending the rest of your life with, isn’t all that different than getting over your other exes. It may be a bit harder given that you thought this person was your soulmate, your one, but in time, you will look back and realize that it was never meant to be in the first place.

9. You will miss them, and that’s okay.

There will always be a part of you that will miss your ex, no matter how good or bad the relationship was. There are days when they’re constantly on your mind, and there will be days when they are but a blip on your radar – there now, and gone the next instant. However, as times passes by, the latter will be grow, while the former will lessen. And that’s the way life is supposed to go.

What you can do, however, is learn from your mistakes and be a better person for it. Your ex is in the past; don’t let them taint your present or your future. It’s true what they say – it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You’ll realize it sooner or later.

Suggested read: 28 unromantic signs you have found your soulmate

10. You will learn to be happy for your ex.

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Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Everyone needs a fresh start, and everyone needs a shot at happiness. Even your ex, who might have broken your heart and hurt you real bad. They may deserve to hurt too, in your book, but it doesn’t mean you have to carry around your anger, frustration, and pain, and wish them bad luck. That’s just petty. Rise above it and remember the happy memories you share with this person. So they’re not all bad, are they? Wish them well and be happy if they find happiness again. You deserve to not hold onto anger and resentment; you deserve to be happy.

The one need not always be the person you spend the rest of your life with. Sometimes they don’t get to accompany you for the journey. Sometimes, your paths differ and diverge. Sometimes, they are not meant to be by your side always. And that’s okay. You can move on and carve a life out for yourself; yes, you can.

Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Article Name
10 Important Lessons You Learn When Your Soulmate Becomes Just Another Ex
When your soulmate becomes just another ex, is when you learn that it wasn't meant to be... and that's okay...
Chaitra Ramalingegowda

Chaitra Ramalingegowda

I fell in love with storytelling long before I knew what it was. Love well written stories, writing with passion, baking lip-smacking-finger-licking chocolate cakes, engaging movies, and home-cooked food. A true work-in-progress and a believer in the idiom 'all those who wander are not lost'. Twitter: @ChaitraRlg