You are driving her around town, setting up her wifi, putting up the Christmas lights, mowing her lawn, walking her dog, buying her presents, working on her college assignments, telling her she’s pretty, making her laugh, and pretty much ‘always there.’ You are the first person she turns to whenever she’s in a soup. It all adds up – she’s so into you!! And so, you’ve got this one locked in, right?
WRONG! I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, dudes! You ARE in the FRIENDZONE. You are her one-stop-solution kiosk, the shoulder to cry on, the alibi used to hang out with other guys, and the voice of reason. Of course, she genuinely likes you, AS A FRIEND! Yeah, I know, you wish those words could be wiped off the face of the earth. But if you had those kinds of powers, you’d be making a leap from the friend zone to the lover lobby and I haven’t really heard of too many who have managed the heroic feat. Sure, Aamir Khan did it successfully in Rangeela, but that was a movie!! And before you try the long jump, you need to accept the truth of being in the dreaded zone. And here’s a definite list of signs to know if you have been friendzoned. Find out if you’re in the friendzone, before it’s too late for recovery (she might start referring to you as ‘bro’ :P):
1. Your text messages look like this
You: Anything wrong?
She: Nah, just dealing with some stuff.
You: Need help?
She: Umm, yes, could you just check with <insert another guy’s name> and find out why he isn’t calling me?
She: Hey, you free for a date Saturday?
You: OMG, yes! Let’s go to that new restaurant by the lake. It’s really romantic.
She: Oh, ha-ha … no, not with me. My friend <insert name> is in town and I thought you guys would really hit it off. So, pick her up around 6, ok? And yeah, while you drive down, would you get some preg tests for me, I think I got knocked up last week! Love you.
If you still haven’t decoded ’em, dude, wake up – it’s no ‘Rain Man’ assignment! Duh!
2. You are not the one she drunk-dials
If the first person she dials after downing countless shots is Mr.X (who you’ve been thinking of getting shot for a while now), then dude, you shall forever be the Jorah Mormont lusting after the unattainable Khaleesi! Plus, if things get ‘weird’ on that drunken call with Mr.X, you might be asked to act as a buffer too! <facepalm>
3. She talks to you about her latest ‘crushes,’ other guys she is seeing
Now, this is a biggie. If she is talking to you about her crush, the new hottie on the block, the guy she’s been waiting to call ever since they went out last or even the one she’s plain lusting after, you know you’ve been friend-ed! Choose if you’d like to resign from the post of her chauffeur cum gardener cum dog-walker cum tutor cum counselor cum whatever-else-keeps-getting-added-to-the-list or just continue to smile and wish, ‘One Day!’
Are you listening? Your mind going – One day, one day, one day, one day – on a loop!! <asking my friends to facepalm too!>
4. Your invitations to hang out always see a third wheel accompaniment
This one is a classic friendzoner. If she always gets someone along when you thought you’d have some one-on-one experience (minds out of the gutter please or maybe not! :P), then she is ignoring your ‘romantic moves.’ It is a safe deal for her as there will always be someone who can avert that tiny chance of things getting … uhh … awkward! Never heard, “Ohh, I thought you liked my friend Anu. Isn’t she cute????”
5. She does not mind roaming about in her sweats when you’re around
It is a simple LHS=RHS, ‘hence proved’ case. No effort = No attraction. Now I am not saying she’d be dressed in a ball gown with a face that shows exactly how much time she invested on getting that winged eyeliner correct each time you guys hang out. However, it’d bode well for your ‘out-of-FZ’ process if she were putting at least some effort to look ‘nice’ in front of you! I mean a greasy, grungy, messy bun and those sweatpants with a spaghetti sauce stain don’t quite say, “Hey hon, wanna get into these pants?”
What – you say she always looks ‘nice’ to you, eh? Oh God, where do I find the right hammer to smash the rosy-lover-boy glasses!! :/
6. She makes no moves even when the two of you are getting sloshed together
Drinks obviously help lower inhibitions. So if you think she’s just too shy to own it herself, you might try downing a few drinks together. When matters turn giggly-tingly but she still does not show any signs of being interested, you’re definitely in the friend-zone.
Now will you stop that useless ‘subtle flirting’ already! She’s too drunk to even notice! And she’s eyeing the hot bartender!
7. She offers to be your match-maker
If she offers to set you up for a date with other prospects she deems YOU-worthy, it is her way of telling you that you’re great and she wants you to be happy with someone who is not ‘her,’ or a plain ‘I know you like me and all that, but before it gets ‘icky,’ here’s someone you’d be better off with!’ Take the cue and maybe, just maybe the date too! (Hey, they might turn out to be interesting!) 😉
8. You never pick a fight
And you thought this was a good thing! Ever heard of a happy boyfriend? No wait, I think mine is. I will give him a call once I get you to admit you’re stuck in the FZ to find out why I didn’t get my good-morning call! 😛
Okay, okay. But you get the point, right! She isn’t fighting with you because she does not care as much. You are her go-to person when she actually picks up a fight with the ‘boyfriend’ she really has! And no, she isn’t doing it to prep you up for what you’d be like together! WAKE UP!!!
So, the next time a ‘hmm,’ ‘awww … thank you,’ and other conversation killers roll by, make your decision. You can either return to the FZ you’re constantly attempting to escape from or just pull back and not be ‘around’ all the time! Who knows what might happen!
She’s callin’you, eh?
DON’T ANSWER! She probably just needs those preg sticks! 😛