A marriage does not simply mean living with another person for your entire life. It is much more than that. There is a reason why being in a marriage is also called ‘being bound in holy matrimony.’ Yes, marriages are holy. It can be hard, but there’s everything to cherish about it. A marriage is a coming together of two individuals and pledging to spend everyday of their life together. A marriage means heartfelt sacrifices to make each other’s life the most beautiful. A marriage means having firm belief in the other person and giving no scope for lack of trust. A marriage means smiling and crying together and a commitment to making each other happy. Hence a marriage is a wonderful union between two people taking vows to honor and love each other forever.
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There is a vast difference between marrying someone and being in a relationship. A successful marriage needs all that extra effort and energy to build up a strong foundation and basis of its survival. There is nothing called ‘my own’ in a marriage since everything has been shared between the two. With patience, love and compassion, the two different worlds become one. The ups and downs, the sourness and the bitterness become a part and parcel of any married life. You fall in love with your partner over and over again. All your convictions and motivations become one to listen to in the daily expanding universe of a marriage. Relationships, on the other hand, happen overnight. They are fragile and undervalued. They suffer from a deficiency of the basic rules of adjustment, kindness, patience and faith. They lack love. With the dawn of every generation, relationships no longer define the togetherness of two individuals.
Marriages aren’t easy. Sometimes they become tedious and too predictable. Life may feel like a drag, spending every moment with one single person. This reminds us that a marriage isn’t a child’s play. It is a particular phase of every human life where we believe to have each other’s best interest at heart and that it will be a self giving relationship. You may be happy or unhappy in a marriage. You may ease into it on your own or may suffer for weeks before you are forced to adapt. But you cannot lie or hide your feelings from each other because eventually the truth will come out. Oftentimes such surprises hold the ability to break your marriage.
Sometimes marriages become fragile. Pain, ego clashes, hurt, bitterness, anger, dissension, resentment, improper communication, lack of interaction and faithlessness haunts it. You tend to become more cynical and accuse each other for its futility. Such a marriage becomes lopsided with one person giving all the labor while the other just sits and enjoy its fruit. We all try our best to be perfect in a relationship but it doesn’t seem to be enough. This is where we realize that the marriage isn’t working right. A loveless, hurtful marriage reeks of the signs of disrespect and it’s very important that we remain aware of them from the very beginning because it’s always better not to linger with a failed marriage.
Let me now show you some sad but true signs of disrespect in a marriage.
- When your partner stops caring about you.
In any long term relationship, it becomes easier for a person to lose interest. Your partner may start building a life of his/her own and you may not even realize that. Caring comprises a broader horizon. Your partner may become indifferent towards you. Even his way of approach over a sensitive conversation can easily decide whether your marriage is healthy or not. Your partner may stop giving you all the attention. His world will begin to revolve around his own issues and he may completely forget to share your problems as he had promised.
- Love begins to be judged on appearance.
This is one of the most trivial signs of disrespect in a marriage. You fall in love with a person not based on his/her outer looks; rather you fall in love with him when something knocks your heart from inside. No matter how hard you try to make the house clean and tidy or win his heart by fixing dinner yourself, nothing counts. It is because your partner has started measuring your worth on your appearance. She/he may abhor your slightly disheveled appearance, whether you are a bit messed up, too fat or too skinny, too short or too long. Your partner may be extremely critical of you while you try your best to be understanding. Your spouse may refuse to accompany you to any social gathering out of shame.
- Your spouse will make fun of you in front of your children.
Children learn everything they see faster from their parents. If your marriage relationship is toxic, it may affect them directly. Frequent arguments and quarrels between a husband and a wife may lead to disrespecting each other bluntly in front of their children. The blame game and ‘all-this-is-your-fault’ mentality takes on a new level. This creates a very bad impression of parenting on your child. We all know how failed marriages have led to millions of children leading dilapidated lives. Some spouses are highly abusive and attempt to degrade each other’s character through physical mistreatment, curses and taunts. Your partner may start calling you stupid, brainless, ignorant, loser or even a cunt. This is highly disrespectful and incorrect.
- Withholding sexual intimacy
Sex is a fundamental part of any married relationship. If your partner straightforwardly refuses to have sex, it is a clear indication that your marriage is on its path of demise. I agree that a bond between two people need a heart to heart connection but without physical affection, any marriage remains incomplete. If your spouse brushes off such propositions day after day, he/she is intentionally disrespecting you. Moreover enlarging your family becomes impossible in this context. Denying to engage in physical intimacy sours a healthy alliance between two individuals in the bonds of marriage.
- Where is that extra effort?
Remember the initial days of your married life when you took that extra effort to make everyday special for the both of you. A special effort to look good together, to surprise each other with gifts, to celebrate every occasion of togetherness- is your partner showing a lack of delight in all these aesthetics? Well, it is a clear sign of disregard towards you. He/she may be busy planning out his own life and entertaining his/her space. The chords of passion and interest have rotten. You start to take your spouse for granted which may latter end up in sexual infidelity, resentments and conflicts.
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- Your partner is spilling your marriage with chronic emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is as serious as physical abuse and it is a grave issue. Like most of the signs of a disrespectful marriage, this highly agonizes your inner soul. Your spouse has stopped loving you like he/she used to do before and your relationship is turning shallow. Your frequently opposing points of view are skirmish, your pent up frustration is brimming since your partner cannot fulfill all your needs. You no longer air your complains and solve your problems cohesively. With ego clashes, the dynamics of your married life have changed enormously. You hold grudges against your partner and stop liaising on matters of mutual concern. Your marriage has become a breeding ground for dissent, wounding your fallen pride while the emotional abuse reaches its peak.
- Comparing your partner with the others
Comparisons aren’t always healthy. In a relationship, where you decide to be with each other fully on your own accord, frequent comparisons can spell its doom. Every person is unique and different in their own ways. No two people are exact. Therefore logically, comparisons are fruitless and vain. Your resolution on spending your entire life with another person is usually based on the exclusive and uncommon rapport that you share amongst you. If your partner starts comparing you to another relationship, it means he/she is plainly scorning your unique bond. You cannot be like someone else just because someone asks you to. This shows that you both are forcefully tied up as an unconscious couple. You are forcing yourself to live through it rather than living in it. Constantly comparing yourself to other couples sticks you with the unnecessary stamp of ‘not being good enough’ that hampers a salubrious marriage and makes it unsalvagable.
Nothing in this world is perfect. But a married relationship can be made perfect with that extra tinge of effort. Focusing your entire life and the behavior of your emotions in your relationship builds a strong foundation for your marriage. It’s necessary to perceive all the signs of disrespect in a marriage, otherwise harping on an ineffectual marriage will put strain on both your physical and mental health.
Here are some of the ways of working out a happy, healthy marriage.
- Try building on that same closeness again. Learn to love each other more and everyday. Glue the emotions of your heart to your partners.
- Appreciate your spouse on every small thing that he does only for you. Playing tit-for-tat is childish and it worsens your connection with your spouse.
- Don’t indulge in small talks as they trivialize your relationship. Practice honesty even while you’re ashamed because they give you the best rewards.
- Don’t leave your small annoyances unaddressed. Keep it simple and confront them immediately. Along the same vein, if you feel you aren’t connecting with your partner anymore, you need to say it to her/him now. Don’t stay silent and harbor bad thoughts in your mind.
- To foster other relationships besides your own marriage enables a healthy exchange of opinions and keeps your marriage fresh.
- Recognizing the ebb-and-flow in your marriage shows that your relationship is not flat -lined and hollow.
- Life has its own peaks and valleys. Sometimes the mere thought of having to share the same room with our partner brings you to tears and irritation. It is absolutely okay. The trick is to know how to give each other the required space and to coddle in the emotional middle ground. This is where all your months of togetherness melt into years and you know each other’s reaction before you even say something. It’s when your lost spectacles automatically find their way to your bedside table and when your partner tells you about the episode of Game of Thrones that you slept through.
- For a healthy marriage to flourish, you shouldn’t take extraneous advantage from the person you love. Begin your day with a note on ‘what you can do today to make your spouse happy.’ This may mean waiting for longer hours outside the parlor, sitting through long ball games, eating the food you hate or watching a horror movie with your eyes closed- a little bit of kindness create miracles.
- Being intimate with your partner display a greater zeal of passion. A simple kiss may make your day. Intimacy comes in different forms like cuddling, hugging and a long conversation thereby refilling your marriage with love and endearment.
- Lastly, maneuver your marriage through all the rough patches and never give up.
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Introspection of one’s own marriage is of paramount importance. It takes courage and conviction to make your marriage work and making your marriage the center of your entire life. A healthy marriage isn’t about misplaced priorities and overdoing the feelings of attachment. It’s all about feeding emotionally from your marriage and the longer you do it, the more successful it is.
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License