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The REAL Reason Why So Many Men Are Afraid Of Admitting To Their Soft Side

“Man up a little!”

“Stop behaving like a girl!”

man with his dog

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Truth to be told, every guy out there has heard these statements. It could have come from a distant father who used to think that masculinity is all about being strict or that reckless gym teacher who wanted to make you run an extra lap by challenging your pride. Needless to say, we have created this idealism of masculinity that doesn’t allow men to portray who they are. We can’t pinpoint a few people because our whole society projects it in such a way.

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Right from the moment we are born, we are given an identity – something which we never really ask for. They give us a name, a God to follow, and define the meaning of almost everything around us. It took me quite a while to realize that maybe all those things that were told to me when I was a kid weren’t exactly right. A man is not supposed to behave a certain way. He can express his emotions and show his vulnerability without getting questioned by anyone.

The definition of masculinity that we perceive is wrong.

man with arms crossed_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Masculinity is not about bottling one’s feeling and wearing a masquerade. It is not about being strict or never letting one’s emotions out. One should always feel comfortable with being who they are. If you need to constantly pretend to be someone else or behave in a certain way, then you won’t be able to live your life.

You would merely exist while living the kind of life that has been chosen by someone else for you. How long will it take for you to realize that you can’t behave a certain way your whole life? They have already made all those big choices for you. Can you even make them decide how you are supposed to feel? There is no harm in being vulnerable or depicting your soft side. We all get emotional every now and then, but there is nothing wrong with that. The sooner you realize it, the better it would be for you!

We think being “a girl” is a bad thing.

Last year, my heart got broken into a thousand pieces. I lost the one I loved. That made me fragile and sad beyond any comprehension. Needless to say, I cried. I don’t think there is anything wrong with crying. Real men are not those who think they can face any scenario without shedding a tear. Real men are those who are not afraid to cry and show their soft side.

The moment I shed a tear, they told me “don’t behave like a girl,” or “crying is for girls”.

“Don’t be a girl!”

man thinking_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

This is one such statement that almost every guy out there must have heard in his life. I have heard this statement more than once. What surprise me is that too often, young and smart women have said something like this. I have heard my female family members and even friends saying this to me. They say it in such a way as if being a girl is a bad thing.

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When someone tells me that I’m being a “girl” by expressing emotions, I take pride in it. Though, it really astonishes me when I hear my other female friends saying the same. How can one think that being a girl means weak? Some of my biggest inspirations in this world are women. They are the epitome of strength and I look up to them at every step of the way. I take it as a compliment instead!

For me, being a girl means being strong. It means being compassionate to others. They really run the world. My mere existence is possible because of a woman. How can be “being a girl” a bad thing?

I really don’t know if I cry like a girl or not or if I behave like a girl or not. I don’t really know about our ideal behavior. I can’t be a robot my whole life. I might not behave like a perfect man does, but I do behave like a human. And that is enough for me. I don’t think that we can tag a gender like this and expect them to behave a certain way.

These days, girls are doing the most daring things and boys are rocking stilettos than any other female supermodel. Instead of teaching our kids how they are supposed to behave according to their gender, why now teach them how to be a human first?

We consider being emotional as a sign of weakness.

man thinking_New_Love_Times

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

It might be subjective from one society to another. What you consider strength can be a weakness for someone else. The way I see it, anyone can bottle their emotions. All you have to do is put your heart around a tiny and dark vessel. Shut it all down. Stop feeling emotions like hate, anger, happiness, sorrow, and everything in between. You will soon be devoid of passion. Our society might call you a “real man” by doing so, but it would not be worth it.

You won’t be able to experience something as beautiful as love. You will become distant and won’t live your life the right way. It takes guts to vessel your feelings and to shape them with your words. You can’t be powerful without being vulnerable. It takes some courage to express your thoughts and to find just the right words to let others know about your feelings.

There are so many lost souls out there who are completely oblivious of their own feelings. Even when something like love enters their life, they are not able to recognize it. They have already strangled their soul in such a complicated way, that they don’t understand how simple it can be to let go of it.

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In our society, it is considered that being emotional is a sign of weakness. The moment we see a man crying or even expressing a passionate emotion, we think that he is not strong enough. As if a guy can only be strong enough by lifting weights or having an emotionless face. What takes a guy to be strong is by knowing who he is. You can’t fight a battle without identifying your own worth!

We have this idea of a “perfect man”.

You know the one who never cries and is always there to save the day. The one who can ride a white horse and win an empire in the blink of an eye. How long would you keep projection your idea of a man who doesn’t even exist on others (or even yourself)?

man thinking_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

There is no such thing as perfection. We all go through some bad things in life and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging it. You can grieve in your own way and shed a tear if you want, irrespective of your gender. You can show your love to your significant other without getting judged. You can be emotional at times without getting called by a name. The sooner you stop chasing this unrealistic idea of perfection, the better it would be for you. You should accept yourself for who you are. Even if it means that you are a sensitive guy who likes to show his emotions. At least, you will be true to yourself!

Being emotionless will leave you unfulfilled for the rest of your life.

We are just producing robots and creating passionate kids into monsters. Yes, I said it. If you are not passionate enough and can’t feel emotions like grief, pain, happiness, or joy, then you are nothing less than a monster.

Our obsession to put a label on everything has created this issue. We are the creators of this most atrocious monster that roams freely in our society. Gone are the days when people used to label things. Now, they define even human beings in one world.

Fat. Skinny. Ugly. Beautiful. Masculine. Feminine. And the list goes on.

Well, it would take more than just a few words to define me. I’m more than just a label and words like these don’t define who I am. Yes, I have a soft side, but I’m so much more than that. I’m a compassionate person who is never afraid to show my emotions. I’m a writer who can touch you in the most heart-wrenching way with my words. I’m a fanatic who falls in love with the idea of love itself, almost every passing day. I’m a dreamer who thinks that we all are a figment of God’s imagination and the day he would open his eyes, we’ll all be lost. I’m not a box – I have more than four sides and I can’t let my soft side define me.

Yes, I have a soft side and I won’t have it any other way. It makes me who I’m and it doesn’t mean that I’m not “masculine” enough. I might not be able to fit the description of a perfect man, but I’m pretty content with being a human – and that is pretty rewarding in itself!

Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

Article Name
Why So Many Men Are Afraid Of Admitting To Their Soft Side
Yes, I have a soft side and I won’t have it any other way.
Bhavya Kaushik

Bhavya Kaushik

A national bestselling author, Bhavya believes that too often the stories we write paint the reality we try to escape from. Bhavya believes in breaking the stereotypes and trying new things because life is too short to let it stay boring. With his love for verse, he can be found avidly blogging about life, love and everything that covers in between. He lives his life by the motto, 'I'm the story of my own journey.' "I don't write stories. I write characters."