10 Types Of Men You Will Meet In Post-Divorce Dating

by Sejal Parikh · September 18, 2015

Dating after divorce sucks. Seriously, if you’ve stepped outside the ruins of your marriage, hoping to find love beyond the cemetery of ache and regret, you are in for the mad dance of some hard-hitting truths.

Truth no 1: You know when they say ‘all the good ones are taken,’ they aren’t lying. Dating after divorce is a feast on leftovers! Unless you want to snag someone young, but that’s discussion for another post, really!

Truth no 2: Cupid is resigned from his managerial position for those dating after divorce– so, getting in his good graces ‘ain’t happening, matey!’

Truth no 3: You’d be dealing with halves- men halved by anger, bitterness, resentment, ache or worse, hate! Not everybody has got the ability to emerge whole on the other side and then begin dating- and this goes triple for the men out there.

What? Don’t believe me?

Check out the specimens you WILL run into whenever it is that you’re ready to begin dating after divorce:

1. Mr. ‘Aren’t We There Yet’

Image source: Pinterest

This is the guy who will pop the M-word before you have downed that first martini on date number one. Forward to the time after date three and he will take the leeway to shop groceries for you, ask you to pick toilet paper for him and might even give you the keys to his apartment! Having been recently divorced, the single life doesn’t go down well with Mr. ‘Aren’t we there yet’ and he simply wants to sink into the overbearing comfort of being a coffee-chugging couch potato with homemade yum food spread on the dinner table each night! If you are the sane types who wants to take her own sweet time before saying ‘I do’ again, run, run, good woman, run!

2. Mr. Let-Me-Check-My-Calendar

Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License

This guy HAS come to terms with his single status (oh, Thank God!) and he wants to meet a great woman too (Another BIG thank you) but…(oh, no..coz there’s always a but)… he isn’t willing to change his schedule one bit to make room for her. So, when fixing up a date with this one, you might have to skip Monday coz he has that important meeting at work and Tuesday coz he has squash and Wednesday coz well, he can’t skip yoga and Thursday coz he needs to work on his memoir and Friday coz he has an appointment with the vet for poor old Bruno. Weekends aren’t lookin’any good either coz well, he is camping out. But good news, he has a two-hour window on the third Tuesday from now, if you can make it to his neighborhood! Lucky you! 😛

3. Mr. Burned By The Ex

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All of us who are dating after divorce carry around some of the ache leftover by our exes. But the bitterness of this guy can make a vanilla ice-cream topped with hot chocolate fudge sour! You can tell the type right off the bat when he will make a snide remark about your choice on the menu- coz anybody who eats pot roast is a wanton b*tch, right? And tops it with nasty comments about any topic you begin by relating it to his ex and how she spoke about the same. Lucky, he picked up the cues of her ‘obnoxious’ behavior and will not fall for these *tricks* now. Your cue to excuse yourself for the restroom and never return!

4. Mr. Still-In-Love-With-The-Ex–

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This one still pining for his ex. A few drinks into his system and you might be handing him tissues all night, listening to him sob and go on and on and on about how much he loved her, how he’d have done anything for her, how she cuckolded him and why he’d never know what he’d done wrong, where he’d faltered and stopped being a good husband! At one point, you might feel like stuffing those tissues in his mouth just so he’d stop talking- coz, let’s admit it ladies, you can only feel sorry for the poor guy for two hours, tops! And that when you have had scotch, neat! 😛

5. Mr. I Like You, But

Image source: Flickr

This one is a nice guy- or at least, he seems to be. He is chivalrous, can run errands, is great with kids, makes good of his promises, keeps his words, holds no mansplaining syndrome for the ex and can sure give you the teenage-butterflies-in-the-tummy whenever he says he’d call- and call he does! Only he cannot bring himself around to commit. After a year of dating and crazyloads of sex, all you get for a ‘where is this going’ is a dismissive shrug of shoulders and a ‘let’s take it slow’ refrain! Dude, you can get away with that only if you are George Clooney- and maybe not even then!

Suggested read: Things you MUST know about dating a single dad

6. Mr. Grey (will see you now)

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Ooh- interesting is it? Haven’t you read the fourth installment of James’ copy-paste hodge-podge from the Fifty Shades series, with pukeworthy insights into the freak’s thoughts? Trust me, that’s too much to handle and nobody’s got time for THAT! :/

7. Mr. Overgrown frat guy

Image source: Shutterstock

The wife’s gone and so he is reveling in the fact that he can turn the man-cave his ‘warden’ allowed him into the bachelor pad he can take pride in. Think Metallica posters, autographed sports memorabilia, video game consoles, mismatched furniture, leftover pizza slices and well, beer cartons! Yes, there might be a Thomas Kinkade painting in the corner but that’s only coz it was a gift from his mom! Not only does he believe that all of *this* makes him the ‘boy’ he was twenty years ago, he tries to act like one! And you do not want to be a parent to a fifty-year old and ground him when he oversteps, do you?

8. Mr. ‘I have to be with the kids’

Image source: Shutterstock

Now, now, don’t get me wrong- there’s nothing wrong with being a single dad and dating. Most of us in the single parent club understand the pressures of dating when we have kids waiting at home and how we’ve got to steal the ticks of the clock from being WITH the kids to go out on dates- except this guy is REALLY, REALLY, WITH the kids. All the f’in time! There is always a kid excuse for everything- and if you are lucky enough to get to see him, you might be in for a ‘let’s-do-Anna’s-Art-project’ date! Yay!! Crayons, please! <facepalm>

9. Mr. Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

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Now there’s a reason every member of the ‘dating after divorce’ club belongs here. Too bad then that you cannot really figure out why this guy is here- because his story for getting a divorce changes every time someone pops the question! Anybody got truth serum over here?

10. Mr. Too-Good-To-Be-True

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Now, I haven’t really met this one but I’d like to believe the type exists. They are the actual unicorns of the ‘dating after divorce’ world and has actually taken the time to reflect on his broken marriage, own up and learn from his ‘half’ in what went wrong and deepen his understanding of what makes REAL relationships tick. Now, I haven’t been lucky but my other friends tell me there have been sightings of the species. Call me if you see one, maybe? 😉

I’m taking a HAPPY break for now! Phew! 😉

Featured image source: Shutterstock

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