Masculinity, a word that is not only misused but is also ‘the father’ of other ‘abused’ words and ideas, Feminism being the primary! But let’s not allow ladies first today because we all know that it’s just a scam!
*Controlling the in-built feminist device kicking in*
As soon as a child is born with the ‘essentials’ that make him a boy, the bar is raised for him to become a man someday. But what is a man?
- Someone who’s not a p*ssy
- Who has grown a pair
- Someone who subscribes to the following notions
A – Acting fresh
Image source: wifflegif
“How you doin’?”
Don’t say it unless:
- You are Joey
- You are Joey
- You are Joey
B – Boasting about heroic events
I still remember Joffrey’s face when he had to take charge of his army but was busy wondering if his mommy was calling for something urgent instead! Just saying! 😉
C – Cracking dirty jokes
Image source: thebengalurean
Have you heard that one where the hot girl? Not funny!
D – Dwarfing women
Image source: Tumblr
Factually and figuratively!
E – Enjoying the prodigal son status
Now this! Dad’s claim that they love their children equal and don’t discriminate; they divide their wealth in half – for the son’s education and the daughter’s wedding. Oh, yea dad’s a man too!
F – Feeling women in public transport
Image source: Pinterest
Feelings and real men are supposed to have no connection whatsoever, but this ‘feeling’ seems to amuse them a lot!
G – Going shirtless
Wait, the ‘abs’ are getting loaded!
H – Hating the homosexuals
Homophobia is the only fear that daunts the real men. They feel it’s a communicable disease that can spread by talking normally with homosexuals or treating them as equals!
I – Itching their privates in public
Image source: Tumblr
And that look on their face when they do it!
J – Joining the gym
Image source: Giphy
And putting statuses about it so that people know coz the main objective of hitting it is, letting everyone know.
K – Knowing where to put it! 😉
You know nothing, Jon Snow!
L – Lending money to bros
Coz bros before hoes and if we are still going with Snow, ‘crows’ before hoes!
M – Man-saluting aka farting
Image source: Giphy
Blowing your own trumpet! 😉
Suggested read: This A-Z lesson on FemiNazis will show you how feminism is abused
N – Not crying!
‘Mard ko dard nahi hota’ remember?
O – Ogling women with x-ray eyes
Image source: indiatimes
‘Choli ke peeche kya hai?’ The eternal question!
P – Peeing in public
Just sprinkling the plants on the sidewalks so that they grow!
Q – Quoting Rocky Balboa
And The Godfather. How could I forget The Godfather?!
R – Running away from household chores*
Image source: Tumblr
*Terms and conditions apply: Only applicable IF ever asked to perform any chores!
S – Smoking like a chimney
That’s like being on fire, man!
T – Traveling in boxers (exclusively)
Oh! Those manly hairy legs!
U – Using derogatory slangs
Image source: Tumblr
Yo dawg I erd u like ta use slangs, mah nigga!
V – Visualizing women naked
Shake that biscuit babe, shake it for me!
W – Watching porn
‘Porn’ this way!
X – X-ing every girlfriend for the next
Ashley Madison account holder?
Y – Yelling at their subordinates
Image source: imgur
A man’s voice should be daunting like thunder! Guess what Bee Gees have to say about that!
Z – Zapping people with their biker moves (quite literally!)
May the ‘farce’ be with you!
But is this really what maketh a man? High time we THINK!
Featured image source: erepublik
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