Love can be frightening for sure. So many hopes are dashed, dreams are shattered and hearts are broken, not to mention commitment phobia. People witness so many failed relationships and marriages in their lives. The newspapers are just plain depressing. Expectations have to be lowered, and dwelling in a fictional place in our heads is so much more satisfying.
Consciously or subconsciously, we become wary of this grenade called love, and when it does get dropped on us, some of us can’t put ourselves out there in a real way, both physically and emotionally, with the near-constant fear of getting rejected after opening up to someone, or worse, placing our trust in the wrong person. The rest of us who are not cynics and can see the sun in spite of the clouds, have a more optimistic approach.
Suggested read: 10 valid reasons why some of us are afraid of love
So why should we date those who are afraid to love? Here are 10 reasons why it might be worth it to love someone like that.
1. You might have a positive impact on someone’s life.
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We all want to leave a mark in the world, change someone’s life, make an impact in the smallest way because we all want to matter. If you date someone who’s afraid to love, you might be ‘the one’ for them but consider yourself successful even if you are able to change their mindset and make them fearless about love and relationships. And what better way to change lives for good than love? You could be the love that resurrects their lives and makes them get closer to what they really, truly want.
I had watched a great movie some time ago and there was a saying in it that may be apt here: “This is the first, tiny green sprout of life fighting its way out of the gravel parking lot of your heart.” So, if you get to be the green sprout, it may not benefit you directly but it would make you feel pretty awesome.
2. The fun is in the chase.
It’s not a completely selfless act. If hard to get is your type, you could try dating someone who is afraid to love. Granted that these are two completely different things, but it’s worth it. Those who play hard to get, deliberately employ the trick to make it fun while those who are afraid to love, can’t help it but whatever floats your boat, eh?
3. You will get your space.
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Sometimes people don’t or can’t understand the concept of personal space or privacy when they are in a relationship with you. Even if you share a home or a life, it doesn’t imply you can’t enjoy some time off. While people with a fear of love and commitment withdraw real quick, that will be a plus for you if you’re dating someone of that ilk. You can take as much time off from your partner as possible, without them being clingy or holding on to you like a barnacle to a boat.
4. The physical aspect of your relationship may be great.
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It might not be true in all cases, but sometimes what people lack emotionally, they try to compensate for it in bed. They’ll try to pleasure you in ways that will keep your appetite satiated. So while you help them get over their fears, they’ll give your body what it desires.
Suggested read: 10 invaluable things about love that my mom taught me
5. You’ll help them get over their fears and insecurities.
Think of yourself as a coach or a Guru. Only, instead of helping a person get over their phobia of heights or water, you will be helping confront their insecurities and make them accept, even love themselves. You will be inspiring a person and helping them find their own brand of spirituality. You will make them fall in love with the art that is living. What could be more liberating than that?
6. You’re looking for something casual.
It doesn’t always have to be a grand gesture about trying to change lives. A lot of people are looking for flings and hook ups during the winter months and holidays. No one wants to be single at that point and turn up alone at the parties. They want to have fun and often want to be seen having fun. After all the drinking and merry making, it’s nice to cuddle and keep warm at the end of the day. So you don’t have to fix those who don’t believe in love, just take the advantage of their emotional unavailability. The only condition is that you have to tell them that you’re not looking for anything serious. Flings are nice even if they mean nothing. You also get to make friends, meet so many other people and increase your social circle.
7. You don’t have to clean up the mess.
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It’s not your responsibility to change anyone’s life. That way, you don’t exactly become selfish. It’s about getting your priorities straight. You may not be interested in caring about people. So if your relationship is casual and your partner is not into labels and commitments, you don’t have to deal with the mess. You don’t need to meet the parents or introduce anyone to your loved ones. You don’t have to worry about anyone’s approval or disapproval. You don’t need to face confessions, tears, serious conversations about your relationship, annoying flossing habits, and other un-fun stuff that are a part and parcel of any relationship. You could just have fun and enjoy your own little bubble while it lasts.
8. It might just be what you need.
If you’ve just had your own share of bad breakups, dating a person who is afraid to love might be a good idea. If you need a rebound, who would be better to get back in the game with than a person who’s scared of attachments? Romance and love have let you down in life recently. So after getting over the pain of rejection or breaking up, you need a random person (who is not a serial killer, terrorist or an axe murderer ;)) to boost your self-esteem without really trying to find a connection. As Donna Meagle had once said, “use him, abuse him, lose him.” Of course, considering that they want to engage in something casual as well. Or else, it might not work out.
9. Freedom to date multiple people at once.
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Since they do not look forward to committing to you, you could ask them to consider dating multiple people at once. A lot of people are open to all kinds of relationships, and dating one person is not sufficient for them. When you have multiple partners to pay attention to and entertain, it leaves you no time to feel empty and hollow or wonder about the point of your existence and how futile everything is. The only glitch is not everyone will agree to engage in such relationships. So your target in these cases is the commitment phobe. The odds of them agreeing to these is more than other people.
Suggested read: Why I am afraid to fall in love
10. You may have gotten yourself a great companion.
If you do end up having a long lasting functional relationship with someone who is scared to love, imagine how immensely rewarding it will be. They will love you like they have loved no other person after you are able to bring down that wall behind which they concealed their emotional vulnerability. Even if you don’t end up together forever, you will have connected to that person like you connect with no one else. In other words, you have gotten yourself a good friend who could help you out with your own set of issues.
Accept the guardedness your partner seems to have. Acceptance is the first step towards happiness. Fear of intimacy is not easy to overcome. It takes weeks and months of bonding before you can get close enough to a person to change their negative, pessimistic outlook towards love and life. Love is an integral part of our lives despite being an emotion that causes you pain and leaves your wounds exposed. You can’t blame a person for protecting themselves against something like that. So you need to often take a step back and let their anxiety settle before you help them out. Alternatively, you could seek what you need from them and have fun without hurting anyone’s sentiments. You just need to be clear on what you’re looking for in the relationship with someone who’s scared to love.
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