So you have debated endlessly with yourself with extensive arguments and counter-arguments, and have mentally prepared yourself for the critical moment. You have finally gotten down on one knee and popped the question, and been rewarded with a resounding “yes.”
Now, it is time to re-evaluate your decision. Marriage is neither the joyride nor the prison that everyone seems to think it is; it is a compromise that is born out of love and respect. It is simply important to have certain things settled and taken care of, and certain misconceptions cleared, before you say your “I do’s.” Here are a number of things that every man should know before you enter into the bond of matrimony, so that you know what you are signing up for.
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1. You have to bid farewell to your bachelor days
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Many men call marriage a trap or a mistake because they have to put an end to their carefree bachelor days. But when Cliff Richards very lovingly crooned “Son, you’ll be a bachelor boy, until your dying day,” he was kidding. The fun, frivolity, and fooling around has to go after you are married, because you will be making the conscious decision of spending your life with one and one individual only. Coming home late, getting drunk randomly, going on trips with your boys, and being as dirty as you want – all that has to go when you’re entering a commitment as serious as marriage. This sort of commitment is not easy to make, so you have to think carefully before you finally do marry her.
2. It is important to figure out your plan of action
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If you have not settled down and don’t have a plan of action for the future, then marriage is not going to be an easy task, because people will have a hard time believing your promises and vows. If you are at a confused stage in life yourself, do not add to the list of responsibilities by getting married. Before you get hitched, you have to make sure that you have stability and security and a dependable future to offer your bride-to-be when the time comes.
3. You will eventually have to think about starting a family
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Before entering wedlock, you have to understand that eventually you have to think about having kids, and if you are not ready, then you have to take the right measures to prevent having a baby before you are ready to take care of them. Make sure you are on the same page with your fiancée on this.
4. A job and a degree do not a good husband make
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Although these are big bonuses when it comes to finding the right partner, you have to understand that these are not the only things that matter when you plan to get married. The duties and responsibilities of a husband entail much more than just a degree from a hot-shot university and then a hot-shot job. If you have an over-inflated sense of importance because of these things, you might be condescending about your wife’s professional life and career, which can be disastrous for your relationship. Being considerate, compassionate, and understanding are the basic prerequisites of being a husband, and the rest are just perks, not the other way around.
Suggested read: 10 things every man should know before committing in a relationship
5. You can never take her for granted
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Yes, you will be spending the rest of your life with her, and yes, this is not a relationship where either of you can walk out any minute you please. However, just because you know that your wife will be there at the end of the day for you, you can never, ever take her for granted. Just because you are now tied together for life does not mean you stop pursuing her. Never undermine her value, and never stop paying attention to her needs. Once you stop being emotionally invested in the relationship, it becomes a vicious cycle whereby she might just do the same. Do not get into a marriage thinking that you can always get a divorce if things go downhill, because that is not how relationships work.
6. You have to learn to adjust
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After you are married, you will be permanently moving in with your spouse. Living with another person is a whole new experience that you have to handle sensitively. You have to understand that not everyone is the same, and everyone has their own habits that might not suit your tastes and your upbringing. However, when you have decided to spend the rest of your life with this person, you have to adjust to the small changes you might notice around the house because of their habits and behavior. You might be irritated at the way they squeeze toothpaste out of the tube or leave their wet towel lying around, but keep in mind that they will have to put up with your idiosyncrasies as well.
7. You have to become a healthy individual
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After you are married, you will be responsible for the lives of at least one more individual and you have a duty towards them (and yourself) to remain fit and healthy. When you were young and single and lived with your parents, you did not have to worry about your health, because you knew there was someone to take care of you when you fell sick. However, habits like drinking, smoking, and other errant substances have to be reduced to a minimum and you have to become a truly responsible individual, in order to have a happy and healthy married life. Although this might seem trivial, it’s one the important things every man should know before marriage.
8. Judgments and egos will become obsolete after marriage
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You become intrinsically connected to another human being when you get married to them. You don’t have to worry about the smaller ‘flaws’ that you have because they cease to be flaws to them. You don’t have to worry about being judged when you make mistakes, because you are in this together. If the two of you truly love each other, even after years, you will be able to put each other before your egos, and that is how even the most serious fights will be resolved. The true fairytale lies here.
9. There are ways to prevent becoming the old, boring married couple
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After getting married, not everyone becomes the stereotypical old, married couple who only talk about their day during dinner in monosyllables and sleep on opposite sides of the bed. If you marry the person you love, and you are willing to work at the relationship consistently, the spark will stay, irrespective of how long you have been married. Nothing can prevent you from being exciting and hot and happening even after 50 years of being hitched to each other!
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10. Love yourself before you can love her
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Most advisory books and articles written for women ask them to love themselves and their minds and their bodies before they can give love to another individual. The fact of the matter is, men are no different. You have to come to terms with everything that had hurt you in the past, whether it was your childhood or a past relationship, and get rid of all your self-loathing, hurt, anger, and other negative emotions, before you can enter a relationship as powerful and loving as marriage. If you keep all this bottled up, then it might adversely affect your relationship after you are married. Only after you learn to completely love yourself will you be able to love your spouse with the passion and dedication that they deserve, and it will also give them the impetus to love you to the same extent.
Well, now you know all the things every man should know before getting married. You can’t say you weren’t aware of these things!
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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