A gym is the macro life-size version of cartoon network. If you look up from your bench press you will see them- the cartoon characters- going about their oddities. These adrenaline pumps- all have their own reasons to come to the gym. They also have discernible traits which make them unique.
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And here’s what the men you meet in the gym look like:
1. The hippie
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He doesn’t conform to the body standards put forward by the materialist society. He’s just there to take care of his body. He talks about how unhealthy the health supplements are, and only drinks Kale smoothies out of his vintage water bottle from class 3. You will find him smelling like Seth Rogen most of the time, and his favorite equipment in the gym is his Yoga mat which is made from hemp. He also pretends to meditate while sleeping. His choice of music is unexplainable indie pop and whale music.
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2. The couch potato
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He is mostly found near the bean bags, relaxing throughout the day. His favorite part of the gym is the cafeteria. He will pretend to be healthy and the most he does for his health is have coffee with one sachet of sugar rather than two. He really has no business in the gym, and spends his time looking through the newspaper and magazines. He is actually there for the view. 😉
3. The fitness freak
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He is the ruthless person who would drop the weight on you while spotting for you, to just get his chance. He only listens to techno on his phone, which is synced with his Fitbit. He is almost always on a diet, and the only moment in which he is not working out is between getting off the treadmill and getting onto the exercise cycle. He never goes under a hundred lifts a day, and that is when he is feeling lazy. He is probably the most dedicated person in the gym, and you will find him there from the minute the gym opens to when it gets closed. He never misses a day.
4. The trainer who never gives up
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He is usually the one aiding the fitness freak in his quest of glory. He will come up with innovative phrases to pump him up. His muscles have muscles, and he will make you feel bad about everything you eat. He is the fitness freak who never left the gym, and the gym has simply adopted him. ALL his clothes are gym clothes.
5. The middle aged fitness enthusiast
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You can recognize him by his lemon green headband and floppy gym shorts. His hair might be falling, but his enthusiasm certainly isn’t. He will listen to Eye of the Tiger on loop until he is done. He also takes periodic breaks in which he drinks nimbu paani made by his wife. He is the oldest member of the gym, and he only uses the old equipment because that is what he is accustomed to using.
6. The guy who sweats too much
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He is the reason why the gym is always running out of towels. His shirts have permanent sweat patches, and he sweats a litre after working out for 15 minutes. He hangs 3 towels on his machine –one to use before starting, one to use while he is working out and he uses all three at the end of the session. After that he heads over to the water cooler to finish all the water.
7. The husband who has been forcefully sent to the gym
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He has come to the gym because his wife will divorce him unless he gets rid of his paunch. He listens to upbeat bollywood music on his phone and pants after a couple of minutes. But he gets up on the machine a few seconds later. You have to admire his commitment, what if he has slipped off the treadmill a couple of times. He always gets back up. He has a marriage to save.
8. The guy with too much body hair
He is the Anil Kapoor of the gym. He has no shame in showing off his body hair. He wears the hair like his second coat – literally. This is the guy you make no eye contact with. You don’t even look at him because he takes away all your inspiration in a minute.
9. The flirt
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He is just there to hit on the women in the gym. You can see him doing pushups near the yoga area. You can see him doing the sit ups near the pilates section. And you can see him not doing anything when the women aren’t at the gym. He also has a book of pickup lines exclusively for the gym. Think “How’d you like to be my special push-up partner?”
10. The lurker
He is the guy who increases your awkwardness as he lurks around your machine. You are not sure if he wants to use it, as he continues to use every other machine available around your machine. The moment you get off from your machine, he jumps aboard. This type is also found lurking around outside the gym, taking sneak peeks through the glass window. Beware!
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11. The one who grunts too loudly
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He will imitate Maria Sharapova in the gym. His gargantuan groans are heard across the streets. And if you close your eyes, it almost sounds like a whale being strangled. He will show that he is putting in the maximum amount of effort. And he will make sure that you know that he is.
And now, I’ve gotta head to the gym! See ya!
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