When it comes to socially awkward people like me, daily life is a real struggle! But it can get even worse when we try our hand at the dating game! See, we are not exactly clumsy in love. There is just something about that first touch, first kiss, or first coffee date (yes, it’s hard to get past that!) that scares us. We know what is going to happen: we will trip on our shoelaces, fall miserably on our chin, and enjoy the entire evening getting ‘stitched’ and in no way ‘hitched’!
Despite being socially awkward, we live on bravely, accepting who we are, and always on the lookout for similar souls. However, if you want to date us, you must learn to understand our unique ways. If you can read through the entire list of the dating struggles of awkward people, you will surely love us! Please, love us!
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1. “Hi” means “I love you” right?
Image source: Pinterest
“What does that actually mean?” We find ourselves saying this phrase every 15 minutes like a parrot while having a virtual conversation with somebody we have a crush on! We like to keep it in the virtual realm because ‘real’ human conversations are way too unbearable for us! See, texting the person we are crushing on does not come naturally to us, okay? We will bring up odd conversation topics when under pressure! We will make every possible attempt to keep the conversation going!
Crush: So see you tomorrow. Good night!
Me: Ummm, I wanted to ask you, what your favorite anatomy chapter was in 6th grade?!
Crush: That’s something exciting! So we should discuss it tomorrow. Right?
Me: Grool! (Yes, we make up words too!)
2. ‘Signs’ don’t mean a thing!
You have to keep ‘showing’ us that you love us or are at least interested in us. Do not expect us to read the signs! What seems like clear signs to you make no sense to us. Even if you send us a package full of goodies or a bouquet of our favorite flowers, we will still be mulling over whether you ‘like’ us or not. We will remind ourselves of 21 other things that you did or said last year that point towards you not being interested in us! They say that the first step to dealing with a problem is to realize and admit that you have one. However, in the case of socially awkward people and their dating struggles, this does not apply!
3. 19th nervous breakdown
The more we are into you, the more nervous and panicky we become! Calming down is not our strong suit. We cannot stop praying every night and chanting whatever little magic words we know to make sure that this turns out to be something special. We will nod thrice to whatever you say and keep that Cheshire cat smile so that you know we are really enjoying ourselves in your company. We forget that unlike us, you can pick up on signs like a normal human being (because you are one!), so we overdo it. We don’t want to run the risk of not being clear!
4. ‘Kiss’ me not
The first kiss is a phenomenon too strange for our socially awkward minds to work out! Whether to suck the air in or to breathe it out while smooching is like rocket science to us. We may get so nervous about the task ‘at lips’ that we may leave before it actually happens, because what if the other person is not even thinking about it?! Maybe we are the only ones dreaming here! Or maybe this person is waiting for us to take charge and get the job done. Whoa! That’s never gonna happen, bro! Hasta la vista!
Now, flirting for socially awkward people is a different saga entirely! Once I gave it a shot because I thought a stranger was waving at me, but it turned out that he was actually waving at his girlfriend sitting across the room and I was just in the line of sight! That was the last time I made a move: the summer of 2001! What if someone flirts with us? Well, we need to notice it first, and second, we will not know whether to shake hands with you and introduce ourselves or maybe a fist bump is cooler nowadays. Not knowing what to do next, we will pretend we didn’t even see you in the first place!
6. I need to install TrueCaller first!
When a complete unknown but hot-looking ‘entity’ asks for our number, we kick start a 2-hour long debate to decide whether it is worth the whole deal or not. “See, this person could be a terrorist or a drug dealer or an axe murderer or a total psycho, who will call me like hundred times … oh wait! That’s me.” By the time we are 20-80 percent sure about giving our numbers, the creature will be in some other part of the world! 😛
7. Touch my hand and…
We will want to touch you so bad that it might come off like we’re trying too hard. No, that ‘get your hands off me, you are hurting me’ look makes no sense to us. We will paw at you like you are some sandwich and we are a bear – a hungry bear. Hope you got my point. I can elaborate, you know!
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8. Run away (not) with me!
We might run an extra 15 blocks to avoid running into you if we are crushing on you. If we do end up running into you, don’t expect any ‘small talk.’ We might even dance into your arms singing, “Do you love me as much as I do?” That works in the movies, right? And our dancing skills, those are the last nail in the coffin of our non-existent love life!
9. Story of my life!
If we happen to reach the ‘candle light dinner’ level (owing to you being completely nuts or a real optimist, which is kinda the same thing!), then you’re in for a real surprise! How our pet had a serious bowel problem when we were five and other such gruesome tales are our favorite stories, and the only ones that we know!
10. Hug me ‘tight’
Saying goodbye to our crush, now that’s heart breaking. Yes, I am even talking about the casual see-ya-laters! We will hug you so tight to show you how smitten we are with you and might even strangle you to death in the process.
11. Passive compulsives!
For the socially awkward, courting scenes usually involve them continuously asking, “Are you alright?” or “Is something wrong?” We are the overly concerned and insecure types while dating. Basically, we are like that dude from Waiting who could never ever pee in public!
Our thoughts when our date wants us to meet their friends: “The boat’s sinking, Captain! You still have time to run away!” I mean, what are we supposed to talk to them about after the customary “Hey, what’s up?” is exchanged?! And what happens when our date goes to the bathroom?!!! “I think we need to talk. I think you have become too demanding of me. It’s time we break up!”
13. Eyes say it all, literally!
“When eyes do the talking…” Well, socially awkward people may just stare at you and scare the hell out of you. Remember, ‘Silence of the Lambs’? Yeah, we thought that was romantic! However, if you look at us, we will start rubbing our eyes so much that they turn red!
14. “I don’t wanna miss a thing”
We will stalk you on Facebook: read your status updates, re-read them, and look at all your albums so many times that we know the chronological order of your photos! Yes, there is a thin line of difference between a serial stalker and a socially awkward dater! The former might even be a better option in case you are looking for love!
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15. “The (last) night of my life!”
If something does happen some night after we go out, we have no idea how to behave the next morning! We are kind of sure that you are going to leave us now and so we must make the first move and get moving!
Our social awkwardness has always gotten the better of us, making us go crazy around the person we have a crush on. We also have no clue about being seductive. The best we can do is being desperate. But you should also know that we are priceless if you can match up to our weirdness! 😉
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