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16 Undeniable Signs You Are Having An Emotional Affair

“C’mon, we are just good friends.”

“What’s wrong with you? I love my spouse!”

“We just get along really well. It’s nothing physical!”

Have you caught yourself making these comments lately about a particular person who isn’t your partner? Well, it could be that you are smack dab in an emotional affair! Or maybe you are not, but you are heading towards one. But then again, there is a possibility that you are genuinely just good friends sharing a very healthy relationship! So how do you tell these apart?

Suggested read: Is an emotional affair destroying your relationship?

Of course by using the following signs of an emotional affair! We give you 16 undeniable ones.

1. You constantly lie to your partner about seeing this person you are having an emotional affair with.

couple talking_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

You don’t consider this a real lie, however, since it is only a small omission. You fail to tell your significant other about the innocent coffee date you went for with the other person. What’s the big deal, eh? No, it is not. But this particular incident didn’t slip your mind, right? You didn’t tell your partner on purpose and so, it is one of the signs of an emotional affair, and hence on our list. If you still think otherwise, ask yourself a question: Why did I not mention it to my partner? You will get your answer.

2. You text this other person often. Worse, you keep it a secret.


Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

You cannot hold your fire when you are expecting a text from this other person and you sneakily keep checking your phone to avoid missing any. You stay up all night pretending to be working on your laptop, but as soon as your partner stops noticing, you chat with this other person.

In any relationship, when the balance of who you like to communicate with shifts from your partner to someone else, there are no doubts that you are involved in emotional infidelity.

3. You share secrets with this other person and not your partner.

Confiding in someone is not a bad thing but if you feel more comfortable about sharing all your secrets with someone who is not your spouse and someone you are attracted to, there is something way more than friendship going on.

As time goes by, you will start sharing secrets about your S.O. with this person and that will be enough to make things worse. It is ethically wrong to talk to someone about the things that your spouse does (and maybe laugh about it too!). Instead talk to your partner about these issues and try to work towards a better relationship.

4. You tend to do special little things for this other person; things you don’t do for anyone else.

wedding gift_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

That cute card you chose for this person, spending hours looking for it! Well, you absolutely needed it to be perfect, right? Or maybe the things you cook for them and sneakily send it over without telling anyone about it, especially your partner. You think it is innocent, but we think these are small invites for the other to reciprocate. You need to run your mind over the intentions behind these actions, and of course, the consequences of the same.

5. You feel awkward when your S.O. discusses something about this other person.

 If this other person is someone within the friend circle that you and your S.O. share, they are bound to come up in discussions quite often. If you catch yourself feeling uncomfortable whenever your partner talks of or comments about this person, emotional cheating is probably what’s happening right there! It is vital that you explore your conscience and be absolutely honest about this affair with yourself.

6. You have constant mood swings depending on the kind of signals you get from this person.

Your feelings are extremely powerful and intense at the moment. How you feel depends on how your “crush” treats you or the vibes that they offer. In any love affair emotional or physical or both, it is tough to keep a control over your feelings. It is high time you take a deep breath and calm things down before things go really out of hand.

7. Just thinking about them makes you feel more alive.

woman smiling_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

Indeed one of the deadliest signs of an emotional affair! The spiraling of feelings and sensations which come with a new love affair is indeed a great turn on. So don’t try fighting that because it’s natural and it will happen. Instead nurture it. There are high chances that these feelings will fade away with time. Yes, I hate saying this but that’s the good and the bad news.

Suggested read: Emotional infidelity – worse than a physical affair?

8. You wish your S.O. was more like this person you “admire.”

You constantly compare your partner to the other person, and of course, not favorably! Judgments tend to leave us either feeling happy or really bitter. In your case, you feel great when you think of this person and strangely feel awful when you think of your partner.

You do admire your partner for their qualities but that definitely is not enough anymore, since now you know how much better someone can be and how much more you deserve. You are being a little selfish there, dear!

9. You have started dressing up to impress this special someone who is not your S.O.!

man getting ready_New_Love_Times

Image source: Shutterstock

Trying to attract the attention of this other person by dressing up accordingly, is definitely, one of the emotional affair signs. Now you are most certainly opening a dangerous door of desire that is hard to shut again.

10. You like talking to this person for hours and wish that you didn’t have to return home to your mate.

You talk to them about everything under the sun. You have also shared every detail about yourself with this person since you know they won’t judge you. That’s the level of trust you put in this person. Talking to your partner about such small little things that make you happy or interest you, doesn’t seem appealing anymore.

11. Concentrating on something is impossible if this person is around.

It is normal for everyone to behave this way when attracted to someone. When you’re allured, your mind finds it very difficult to not wander. Everything else becomes unimportant when compared to this person and their presence. When it is just the two of you, you hate it if there are interruptions, especially from your S.O. Isn’t it guilt that is making you feel like that? Give it a thought.

12. You even show off for the “other person.”

woman smiling_New_Love_Times

Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License

You tend to smile a little more radiantly. Your voice seems musical and your tone bouncy! More inviting. If you have found yourself doing this around anyone other than your partner, you are definitely having an emotional affair! It’s time to be really careful now and think about everything rationally before doing something stupid that you might regret for the rest of your life.

13. You tend to spend as much time as possible away from your partner.

Your late nights at work are building up though the work’s not urgent. Long eats with this person have become a routine. You think that you can increase the time that you get to spend with the other person by cutting down on the hours you “need to” devote to your partner. Now what’s all this time spent with them really about?

14. You feel that this other person just “gets” you.

So the two of you have a lot in common; you enjoy doing similar things or you both are going through the same struggles at home or at work or life in general. That might have drawn you closer to them. That’s why you feel that the connection is impeccable. You tend to have way more fun with them than you could ever have with your partner. You like being with this person, or to put it more brutally, you prefer it!

15. You keenly wait for your next meeting!

couple on a date_New_Love_Times

Image source: Shutterstock

Your mind does not seem to function when there is an uncertainty about the next time you are going to see your “friend.” These wandering thoughts are the biggest red flags of emotional infidelity. You also get into fights with your partner, because you, of course, hate the fact that you need to be with them and not with the person you want to, while your S.O. has no clue why you are having these mood swings!

Suggested read: 14 facts about infidelity that will totally surprise you

16. You catch yourself constantly telling people that you and this person are “just friends”!

A daunting sign, this one! If your friends/colleagues have started noticing the fact that there is something going on between you and this other person, the moment is not too far when the news will reach your S.O.’s ears too. We suggest you talk to your S.O. about it directly, because that’s way better than them getting to know about all this from others.

If you have noticed all of these or any of these in your relationship with a person other than your partner, you need to draw healthy boundaries immediately. An emotional affair is worse than a physical one because you stop caring about your partner, stop loving them, and replace them with someone new; that’s the worst that can happen in a relationship.

Featured image source: Flickr

Article Name
16 Signs Of An Emotional Affair You Need To Be Aware Of
Do you have a sweet spot for a special 'friend' who isn't your partner? Are you guilty of indulging in a few or all of these signs of an emotional affair?
Riya Roy

Riya Roy

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.” This Isaac Asimov line, embraces my love for writing in the finest and most desperate way that it is and should be! I was tormented by the earnestness of the written word not very early in my journey. But once smitten, it has helped me devour life twice over; savoring the moment and indulging in its memories. As a flâneuse, I wander to understand the intricacies of human relationships. Realizing that, they are just different manifestations of the same feeling of love, has been my greatest learning. I seek to share its opulence through the words I type.