Very few relationships stand the true test of time, while many others fall apart, though they start out seemingly well. However, somewhere along the way, the couple starts to grow apart and drift away from each other. Sometimes, this has nothing to do with love, because you may love your partner, but not see a future with them. You’re not alone in feeling this way. Being in such a relationship can be extremely stressful, because you know you love your partner, but don’t know how to tell them, or yourself, that there simply isn’t a future with them.
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When you first fell in love, it seems like nothing and nobody can separate you two. The world seems like a better place, and you see redolent flowers in bloom, the beautiful blue sky, and couples in love everywhere you look. The infatuation is complete, and makes you feel invincible, as if you can take on the world and come out on top on the other side. In a word, the world around you and your life seems – perfect! This is the coveted honeymoon phase.
Then comes the period where the initial excitement wanes, and the couple needs to put in conscious effort to make each other happy. That’s the one and only way to keep the relationship alive and working for years to come. However, the reality is that not many people are willing to put in the effort to make things work. They just leave the relationship be, sinking into the comfort and complacency of leading their own lives.
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But this, in no way, means that the two people in the relationship don’t love or care for each other. They do, but it’s just that they have started growing apart in a relationship, without even realizing it. And one day one of them wakes up and realizes that they’ve merely become near-strangers in their own relationship, because they’ve drifted apart.
REAL reasons why you’ve been growing apart in a relationship
So your partner takes their own sweet time replying to your calls or texts, if at all. So your idea of spending time with each other has more awkward and oppressing silence than any actual communication. So you’ve gotten bored with your relationship and are imagining your future which doesn’t involve your partner. If you’ve nodded your head to these instances, then you’ve probably grown apart from your partner.
Check out these 8 REAL reasons for growing apart in a relationship that you may or may not choose to rectify, based on where you are emotionally and mentally.
1. Ego clashes.
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Does your ego make you not give in when you know you’re in the wrong, but you just can’t take it when your partner points it out? Whether it’s a fight or an argument or a simple discussion, if your ego becomes the interested third party, then it has become bigger than your relationship.
How often have you made the effort to make it up to your partner, rather than give them the sullen silent treatment? Have you ever avoided them because you wanted them to make amends because it was ‘clearly their fault’? This is where you need to understand that you’ve allowed your swollen ego to come between you two, and that that is making you drift apart from each other. Arguments, fights, discussions, debates – are all essential for a healthy relationship; but only when they’re used the right way.
2. No initiative.
Any relationship is sustained and made successful because both partners actively put in efforts to make it so, to please each other, to make each other happy. However, when you or your partner just doesn’t bother with it, you have started to take your partner for granted. That’s when the relationship starts to stagnate.
Going on vacations, having dedicated date nights, laughing with each other, pulling each other’s leg, are all some of the ways in which you can try and keep the relationship on its toes. It’s one of the easiest ways of making memories that you could cherish through the years. Taking initiative shows how much you care and love your partner, and a decided lack of it, shows that you’ve grown complacent, if not taken your partner for granted altogether.
3. No compatibility.
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The feeling of incompatibility can creep up on you over the years or once the honeymoon phase gets over. This could be a sense that you both have nothing in common to bond over, no binding factor that brings you both closer together. If you start to isolate these feelings over every little thing in the relationship, then there’s no end to it. It will only make you feel worse. It might start out as a niggling thought at the back of your head, but could potentially pull you both in opposite directions.
In fact, testing out your compatibility with each other as a couple should be done in the initial period of your relationship, rather than later when you’ve already invested too much energy, time, and emotional effort into it. If you let your incompatibility go, thinking that you could always mold your partner to the image you have in your head, then there’s no bigger fool than you. NEVER get into a relationship thinking you could change your partner into a perfect image you have in your head.
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4. No communication.
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Open, honest communication is one of the biggest aspects that sustains a relationship. If this goes kaput, then you’ve probably grown too complacent in your relationship and haven’t bothered to really talk to your partner. Can you remember the last time you and your partner had an honest conversation, where you both talked and listened to each other intently?
The thing is, over the years, you may have understood and learnt many things about your partner. But this doesn’t get over, because it’s a continuous process through the course of a relationship. Because people change, attitudes change, and your partner probably isn’t the same person you fell in love with all that time ago. When open, honest communication is taken for granted, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship comes to a grinding halt, because you both have grown apart from each other.
5. No intimacy.
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Intimacy doesn’t always equate to physical intimacy, but emotional too. Have you connected emotionally with your partner? Do you share any news – good or bad – with your partner first? Do they even cross your mind? These things may seem too trivial to even bother with, but these are what hold a relationship together.
Sex is an integral part of any healthy, functional relationship. If there’s not enough sex, or either of you is not trying hard to keep the excitement up in the bedroom, then it’s only natural to get bored with your relationship. Along with sexual intimacy, simple touches, caresses, holding hands, hugs, kisses, all matter in the long run. If you’re even hesitant, or take these small intimacies for granted, then your relationship is doomed.
6. Emotional infidelity.
One of the first casualties of a relationship where you both have grown apart is emotional infidelity. Without conscious effort, you start to spend a lot of time at work, with that colleague who you think is a looker, who just seems to ‘get you and what you’re going through.’ You may not even realize it that you’ve confided your problems, your issues, your feelings, your emotions in them, more than even your partner.
Your ‘special’ relationship with this colleague may be straddling that thin line between friendship and emotional infidelity. And one day, without meaning to, you will have crossed that line, and not have a way to come back from it. Sometimes, an emotional affair is just a prelude to a physical affair. Any kind of affair will spell the doom of your relationship as surely as the sun sets in the west.
7. Suppressing your emotions.
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When was the last time you expressed to your partner how you actually feel? When was the last time you told your partner how their constant disparaging attitude makes you feel? When was the last time you told your partner what you need from the relationship? When was the last time you expressed how you feel about your partner’s ideas and thoughts abot you, without gritting your teeth, or rolling your eyes?
One of the main reasons why a couple grows apart in a relationship isn’t because they don’t love or care for each other anymore, but because they don’t honestly express what they truly feel. They suppress their emotions, or one of them feels like they’re actually communicating, while the other feels as if their partner could never understand how they operate and what they feel. How is a relationship expected to work when emotions and feelings are suppressed, and you’re both going through the motions?
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8. No time for each other.
There’s no doubt that everyone works hard at their job. Everybody has their own set of work-related issues and problems. But if you don’t even have an hour or two to spend with your partner, then what’s the point of being in a relationship with them? Although you’re staying under the same roof, you live as roommates, leading your own individual lives. One day, there will come a point where you don’t need each other for anything. There’s nothing to it but you both growing apart in a relationship.
These are all the real reasons why you might be growing apart in a relationship with your partner. Once you realize these, you have a choice to make – stay and fight for your relationship, or walk away and move on.
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