With the state of relationships being what it is, it’s no wonder you’re worried you might be in a relationship with a cheater. Just imagining your partner with someone else gives you heartburn! This is a legitimate fear that so many people harbor. But, how to find out if you’re actually dating a cheater?
One of the worst parts of being in a relationship with a lying cheater is that they’ve become so adept at keeping their secret under wraps, that by the time you become aware of it, it’s been going on for a while now. If you’ve ever been cheated on, then you’re probably aware of all the telltale signs to look out for. But those who have never been cheated on, may be completely clueless as to the signs they need to keep an eye out for.
Suggested read: 8 crucial questions to ask yourself before considering taking back a cheater
So for those of you who have never had the misfortune to deal with a cheater, keep your eyes peeled for these signs you may be dating a cheater. [Disclaimer: It’s not pretty, by any stretch of the imagination, if you’ve found a few to several of these signs exhibited by your partner. We feel for you, buddy.]
1. Catching your partner in a blatant lie
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You catch your partner in a seemingly unnecessary lie. Say, you ask your partner why they quashed your dinner plans, and they said they had a really important meeting that they just couldn’t miss. That they’d make it up to you. However, when you go online, one of their buddies has tagged a photo of your partner at a pub. It’s not like you restrict their after-work unwind sessions with their colleagues or friends. So why the lie, you wonder?
This is most probably because your partner doesn’t want you to know where they are or are planning to go, to avoid the possibility of you showing up there, when their other ‘partner’ is with them. Not just this, but any suspicious and/or unnecessary lies should raise your hackles to impending danger.
2. Being too distracted lately
There are several legitimate reasons for someone to be distracted, ranging from work pressure to family issues to just feeling like it’s all a bit much. However, if your partner seems distracted even when everything seems to be going smoothly, it makes you wonder for the reason for this distraction, no?
Some cheaters, however expert they might be in hiding their wrongdoing, do have to battle their conscience once in a while. Or they may just be too confused about what they’re doing, and wondering what’s right anymore. Add in the guilt of cheating, plus a healthy dose of waffling over whether or not to choose one between the two, and you have the perfect recipe for your partner to be distracted. And when you bring it up or try to address what’s been bothering them, they may dodge it or say that they’d be working it out by themselves. It’s a strong sign that your partner may be cheating on you.
3. Drastic changes in the way they dress
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All of a sudden your partner is more than conscious of the fact whether their tie matches their shirt, or their sandals match their dress. Or they’re suddenly doing a one-eighty by dressing the exact opposite of how they used to dress before now. Then this should give you pause as to what might be the reason behind this sudden change.
This might be because your partner might be paying attention to what this other person in their life prefers and likes, rather than yours. So if your partner suddenly changes the way they dress, or put on makeup when they didn’t before, or match their shoes with their suit, then it’s definite cause for concern for this out of ordinary behavior.
Suggested read: I was turned into a cheater without my consent
4. Spending more
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If your partner’s expenses seem to have skyrocketed all of a sudden, then this might be a sign that they’re spending more trying to maintain two relationships at once. This is especially true if this other person has expensive tastes and likes. You might even have come across your partner trying to figure out the added expenses or worrying about money and how they’re unable to save more.
To check if your suspicions are right, you might have to rummage through their things or even dig through the trash for receipts or bills. Granted that this a blatant breach of their privacy, but if your suspicions aren’t letting you have peace of mind, then at least you need to take this drastic step. This exercise may show you that they’re spending way more than what they ought to, on things that you have no idea about.
5. Having friends who cheat/lie to their own partners
It’s not for nothing that the saying goes, ‘Tell me who your friends are and I tell you who you are.’ If your partner seems to hang out with friends who lie or cheat, or do both to their respective partners, then there’s a higher probability that it would have rubbed off on your partner. Constant exposure to something – good or bad – makes you immune to it, in the long run. The same goes for cheating too. If your partner’s friend(s) are the cheating sort, then your partner might have picked up tricks on how to hide the whole thing from you.
You can’t really make your partner choose or ditch their friends, despite having misgivings about them. However, if your partner brushes off your concerns and/or continues to hang out with their cheating friends, chances are they’re using each other as alibis for when they go out with their respective ‘other person’ in their life.
6. Being too secretive about their gadgets
Having a passcode to their phone or iPad or even their office computer is commonplace. However, if they’re being too touchy about you handling any of their gadgets, even if it’s just to hand it to them, then it’s definitely suspicious. Other things that they could do is shutting and/or changing the browsing window as you come into the room, or them keeping their gadgets hidden from view altogether.
Also, if your partner indulges in texting way more than they used to, even when you’re right beside them, then who are they texting? Makes you wonder, eh? They might be texting their friend from work, ‘Jack,’ or even ‘Lisa.’ But you would do well to check for these names in your partner’s friends’ list on their social media accounts.
7. Being nervous when they get calls or texts
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Has your partner recently been acting squirrely when they get a call or a text? Do they go out of the room you’re in to answer these calls? When you ask them about the call/text, do you get a straight answer from them? If it’s someone you know or have met before from their work, there’s no harm in replying to these in front of you, is there? So why bother to go out of earshot of you and then answer the calls? It might because this caller is not their friend or a colleague or boss. It might most likely be the other person in their life.
Suggested read: 16 clever ways to catch a cheater
8. Having cheated on their ex with you
If you were the ‘other man/woman’ in your partner’s life not so long ago, then you have legitimate concerns about history repeating itself. Also, be very wary about the fact that once a cheater, always a cheater. As much as you’d like to console yourself saying that you were the exception, and not the rule, it might not be true at all. If you know that your partner is capable of cheating once, what’s to say they won’t cheat again, this time, on you, with someone else. That nagging feeling of what your significant other did not so long ago will be stuck in your head.
It’s human nature to think that nothing bad will happen to me, that it only happens to others. No matter how optimistic you are that your partner will never cheat on you, despite them having done that to their ex, with you, it’s wishful thinking in the end. This is a hard pill to swallow, but it is what it is, and there’s nothing neither you nor anyone else can do about it. If your partner is going to cheat on you, they are going to do it, no matter what.
Cheating, infidelity, being unfaithful – whatever you want to call it, is ugly business. It’s one of the worst things that can happen to a person, and one of the worst things to do to a person. But by keeping these signs that you might be dating a cheater, you need to be on your guard and protect your heart from serious heartbreak.
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