A marriage is a union of two souls, and an arranged marriage is a union of two families. Help me understand something here. In every family get together I have attended, there hasn’t been a moment on uneventfulness. When all the members of one family can’t get along, who sanctioned bringing another family into this mess? And if that was not enough, the responsibility of being neutral falls on the shoulders of two people who are clearly biased in favor of their own family. Well, welcome to the concept of arranged marriage!
Too much information!
Yes, it is somewhat romantic to get to know each other while living under the same roof. But trust takes time, especially if his aunt lets it easily slip that he has brought other girls home, not long before your marriage. The mother-in-law tells you while you are sipping tea that all the other girls they contacted before you had long hair (like her) because her son likes it, while you realize that you have a stylish bob!
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These may seem like small things but in the initial stages of marriage, every small piece of information is like a part of a big puzzle, which, in fact, is your relationship. The relationship is new, and whatever information both the parties get at this point in time becomes the basis of its success.
Family treatment!
After marriage, it becomes the responsibility of the family of the boy to make the girl feel welcome and comfortable in their home. The parents of the groom need to accept the girl as a member of their own family, and regard all further matters without bias towards their son (seems like Utopia!). When a girl realizes that she is being treated fairly by her in-laws, it becomes easier for her to trust her husband, and work towards keeping the relationship healthy.
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The way members of the family treat each other also says a lot. If the men of the family are respectable towards the women, it becomes easier for the new bride to accept her position. On the other hand, if the mum-in-law is ridiculed for every breath she takes by her husband, the new bride will always live in the fear of the same fate at her husband’s hands too. After all, the apple never falls far from the tree! We have always judged the parents on the behavior of their kids, because they are the ones responsible for their upbringing. The way a family behaves is an insight into the nature of each of its member’s personality.
Trust:
How do we really decide if we are going to trust someone? It’s by how the other person behaves. If someone is always there for you, cares about your opinions, and most importantly doesn’t share your secrets with all and sundry, someone you can depend upon when you feel vulnerable, that is the person who earns your trust. But in a family setting, another factor is added. For example, you trust your father, not just because he is always beside you, but also because he takes care of your mother, his parents, and your siblings. In any kind of relationship, the parameters of trustworthiness never change.
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Between a husband and a wife situation, if either of them have any problems they must be able to talk to each other’s family for guidance and support without being subjected to the blame game. If the mother or father-in law can give correct advice regardless of who is at fault, it offers more stability to the relationship.
How to Build Trust?
# Give due time to everyone, individually. If a couple is living in a joint family setup, the husband and wife can go on a double date with their parents.
# If you live separately, make sure that you are in constant communication. Parents usually call their daughter and sons, but it would be a good idea if rather than calling their own ward, they call the other, i.e., parents of the wife make a call to their son-in-law, and vice versa.
# Keep matters in the family. If something about the daughter-in-law is bothering you, it is better to talk directly to her rather than calling up your sister or a friend or any person other than family.
# Quit the drama. Keep everything simple.
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