The beginning of every relationship is so exciting. You can’t wait to see each other and can’t keep your hands off each other either. But as the relationship grows, things may change for either the good or the bad. If you’ve managed to keep it going good, then that’s great. But if things have gone awry, then you have to end it. It could be for plenty of reasons – your significant other is moving away, you like someone else, one of you cheated on the other, you’ve fallen out of love with each other, you’ve both changed too much, there’s abuse, or the usual, it simply isn’t working out.
But breaking up with someone isn’t easy. Whether you still love the person or not, it is going to be difficult. And, no matter how gently you do this, it is going to be painful. But many people tend to be condescending, blunt, and even downright rude while breaking things off. To be fair, it is a very difficult task. You’re probably heartbroken yourself if you have to breakup with someone that you love. You’re confused and not sure what to do. You have too many mixed feelings and emotions. But there is a certain manner in which a breakup should happen, so that neither of you feels the brunt of the decision alone or come away with a sense of guilt.
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Here is a complete guide on how to breakup with someone you love.
Have the reasons ready
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If you’re going ahead with the breakup, then you have got to have your reasons clear in your head. Unless you’re absolutely sure about this, do not go ahead with it. Once you’ve made up your mind, then go ahead and line up the reasons that you want to give your partner. You need to make it a smooth conversation, so that they don’t take it too hard or see it as an unexpected blow that hit them from the left field. Stick to solid and valid points that make sense.
Don’t avoid them
This is another common mistake that people end up making. They avoid their partners and start maintaining a distance with every silly reason they could possibly come up with. If you are not sure about it, tell them that you have something that you need to talk about and that you need time to yourself to think about it. Your partner has a right to know what is going on in your head, so go out there and tell them the truth. If not, at least come up with better excuses than ‘I’m sleeping.’ If not, just meet them and pretend everything is all right till you make up your mind on your course of action.
Don’t delay it
Once you’ve made up your mind, act on it. Let them know that you want to meet them or talk to them about something important. You’re going to want to delay it as much as possible, because it’s a difficult thing to do and because you have to probably hurt the other person in the process. But the sooner they know, the better it will be for the both of you. If you delay it, you might end up over-thinking about it which will do nothing more than leave you confused more than ever. So, just go ahead and meet them. And, do not do this over the phone or worse, send them a text, for crying out loud.
Talk it out
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When you’re finally going to have the dreaded conversation, talk it out with them. Let them relax and then take your time and go step by step. Maybe you start with when you first got together and how you fell for each other and then move on to tell them when you think that things started going wrong between the two of you. Be gentle and considerate, and try not to react harshly or get defensive if your partner isn’t taking it well. Don’t use phrases like ‘if only you would’ or ‘but’ and ‘maybe’. That will just leave a door open for them to try and fight for the survival of the relationship. You don’t want them to start pleading because it will only break your heart even more.
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Keep it positive
A relationship is a two-way street, so accept that both of you were involved in its death. However, while accepting this fact is well and good, don’t throw accusations at your partner, or make them feel bad about the situation. If you think they won’t take it well, leave this part out of your conversation. Instead, keep your tone as positive as possible. There are certain things that you personally don’t like about them, but don’t bring that up when you’re breaking up with them. Instead, take responsibility for your own likes and dislikes or say something like ‘we both played a role in this.’ That way, you keep the blame game away and focus on the things that are not working for you. If your partner is moving away, then long distance relationship disadvantages are your best bet to keep the breakup on track.
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Again, be direct and honest with them but not unnecessarily harsh. If you like someone else and your partner doesn’t know anything about it, just say something along the lines of, ‘I do love you, but the chemistry between us seems to have faded away. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but I had started to look for something or someone that brings about that spark in me.’ Incompatibility of any kind needs to be brought up here. But not at the cost of making your soon-to-be ex miserable. Remember to keep your tone firm yet gentle while letting them down.
Now, this is a very tricky situation because it depends on your individual relationship with your partner to see if you can still be friends after the breakup. If you think that your partner won’t be able to move on if you continue to stay in touch, then cut-off the option. You can always get in touch in the distant future and see if things can be normal again. But if you’ve been friends before and the both of you are clear about never getting back together again, then maybe you can try to remain friends. It’s a very personal and tricky decision, but you’ll have to make it.
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After you’ve decided to end it and stay friends (or not), you also have to figure out how you will explain things to your family and friends, if they were involved and aware of your relationship, that is. If you’ve decided to remain in touch, then maintain a few ground rules for both of you, so that moving on doesn’t become an issue. Now, all that is left is to say is goodbye. You might have broken up with them, but how do you just walk away after it is over? What if they’re crying? Do you hug them, or kiss them or have sex for one last time, for old times’ sake?
Now, this is again a very personal decision to make, but I’d suggest that you don’t get physically involved with each other, because it will only confuse your emotions even more. But what you can do is, give them a warm hug and maybe even a last kiss so that you both can understand the finality of the situation and let go.
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There is not much that you can do after this point, except to walk away. It’s a terrible feeling, but it needs to be done. Now, you have to focus on a new chapter of your life and let them deal with theirs. You will obviously miss them, want to be with them, and maybe even feel guilty about having done this, but you have to stop. You did it for a reason, so let it go.
Take stock of your emotions and feelings, and deal with the breakup like the mature adult that you are. And remember, no matter who breaks it off, there’s always going to be pain and grief and the related issues to deal with before you’re ready to let go and move on with your life. So take your time and grieve the death of a significant part of your life. That’s the healthy thing to do.
Well, now that you know the steps of how to breakup with someone, go on and do it if that’s what makes you happy. At least, you did it peacefully.