Love is farting in front of your boyfriend. Or is it? 😛
Let’s not act as though this very natural bodily function is disgusting and make the lesser couples feel BAD about not being comfortable with it. They can’t help but let it rip when it… asks to. Haha. No, really.
So how do you get away with farting?
Step 1: Acknowledging the rear hole.
(No, I am not).
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1. Defense is the best offence.
Say it is normal. It’s your right. Tell him that he’s a big, stinking monster for stifling your BASIC. HUMAN. RIGHTS.
WHO DOES THAT, RIGHT?!
2. Denial, Denial.
Deny it completely. Say that you don’t even HAVE a hole in your bum to start with. What does he know? (Or does he?)
Tell him it’s unholy for him to even THINK that you would have farted. HAW!
3. Play the blame game
“I didn’t do it!”
Blame your dog. Or your cat. Or a plant.
Blame him if nothing works. And walk out with indignation when he denies it.
4. Be an ostrich.
Tell him it’s a fun game to play and get him to bury his head in the covers along with you after you fart. This way, he won’t know what hit him (Hehehe).
5. Tell him you are a feminist.
Tell him it is your right as a woman to fart. If he can do it, so can you. HAIL EQUALITY!
Suggested read: A couple who farts together, stays together, says study!
6. Start talking about having babies.
This will distract him from the fart and take him to another tangent. Ask him if he will be okay with having 4 babies. And what he would like their names to be.
7. Burst into tears.
Talk about something that he did 4 months ago and how bad it made you feel. That should take the attention off the fart, yeah?
8. Pretend you are dying.
Pretend you are choking to death on nothing but air (it can happen ok!) to distract him from the stinky poo-ness.
9. Inhale all the farty air.
Quickly! Before it reaches your boyfriend’s nostrils. Doing so guarantees he NEVER finds out WHAT just happened. YAY!
10. Run away. And never ever return.
Fart and run far, far away. It is the only option left, really, if nothing else works.
Don’t worry, if all fails, tell him you’ll smell his fart next time to make things even. 😉
Yeah, so what! We are ‘poople’ too!
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