From lifting the toilet seat once he is done with his business to actually flushing, (which means making sure there’s nothing waiting for me when I enter, rather than just sprinkling some aspergillum on it, Mr. Pope) here’s a list of 17 things my boyfriend (and I am sure you are on the same boat!) does that make me want to manscape him when he’s sleeping, erm snoring (just one of the annoying things) *rolling eyes*
1. Yeah, so he is glued to his phone when I am talking to him and when I just finish delivering the punchline, he is like, “yeah, what?”
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Sometimes I imagine if he would look at me more (not exactly pay attention but psychologically make me feel heard!) if I cello taped his phone on my forehead!
Why am I hitting the roof?! Well, he takes up the ENTIRE space, dammit! But more importantly, I can’t indulge in the same decadence!
3. Farting like he has no f*cks to give and then keeping at the conversation like that thing never happened!
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“Wait, what was that?”
“Have you started hallucinating again or are you PMS-ing?! LOLOLOLOLOL!”
4. Give imprudent, not-at-all-convincing lectures on why watching porn is not only healthy but makes one more productive in life!
Well, for the second bit, I have an example right in front of me!
5. Sleeping until like eternity coz of which I need to crawl over him almost every day (read: every fricking day!) to get things done!
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And when he does wake up, I have already finished doing the dishes, cleared my deadlines, cashed his tax return, and saved the world from Donald Trump!
6. Not being able to do a single task if it isn’t paid for!
Reference: His idea of cleaning the baby after she poops is to spray her bum with some Axe!!
7. Forcing me to become, not just friends, but best friends with his besties’ wives!
Because having generic dumb conversations is not an issue since that is what women essentially do!!!
8. Ruffling my hair!
Basically, destroying it immediately after I set it! 4 hours down the drain!
And if I even think of pointing a finger at his spikes, God be merciful!
Suggested read: Stupid arguments all cheaters use and how we’d really like to respond
9. Only getting down and dirty during foreplay and that too infrequently!
How about an a la carte head?! Why the heck is it not on the menu?!
10. Making that face when I am educating him about menstruation!
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Yuck all that blood! And why in God’s name should we get excited when you want to blow that whistle of yours on us?!!! Ew!
11. Blabbering endlessly about that crazy b*tch of an ex and assuring me about how ‘normal’ I am!
- No one’s flattered by the adjective, “normal”!
- Calling your ex that, is not a good thing to do! C’mon even that sl*t has some sentiments! 😉 😉
12. That shaved hair in my sink!
I wake up in the morning to find, what looks like an ant invasion on the bowl! Not sexy at all!
13. When he points at something on my plate and asks if I am going to eat that, and before I can even answer, pilfering it off my plate!
Moron, I was saving the best for the end!!!
14. Leaving some of his inner with my pile, thinking that I won’t notice that, and just wash the whole mound!
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Well, I am not complaining about that. But why does he crib when I wear some of his boxers? I bloody washed them!!!!
15. Making me go to his family events and then just vanish, like poof!
Do I even have to mention how it feels when your would-be could-be in-laws, unaware of who the f*ck you are, stare as if you gatecrashed for some good food and utterly disgusting music!
16. Telling me I am overreacting, when I am not! I am not. Okay?!
I am not, dammit!
17. Being so adorable when I am home from work that I just have to condone points 1 to 16!!!
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And that’s what he takes advantage of!
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