Don’t you detest those newly married couples who are excessively lovey-dovey? Or even the ones who have been married for long, but can’t seem to keep their hands to each other? The ones who have to, I mean, really have to show the world that they are now married and are so in love that they either can’t keep their hands off each other, or make people around really sick with their behavior. While most of them aren’t aware that them being “cute” with each other is simply making us gag! Or the ones who are constantly calling each other “hubby” and “wifey” and God knows what other monstrosity of a nick name (I mean WTF!)! Shudder!
Well, welcome to the gang! The gang of the other unmarried folks who are constantly put off by annoying things married couples do. For instance, I had a few friends over for a movie night the other day, and the couple in question was on each other’s lap throughout the movie. And getting pretty handsy with each other too. I mean, I do have a six-seater sofa at my apartment. So I couldn’t figure out why they wouldn’t get off each other? By the end of the night, I was not just put off, but I felt like I was watching live softcore erotica! *Rolls eyes*
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The thing is, while a certain amount of affection is tolerable, sometimes these couples tend to overdo and over play the whole affection part and take it to an all new level, that makes most of us really tired of all the fussing and coochie cooing! We get it, you’re married (good for you!) and probably very much in love. But guys, please stop making us sick with the extra unnecessary mush. We aren’t interested. If we really liked all the mush, we’d watch any of Jennifer Aniston’s movies. So, please stop.
Sometimes, we look at them and feel like we must never get married, right? If you’re one of those people who tends to get a little worked up, grossed out, or feel the need to roll your eyes, and mutter ‘tsk’ under your breath, let us tell you, you are NOT alone. There are a bunch of us just like you, and yes, these married couples could really get under our skin at times.
Annoying someone is one thing, but then again, there are varying degrees of annoyance when it comes to things married couples do. Some things are tolerable and can be ignored, you just have to look away and dismiss it. But here are the 10 most annoying things married couples do that could drive us insane.
1. PDA almost bordering an adult movie in the making
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Oh, well. Some couples don’t realize that their clingy, handsy nature does not make us go “Awww” at all. However, it does make us say “Ewww,” mostly in our minds. So, when they’re in public places, the kissing, the touching, and the intimate hugging can sometimes make most of us feel like we’re watching an erotica unfold in front of our eyes! We’re sure you’ve seen some of those couples at malls, restaurants (the ones who sit beside each other, almost on the other person’s lap at a four-seater table!), or the ones literally making out in a cinema hall. I mean, get a room! Didn’t you already have a honeymoon to get over each other? It’s cute when you hold hands in the start, but after a point, it does get a tad bit flustering for the unmarried folk to put up with all your PDA.
2. Feeding each other
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The second gross thing that married couples indulge in feeding food to each other, like they’re toddlers! I mean, what’s up with that? Don’t get us wrong, but you aren’t differently abled, you have a perfectly functioning pair of limbs, so use them for yourself. What’s with all that spoon feeding? It definitely ain’t cute, unless you’re a toddler. Isn’t it downright yucky to see two adults feed each other food that could have been eaten without all the fuss and mush around? For God’s sake, people! Eat your damn food yourselves!
3. Calling themselves Mr & Mrs
Ah, the new form of address may seem fancy when you’re filling out an application form. You just went from Ms to Mrs (Oh, how exciting!), but constantly referring to each other as Mr & Mrs can get a little bit annoying for other people to hear. Apart from when you’re checking into a hotel, no one really wants to hear you call yourself that. So, get over it!
4. The infinite selfies on social media
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Do we really have to get into this? From your pre-wedding shoot to your wedding, we’re tired of seeing all those “candid” photographs (where we know you were made to pose and you can’t really call them “candid,” but whatever!), selfies, and hashtags. Get a grip. If you like clicking so many snaps, please do, but stop posting them all over Facebook and Instagram for everyone to see. Yes, we’re happy for you, but seeing only your snaps on our newsfeed can get a little boring for most of us.
5. Celebrating month-on-month anniversaries
The real meaning of an anniversary is “the date on which an event took place in a previous year.” So, yeah, there is no such thing as a “month anniversary” or a “monthaversary” (is that even a word?!). It’s an oxymoron, and you’re a bigger moron if you’re celebrating such events. Besides, we don’t really care about your relationship milestones. Good for you, because you survived 3 full months of being in a relationship, but stop cutting cakes for such events. Look, we’re not going to mean the ‘congratulations’ when we comment and wish you on Facebook. All we’re saying under our breath is – STOP IT! Enough is enough. Grow up!
6. Pictures of your honeymoon
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Pictures of your honeymoon suite, ducks made of bath towels, and rose petals all over your white sheets, is not something we want to see. Good that you’re enjoying your honeymoon, but you can do that without the whole world witnessing it? Do you know how? It’s called, “stop posting honeymoon pictures”! Well, you picked an exotic location to celebrate your honeymoon, but trust us, we don’t want to know anything more than that. So, stop feeding us all that unnecessary snaps from your honeymoon.
7. Cracking inside jokes
Have you ever sat with a group of friends and then a married couple says something strange that only their spouse ‘gets’ and has a hearty laugh while the rest of you simply look on, waiting for them to share that joke? But guess what? They turn around and say, it’s an ‘inside joke.’ Well, you losers, there’s a very good reason why it’s called “inside”. Because you must never crack it outside! Phew, these guys are the worst!
8. Those bedroom pet names
Dear Lord! As if sugar, honey, pumpkin, and pudding weren’t terrible and horrifying enough, there are people who call their spouses with the most disturbing bedroom pet names in public. Realize that your bedroom details should be strictly restricted to those four walls of your room, anything that travels outside that is embarrassing, and not ‘sweet’. It sure calls for being one of the most annoying things married couples do.
9. Talk about kids
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Remember that one married friend who has to bring up their kid’s tales in every conversation you have with them? Look, it’s not like we don’t like kids, because we do. Honestly. But sometimes we deserve a break and we don’t need to know all the details like the color and consistency of their poop, or the fact that they haven’t pooped in over day, or if it’s older kids they have, then their conviction in trying to persuade everyone else what a prodigy their kid is. Come on, how much can you listen to someone who is constantly talking about their kid? It does get old.
Suggested read: How to be flirty while being classy and graceful
10. Depending on your spouse for everything
Whether it’s making a movie plan, or even a little purchase for yourself. There are people who wouldn’t move a stick without consulting their partners. That’s a little extreme; marriage isn’t bonded labor, and you must know that you have a life of your own. If you don’t, then get one already! Depending on your partner or seeking their approval at all times is a little annoying for the rest of us to bear with. Your partner cannot control you like that; if they do, you have serious trouble awaiting you later on.
When married couples flaunt all their ‘love’ in public, they make it rather suffocating for people around them. Sometimes they don’t realize what they’re doing, and sometimes you know they are doing it on purpose! It may seem adorable at first, but when these couples go overboard with all that cuteness, it does get puke-inducing for the rest of us. So if you’re married and want to show your poohbear how much they mean to you, we suggest you do it in the privacy of your home!
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