There are many times in life when you feel like a failure, a loser. You think you’re worthless, and that you don’t deserve to be loved. You start to even hate yourself. In fact, this self-loathing could lead you to question if you’re even worthy of love and happiness.
If such thoughts are circling your head, STOP right there! Just because you failed at something or your life isn’t going the way you’d planned, doesn’t mean your life sucks or you need to start hating yourself. Understanding how to love yourself and being kind and patient and gentle with yourself can help you cope with failure and build your shattered self-confidence, piece by piece. This, then, will let you enjoy a better life, a life that you can’t get enough of.
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There may be a plethora of reasons why you don’t love yourself; I believe this differs from person to person, as complex as they themselves are. However, whatever your reason for not loving yourself, if you understand how to love yourself, it will give you the power to change your life forever.
Suggested read: 23 simple ways to love yourself every single day
But how to love yourself?
If you’re looking for others to love you, you need to first learn to love and respect yourself for who and what you are. Learn to identify your strengths and weaknesses as honestly as possible. These will give you the courage to change what you don’t like about yourself, and work on converting what you consider your weaknesses into strengths.
Here’s what you need to keep in mind:
1. Love who you are – just the way you are
Love and happiness come from within; you need to accept yourself just as you are, and love every bit of yourself from the inside out. Loving yourself means accepting yourself – warts and all. From your crooked teeth to your muffin top to your slightly ridged toenails – love every part of yourself. These are traits that you were born with, and unable to change (unless you go under the knife, which we do NOT recommend at all!). So why not accept them. Once you do, you’ll think that your crooked teeth make you look adorable, your muffin top is you claiming ‘extra’ space from the universe, and your ridged toenails won’t make a difference to your appearance!
2. Respect yourself
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Instead of just focusing all your attention on things you don’t like about yourself, focus on what you like about yourself, and what you’re good at. You are, after all, a human being, and are subject to flaws and warts, just like anyone else. Remember, nobody is perfect, as much as some people like to want to appear so. By putting all your focus on your negatives, you’re forgetting to acknowledge all the wonderful things you are and are good at.
3. Workout and be as fit as possible
What do you love about your body? What don’t you love about your body? There are always going to be some parts that you love and a few others that you’re going to hate. Work on things that you can change, and make peace with those that you can’t. Don’t like your muffin top or your thunder thighs? Workout to change it. You have the power to do that (unless you’re suffering from some medical condition, in which case it’s advised that you seek a doctor’s opinion first).
4. Believe in yourself
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Determination is key when it comes to changing how you feel about yourself. Focus on making little positive changes in your life every single day. These small, little changes will add up to make a big difference in the long run. Whether the issue is regarding your work, your health, or even pursuing your personal dreams, start working towards them today, now. When you start to validate yourself and your efforts, you’ll learn to respect and love yourself a lot more.
Suggested read: How to learn to love yourself for who and what you are
5. Appearance and posture matter
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As much as you hate the shallow things of life, like clothes, money, and body image, these make you feel worse, if not outright hate yourself. This hate is overwhelming and overpowering that you don’t even see the good anymore. Do what makes you happy, change what you don’t like about your appearance. Change your wardrobe, invest in clothes that flatter your figure, get a new haircut that suits your face shape, invest in and apply good makeup – all of these will boost your confidence, which in turn will make you love yourself more. As shallow and vain as these might seem, they sure work in the long run.
6. Choose a role model
How would this help you learn to love yourself, you wonder? Well, it doesn’t; not directly at least. When you get a role model, you will focus your energy in becoming like them, or to achieve success like that person you’ve chosen. Looking up to someone gives you a positive outlet to channel your pent up energy and motivation to pursue your dreams. If you understand how they achieved their success and what motivated them to not give up on their dreams, then it’s sure to inspire you to do the same. By following in their footsteps, you will learn to become a better person, and eventually, you will learn to love yourself too. After all, who wouldn’t love an inspired person who is following their dreams, eh?
7. Push yourself to do more, be more
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The more you push yourself to do more, the more you’ll achieve. And the more you achieve, the more you’ll feel good about yourself. By pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone and do things you wouldn’t do otherwise, will make you realize your own potential, what you’re really capable of. You’d be bringing about a positive change in the way you see yourself. Try new things, learn new things, think about different perspectives, work towards making yourself a better version of yourself. For this, you need perseverance and dedication and not giving up on yourself, come what may. You may not realize all of your lofty dreams and ideals, but you’re sure as heck going to feel a whole lot proud of yourself for pushing yourself in new directions.
8. Put yourself out there, meet new people
As much as the self-loathing and hatred you feel towards yourself might bring you down, you’re not alone. Repeat after me – YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Many people might feel the same as you do – alone, resentful, hating oneself, and miserable. You’re not alone because many people are in the same boat as you. You have the power to change this feeling, remember that. Change – in whatever capacity and to whatever extent – begins and ends with you. Meet new people, get to know them, and share your story, if you feel comfortable with them. Put yourself out there and interact with happy people, who share your values and ethos. It’s sure to make you feel better about yourself. And when you see how others enjoy and love you and your company, it’s bound to make you love and respect yourself more too.
9. Be kind to yourself
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Learning to love yourself is a long process. It won’t and can’t happen overnight, as much as you’d like it to. So be patient and kind and gentle with yourself. Don’t be overly critical of yourself by expecting immediate changes and instant results. As they say, patience really is a virtue, and good comes to those who wait. It might take longer than you expected for you to get to a point where you’re your own person and love what you’ve become and achieved in your life, but trust me, you’ll get there. For sure. Let positive thoughts and good things flow towards you from all directions. Be open to change.
Suggested read: 25 inspiring quotes about loving yourself that will make you fall in love with yourself
10. Don’t be a doormat
Most people who hate themselves are guilty of being a pushover, a doormat, a weakling. They don’t stand up for themselves, and let themselves be dominated and controlled by others. Every time you let yourself be pushed over or be treated like a doormat, your confidence takes a hit, making you hate yourself. You see what a vicious cycle this is? It could your friends or parents or even colleagues who might be taking you for granted and dismissing your opinions and ideas (when you do voice them), but it will only make you hate yourself if you don’t stand up for yourself. When you learn to stop taking everything lying down, some people might drop out of your life, and that’s okay. If they didn’t like you and respect you for who you are, you’re better off without them in your life. Spend time with people who are genuine, who uplift you, who make you feel better about yourself, and who allow you to grow into the awesome person that you are.
Remember, the power to make any and all changes rests solely in your hands. Make the change you want to see in yourself. Figuring out how to love yourself might seem too daunting a task, but if you’re determined enough to do so, it’s not that hard. Good luck.
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