All breakups are hard, just that the degree of hurt varies. You might feel desolate, abandoned, adrift, with questions of doubt making you feel like you’re not good enough. Halt right there! Sure it was a bad breakup; it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. It just means you and your partner weren’t in the same place at the same time. That you and your partner wanted different things from your relationship and life in general. That you and your partner, though were close to being perfect together, just weren’t meant to be.
No matter who chose to sever the tie, the breakup has already happened, and is in the past. It’s done and dusted. There’s no point in raking up the past and going through the rabbit hole of ‘what ifs.’ That’s just you torturing yourself. Stop it. Right now!
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What you need to do though, is to start separating yourself from that relationship. Take away the relationship, and what remains? You – a beautiful person who is unique in their own way, and has so much to offer. This is the very first step in loving yourself after a breakup. And now that you’ve taken that first step (which is the hardest), you just need to keep reminding yourself of a few more gems, and you’ll be set.
1. Everyone seeks validation from an external source – be it your parents, siblings, friends, or your partner. However, what you have to realize is that you need to give yourself that same validation first, and then seek it elsewhere – if that’s what you need. Self-validation and accepting yourself as you are are important if you are to love yourself.
2. Nothing, I repeat, nothing in this world is worth destroying yourself over. But, if you do choose to destroy yourself, it needs to be something that you chose and is for yourself. Destroying yourself for people who don’t even care isn’t just worth it.
3. You don’t need to belong to someone or somewhere. You already do, to yourself. You just need to see yourself for the amazing, unique, and beautiful being that you are.
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4. You can put the other person before you, you can turn your back on everyone and everything just to be with them, you can go to the moon and bring back stars – but for some people, it’s just not enough. And it never will be either. Such people don’t deserve to be in your life.
5. One of the best things you need to do to start loving yourself is to stop thinking about the things that have broken you. They are just not worth the effort. Just let it go.
6. The kind of person who deserves your passionate love is the one who fears losing you. A person who hasn’t ever known this fear, just doesn’t appreciate what they hold in their grasp.
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7. You don’t plan and then fall in love with someone; it just happens. Agreed. But you do have the choice to STOP loving them and making yourself miserable. Stop hurting yourself and your bruised heart. Let them go.
8. You might still be pining for them and losing sleep over them. Just ask yourself this – if they truly did care for you, they wouldn’t have hurt you in the first place. If it truly was meant to be, then you both would’ve worked harder and longer to make it work. Since it’s clearly not, stop the hurt and let it go.
9. Loving yourself won’t happen overnight. It takes time and effort and all that is required to have a loving relationship – with yourself. In the end, the effort is worth it, trust me.
10. You need to love nothing more than you love yourself. In fact, nothing and no one deserves your love more than you do – EVER.
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