Love is blind, is a saying that I’m sure everyone is familiar with. It probably started with Shakespeare when he famously wrote and cautioned everyone in love about how we often tend to ignore the faults of the people we love and adore. “But love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit.” And as if that isn’t enough, science tells us that when in love, we are high on chemicals – a high that is similar to the one we get from being on cocaine.
Isn’t that an interesting insight? Just about every one of us has been blinded by love, only to realize later how foolish we were being. I understand that this might not be the case with everyone, of course. But blind love is a fact that has existed in all our lives. Even if you don’t regret it, there are chances that you know what it means. We do turn a blind eye to our partner’s faults because we love them. It’s just one of those ‘love’ things that people do. How you react also depends on the kind of faults your partner has. It is absolutely okay to be blinded by love when those faults are little and maybe even cute, but it is not cool if it involves anything that might end up hurting someone in the process.
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Here are the things that you might end up ignoring and why you shouldn’t ignore them.
1. You’re the only one who compromises
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Compromises are an important part of every relationship. It is complex but necessary. Of course, it is not about who wears the pants anymore. But you should strive to maintain balance in your relationship. Both partners have to make certain sacrifices in the relationship, because that’s how things work. If you’re the only one who always gives in and decides to compromise, then you might want to re-think this one because in the long run, this will only leave you frustrated and feeling resentful towards your partner.
2. They lie too often
Admit it – all of us lie. We have lied to our partners and they have lied to us at some point or the other. Whether you’ve come clean later or not, lying is just part of a human relationship. But if you’ve caught them lying to you many times and for no reason, then you should reconsider things. This is why people lose trust and this is why you need to pay attention now. You don’t want to end up in a situation where the relationship is existent without trust.
3. Screaming matches are too familiar
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Whether you like it or not, it is healthy to argue with your partner. It could be about anything from politics to whose turn it is to change the bed sheets this week. Not fighting at all is also not good because then it means that one of you is holding something in. But to have screaming matches with your partner too often is not a good sign either. There are other ways to resolve a fight. Yelling at each other, week in and week out, at the top of your lungs, is not exactly a relationship goal.
4. You’re the listener in the relationship
No, it is absolutely okay if your partner is the one that loves doing all the talking while you like listening. Not all of us can keep talking. But what if there is something serious or something that you really need to get out of your system? Does your partner listen to you or just throw it away as unimportant because they have something to say to you about what that restaurant they went to? It is okay if it happens once in a while, but it is not cool if this is how it is all the time.
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5. They take too much advice from others
We all go through problems and questions about our relationship. There are times when you can’t decide for yourself, so you might turn to your best friend or your parents or someone else that you trust for advice. While it is fine to take advice and help from on the outside, it is not acceptable to judge your partner or change how your relationship functions based on something your friend said. If your partner is doing this all the time, you need to take a step back and think things through.
6. Grand gifts are all that matter
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Who doesn’t love giving their partner a gift and seeing that smile and surprise on their face? It could be random or for a special occasion; we all indulge in gestures of love. Gifts are great, but not when if that’s the only reason why your partner is with you. They might also buy you gifts but that is only because it becomes like a competition for them. But if it comes down to only how much you spend on them, where exactly is the love? You might love spending on them because you love them, but your partner might be taking advantage of that love. Think about it.
7. Sex – just all the time
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Yes, sex is a very important part of every healthy romantic relationship and you should have as much as you can of it with your partner. But to have only that and not spend any time outside of the bedroom is just not something that constitutes a healthy relationship. You need to understand your chemistry outside matters as much as the chemistry you have between the sheets (unless you are looking just for sex, that is). If your partner avoids going out on dates or meeting your friends, then there is obviously something wrong there. No one wants to have sex all the time, every day of the week.
8. You’re the one who does the missing
People in love obviously miss each other. I’m not talking about the ‘I want to get my hands again on you’ missing feeling, but the kind where you actually want to just see the other person so badly that it physically hurts you to not have them with you at the moment. If you’re the only one who feels that way, then there is definitely a problem. Your partner might not be too vocal about their feelings in general, but if they can’t even tell you that they miss you, then they probably don’t.
9. It has become your job to fix them
Your love is in pain and you obviously want to be there for them through it, as you should be. But we all have our own battles to fight, and you can’t keep fighting your partner’s battles forever. You can’t fix them. You cannot wipe away their problems or get their parents back together. It is not your job to fix their problems. If your partner is expecting you to do that, then you might as well open a consulting services agency, because that is not how a relationship works.
10. The past always overtakes
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We all have a past that we probably don’t want to look at again or think about. So does your partner. But if your partner keeps bringing up something that you are not comfortable with, then you might want to put a stop to it. It is okay to bring up a past fight once, but it is not okay to bring that up over and over again. It is not okay to bring up your ex or theirs or make comparisons with something that happened in the past. Let the past stay where it belongs – in the past.
Suggested read: Because I fell in love with you… and I fell out of it too
Everyone is blinded by love at one point or another. It is only after the wooing phase of the relationship is over that you get to see your partner in reality. That is a make or break point, and it depends on both the partners of how things really go from there on. That does not mean that you’ll breakup with your love because he didn’t give up on football when you wanted to watch a game or she wanted to stay in with you instead of going out on a date. If you see these above signs occurring repeatedly, then and then only should you consider doing something about it.
Talk to your partner and see if they feel the same way or if there is a reason why they behave like that. If you can sort it out, that will be great. If you can’t, it’s still better than feeling this way two years down the line. Whatever it is, just don’t end up ignoring these signs. These are important aspects that you’ll look for in your lover, and if they are consistently falling short, then you might as well let them know that it won’t work. Better late than never, eh?
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