Going to the mall with your girlfriend can be an arduous task. There are hours spent deciding which shade of pink is better. Fuchsia , plum, carnation, hot, rose, baby are all different shades, if you didn’t know already. So while she has gone into the trial room determined to fit into a dress 4 sizes smaller than her own, you are left staring at the huge billboards showcasing pictures of people who are much better looking than you. Before she can come out, your fight or flight reflexes kick in and you are thinking about what to tell her when she comes out of the trial room. It is best to avoid situations like these, and spend time in a much more fruitful manner. Here are a couple of things you can do while your wife/girlfriend is shopping…
1. Pretend the mannequins are your exes
Image source: Tumblr
If you ever thought that your ex was too plastic, this is ultimate opportunity to confirm your convictions. If you notice, you will find that your ex girlfriend is a lot like a mannequin. No personality of her own and she looks terrible with her clothes off. Pretend they are your exes and run away from them.
Suggested read: Inside the mind of a girl who is shopping for sexy lingerie
2. Play hide and seek with the employees
Image source: makeagif
They don’t have to be in on the game. While your girlfriend/wife is shopping, make yourself useful. Provide the poor employees with some entertainment. Jump on them and shout –You are it! Make sure the security guards don’t get you.
3. Pretend to know what each perfume smells like
Image source: Tumblr
You wont be able to buy them because they are too expensive. And this is your chance to behave like a perfume connoisseur. Use phrases like “This has a hint of mahogany, or is it mustard?” Confuse the people selling them and you will have spared them the monotony of working as a perfume seller.
4. Try to climb up on the down elevator
Image source: senorgif
I am pretty sure you have tried doing this at some point in your life. Life is full of challenges which don’t really need to be acknowledged. This is one of them. Channel your inner 12 year old and attempt the impossible.
5. Get boxes of condoms and put them in people’s carts
Image source: imgur
Some people need a little motivation. You might have a lot of time while your girlfriend is choosing which conditioner to use. Use this valuable time to spice up other people’s sex lives. Sneak up to the checkout counter and sneak the pack in. Then, wait for their expression when it is being checked out. Genius!
6. Use the security camera to pick your nose
Image source: Tumblr
Surveillance is pretty pointless for those who are under it. Make sure that your nasal canal is clean by using the security camera as a mirror. You get your job done, while you successfully creep out the pitiful souls who have to go through the security footage.
7. Go to the trial rooms and ask the security guards why there isn’t any toilet paper left
Hygiene is incredibly important, as proved by the point above. If there isn’t any toilet paper left in the trial rooms, make sure you do the right thing and let the authorities know. Don’t worry if they look at you weirdly, it’s a perfectly normal demand.
8. When the announcements come on, run around the floor screaming, “Those voices have started again! Make them stop!”
Image source: Tumblr
Make sure that you bother a couple of harmless shoppers in the process.
9. Make a trail of orange juice, leading to the bathroom
Image source: Giphy
This is ingenious. Just wait for the people to freak out when they think that a maniac with a leaky bladder is hanging around.
10. Move “Caution: Wet floor” signs to carpeted areas
Image source: Tumblr
Anarchy in the mall.
Suggested read: 12 clever ways to take your man shopping with you
11. Hide in the clothing racks and say “Pick me” when someone comes close
Image source: Tumblr
Make sure to do a nasal voice when you do this.
Even if you do all of the above, chances are that your wife/girlfriend will still not have figured out whether she wants the magenta dress or the fuchsia dress. Don’t help her choose because you will inevitably choose the wrong one!
Good luck bros!
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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