Someone once told me that I shouldn’t fall in love because it is messy. It is hard. Oh, they were so wrong. Love isn’t hard, but letting go of someone you love is – it is harder than anything you ever have to do. If you are looking for some relationship advice to mend your broken heart, come let me give you a cyber hug first.
Have you ever fallen in love with someone and known that the person is bad for you in the long run? Oh boy, I did and I spent too many nights planning to let go, but the very next day, I slipped back into the same hole, wore the same love-struck robe, marked my own doom by staying in the relationship. Damn you, poets; letting go of relationships isn’t as easy as your rhymes make it sound.
Suggested read: 10 valid reasons why you should NEVER chase a man
If you too are struggling to let go of the perfect image of your flawed partner, I feel you. Here are 12 reasons why letting go of someone you love is so damn hard. Like we say, sometimes knowing the reason is enough to cure the problem. AMEN.
1. The heart refuses to listen
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The heart is a treacherous thing. It stays inside you but beats for someone else. Damn you, you little piece of muscle! Why can’t you be a little saner? This heart of yours must already be singing his songs, and no matter how much of a bad influence he is, your heart will still be smeared in love. Makes sense? No. Exactly why the heart is said to be so stupid.
2. Cooking up excuses all the time
When it comes to letting go of someone you love, you will find that your mind will be busy cooking up excuses for the person. Deep in your heart, you do know that the person isn’t good for you, but your bleeding heart, in tandem with your lame mind, will be quick to come up with an excuse like, “Hey, remember the time he stood with you when your world crashed apart? Stay for the sake of that.” Sometimes, I really get the urge to mutter expletives out loud because I feel so bad for how easy I am to convince.
3. You’ve grown used to it
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Accept it that you have grown used to the whole idea of being with someone who sucks. You know that you are not on his mind all the time and that sometimes you are probably even his backup option. Despite knowing all of this, you have accepted it as a part of your plan, as a part of your destiny. Why? Because you like being used to it. It doesn’t even appear odd, so how will you let go of it?
4. Creepy clingy alert
I am the diva of clinginess. I can cling to people I love with all my heart, maybe so tight that my own heart chokes from the pressure. I am so invested in the people I love that no matter what they do, I see myself reconciling with it. I can give up everything because isn’t love all about giving and not taking? When you’re clingy level 99, you probably don’t even know what letting go means. The dictionary definition looks ridiculous, doesn’t it?
5. They are indifferent
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Some guys who are just not good for you are shrewd and maybe even indifferent. It isn’t like they are unaware of the kind of lethal impact that they have on you. A good guy will never leave someone feeling unwanted. If you feel that you are not really happy in his presence and he still continues to be the way he is, this is a clear sign that he just doesn’t care. The sad news is that you are still succumbing to his charm (or your perception of it) rather than being strong. Sometimes even when we are our strongest, we still end up being a lot weaker than we should be.
6. You trust wholeheartedly
Even now, I just can’t understand if trusting too much is a strength or a weakness. I have come across a lot of people who told me that it sucks to not be comfortable enough to trust. I often look them in the eye and tell them, “You know, it sucks even more to be able to trust so easily and then have it broken.” Regardless of which hurts more, when you trust someone a bit too much for your own good, letting go of another person becomes ten times harder. I know that much.
Suggested read: Why letting go of a relationship isn’t as simple as it seems
7. Hopelessly attracted
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There’s no remedy for this, is there? No matter what you do or how hard you try, you just can’t get the attraction out of your mind. I have tried it too many times, but every time I see him pass by, my heart explodes in a million smiles. He could simply be combing his hair and I get the hots for him. How do you calm down those irrational love hormones of yours? Pass me a cure if you find one.
8. Too many memories
Aw, this one is a little heart-shattering. Sometimes, letting go of someone you love is ridiculously impossible just because there are too many memories between you two. He has left you with so many memories that you can literally sense him wherever you go. Even if you end up going cross-country, you will spot him in a stranger and end up thinking about him. How do we escape it? How?
9. You still believe in the forever he promised
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This one is a big blow. He promised you that your relationship was the real deal, and that yours was one for the history books. You may have exchanged some secret vows too. While he has gone on a new road and forgotten every quote or promise he made, there you sit on your bed, pretending every word he spoke was a promise to be kept till the end of time. Silly, right? Yes, but sometimes the ones who love the most are the ones who hurt the most too. It is a shame how so many guys end up losing someone who would love them till their last breath just because they are so full of themselves. Even as I type this up, I still believe there is a forever waiting to happen because I’m a dreamer.
10. The false hope
Hope is beautiful, but false hope is dangerous. Sometimes you end up living your life in a bubble. You think that there will be a day when every wrong will cease to exist. You have a false hope that his indifference is temporary, and that deep down he truly cares. You have a false hope that your lonely nights will give way to bright days. You have a false hope that every love story ends with a happy ever after. This hope doesn’t let you let go. Sad? Yes.
11. Sometimes…
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Sometimes, during those rare moments when your lover is actually spending some time with you, you end up forgetting all the reasons I’ve mentioned above. In those *sometimes* moments, all you do is live in the moment because you know this moment will become your refuge. It is sad how we settle for so much less than what we deserve.
Suggested read: Learning to fall in love with breakups
12. Because love
No amount of logic could ever define the realm of love. We know we are stupid, we know we are the only ones who will be hurt; we know he truly doesn’t care, but we love anyway. Quite frankly, love isn’t mathematics. It is not a give and take policy. You love simply because you do. Dare not drop logic into it! And regardless of the what you get out of it, love continues to live on.
Which of these seems to be your reason for not letting go? Still stuck in the relationship that is bad for you? I don’t really know if you can come out of it or how long it will be before you will cave again.
Some answers are best left unsaid. It’s a learning process for all of us!
Featured image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
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