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12 Vital Tips On How To Stop Being Selfish In Your Relationship

Everyone tends to become selfish from time to time, and especially so when in a relationship. But is it worth it? Our article on how to stop being selfish in a relationship, will not only give you an answer but a model with 12 different exercises that you must continue practicing. Selfishness in relationships cannot be overcome in a day or two, or even a year. It requires years of selfless love towards your partner. :)

They say that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The first step to removing selfishness from within is realization. The fact that you have realized that you are being selfishness in a relationship, is evident from you reading this article! So, congratulations! The battle’s half won already.

If you think you aren’t being selfish in a relationship and only happened to walk up to this piece, by chance, let me ask you this: Has your partner ever, in a discussion, told you that you need to stop being selfish? Has that occurred more than once? If yes, you have stumbled upon the exact thing that you need.

Suggested read: Selfishness in relationships: 15 tips to know if you’re being selfish

Read on!

1. Practice putting yourself second 

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If you are being selfish in a relationship, then in all probability, you are always to be ‘the priority’! Now, you have to change that as soon as possible if you want to enjoy a healthy and joyful bond with your significant other. The next time you catch yourself doing this, it could be while you are discussing important matters or deciding where to go on a holiday; stop and let the other have a say in what he or she wants to. Don’t be the one who is always thinking “me, me, me” and wants everything first, like a spoilt kid! You have to keep in mind that your partner is as special as you are and they too deserve to get what they want.

Make a list of relationship goals where you put yourself second in at least five situations, that is, in a list of ten. Notice how delighted you feel when you are not worrying about only your benefit and desires!

2. Avoid being a jerk!

This sounds stupid, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not! If you do want to stop being selfish in a relationship, you have to stop being a jerk, a person who doesn’t always get what they want but constantly tries to do the same! Your partner is noticing your behavior, and if they  are smart enough, they’ll run away soon! Selfishness is like any other bad habit, and so, it has to be broken. Now!

3. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes

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Walking a mile in your better half’s shoes (or stilettoes!) can alter your life forever! Put in the effort to think about what your partner is going through and consider their feelings in every situation. Before taking any action or saying anything, give this exercise a try. This is what empathy is all about! The more you practice it, the sooner you will be able to get rid for your selfishness.

For example, before you pick a fight or may be start yelling at your partner, spare a thought about how she’s feeling. She might be very tired and so not in the mood to go to the games with you. She might have had a bad day at work and that’s why she’s behaving a little strange. When you consider all this, you kind of ponder if it is at all necessary to make her feel worse.

4. Sort out your wants and needs

If you are really thinking of how to stop being selfish in your relationship, you need to ask yourself two vital questions: “What do I need?” vs “What are my wants?” When people are being selfish in a relationship, they keep repeating a mantra, “I want…” They believe they deserve everything that’s the best and this slowly spills into their relationship, poisoning it in the end!

When you dig deep, you will realize that you only have a few needs while your wants… So, you get my point? The person you love tops your list of needs, don’t they? Thus, the key is compromising on your wants and focusing on your needs. :)

5. Enjoy giving the other the spotlight

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Selfish partners cringe when their better half takes away the spotlight from them. They always want that for themselves no matter how much they love the other! Well, we got to look into the matter! Practice not only giving away the limelight but actually enjoy watching your lover shine. Stop being the wife-to-be at every wedding and the corpse at every memorial! Be proud of the other’s achievement instead of praying it was you!

Feelings of jealousy and bitterness are intertwined with selfishness. Selfishness, actually, adds fuel to the fire! You need to let it go, immediately!

6. Take in criticism

The selfish ones always feel that their way of living and doing everything is the best. Their partner comes to give them some feedback, and snap! All hell has broken loose! Sure, you mustn’t take every criticism your partner hurls at you but if you focus enough you might see that they are telling you things which others have also told you before! Everyone cannot be wrong, correct?

Don’t you want to grow and improve as a person? If you’re the kind who clings on to the belief of being perfect, you wouldn’t have come to this page, in the first place!

Voluntarily ask your partner for feedback. Now that’s what takes strength of character!

Suggested read: How to be a good girlfriend to a guy who is clueless about what he needs

7. Listen. Really listen

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Admit it, that you only pretend to listen! Selfish people are awful listeners. They are either too busy talking about their own problems or thinking what to say once the other stops talking! If you are the kind of partner who picks up a call from his sweetheart, talks himself for an hour and then hangs up when she just begins talking, there is a lot of damage control needed to be done here, bro!

Every conversation between her and you should be a 50-50 exchange of thoughts, emotions, and ideas. When you start caring, you will automatically be all ears to that special somebody.

8. Say, “Thank you!”

Thank your beloved. It’s very selfish of you to think that you deserve the best treatment while your partner can settle for the second best! Don’t always expect kindness, but when it comes your way, be grateful for it. This is the time to stop and think about every little thing that your partner has done for you, every good way that they have made you feel special. This is the time to acknowledge.

9. Stop being the control freak

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How to stop being selfish in a relationship? Give up the driver’s seat once in a while! Selfish people think that it is their duty to choose every movie that they and their lover watch, every restaurant that they go for a date, and even the food that will be ordered! It is high time you take a step back, honey! You have got to trust your baby and let them take decisions too. They know what they’re doing. They chose you, so their choice isn’t that bad, eh?! Giving up the reigns will not only help you in your relationship, it will also make you feel relieved from the unnecessary stress that you carry!

10. Remember the important days

Your lover is bound to get hurt if you forget their birthday! How difficult is it to remember some important days like their birthday or your anniversary?! When you forget these, your lover is sure to feel uncared for! It’s all about making them feel special on their day! It’s a way of telling them how much they mean to you. On the flip side, selfish people tend to go bonkers when their loved ones forget their birthdays. So you know how that feels, right? Don’t repeat it the next time and say sorry about all the damage done.

11. Maintain punctuality

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Some people tend to be late on dates and there is nothing selfish about it, or is there? Don’t keep your lover waiting. It’s a way of saying that you don’t care if their time is wasted. If you are late for some reason, call and let them know. Contrarily, you tend to lose your mind if your partner comes in a minute late! Now, that’s double standards, my friend! Selfishness in a relationship crops up from little things like these which go on to become big issues. Take care of the weeds when they are just starting out and you won’t have to worry about your crops getting destroyed!

Suggested read: 12 important things I learnt from falling in and out of love

12. Don’t give up on yourself!

Setting out to break an intensely-rooted habit like selfishness in a relationship, demands stubborn effort. Slip-ups might hinder your determination and make you feel hopeless about changing yourself. You may get tempted to throw in the towel. But, don’t! Instead, remind yourself of why you want to remove selfishness from your love life and continue despite obstacles in your way.

“Some people create their own storms, but they get upset when it rains!” (Source: Unknown) I hope you are not one of them. Prove me right by following the above 12 mantras, which have stood the test of time. Love and be loved. :)

Featured image source: Nicholas Blechman

Article Name
12 Tips On How To Stop Being Selfish In A Relationship
Do you always think about yourself and put yourself first, ignoring your partner? You are being selfish! Here's how to stop being selfish in a relationship.
Riya Roy

Riya Roy

“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.” This Isaac Asimov line, embraces my love for writing in the finest and most desperate way that it is and should be! I was tormented by the earnestness of the written word not very early in my journey. But once smitten, it has helped me devour life twice over; savoring the moment and indulging in its memories. As a flâneuse, I wander to understand the intricacies of human relationships. Realizing that, they are just different manifestations of the same feeling of love, has been my greatest learning. I seek to share its opulence through the words I type.