I have been alone for most of my adult life. I’ve hardly had any boyfriends (read next to none) or even guy friends in my life. I’m a loner by nature, and I have very few friends. However, in the last few years, having a significant other in my life has taken precedence over almost everything else. Maybe it’s because there’s pressure to get married at home before I end up on the wrong side of 30, or seeing my (very few) friends in seemingly happy relationships, I can’t quite put my finger on the ‘why’ of my quest.
But that is not to say I haven’t been in love – I have. And I got my heart broken, and it took me a very long time to get over him. I thought I had it all, just to be reminded by a higher power that it isn’t my time to find my happily ever after. No matter, because I learnt a few valuable lessons from it and moved on.
Suggested read: I fell in and out of love too quickly
However, that need to have romantic love in my life, have someone to kiss and hold, to experience that high that only love can give me, has taken up top priority in my life. But the thing is, I’ve been driving myself crazy with this need. There’s also the fact that I doubt myself of ever finding the kind of love I’m looking for. I wish I cared less about finding love, but I don’t.
This need for finding love has taught me several important lessons that I wish to share today.
1. It’s not wrong to want love. We’re only human.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
Never ever apologize for wanting to be loved. It’s one of the basic human needs. People around you might profess self-love and being happy in your singlehood, and even tell you that having a guy in your life isn’t the most important thing in the world. But, it isn’t always as simple as that. You, me, and these very people who advise you to be happy being single, want to be loved, even if they don’t admit it – to you or to themselves. So NEVER apologize or feel ashamed for wanting someone to hold and cherish.
2. You might not even be looking for love.
Sometimes it’s hard to articulate, even to yourself, about what you want. Whether you want attention, or sex, or plain companionship, you can easily get these from friends, self-pleasuring, or family, respectively. You don’t need to go searching for love to get the kind of affection you’re looking for.
3. Love yourself first before finding someone else to love.
I know what I said in my first point, but bear with me here. Having someone to spend your days talking and getting to know, and having someone to cuddle up with at night, seems like what you’re looking for. However, finding this guy won’t magically make all your problems vanish into thin air. His mere presence won’t make the way you see yourself change. You will still have all the problems and insecurities you had before he came along. So you need to work on learning to love yourself first, and stop deluding yourself that a guy’s love would magically change your life the way you’re probably hoping it will.
4. Relationships are messy. Period.
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As much as being single sucks, finding love and being in a relationship can suck more than that. Didn’t think of that, did you? It’s not always rainbows and butterflies when it comes to relationships. It can make you tear out your hair in frustration or even want to secretly plot your significant other’s murder (not that you’ll kill them, but just saying :P). People in such miserable relationships have found love, and are no better off than you are. In that case, you might be lucky, no?
5. Relationships are not all they’re cracked up to be.
Books and movies are to blame for this. They have painted such a pretty picture of love that you want the kind of love your favorite protagonist has. However, remember that romance and heartbreak are like two sides of the coin. You can’t have one without the other. But since you’re outside looking in, you’re just seeing the greener grass on the other side of the fence. Remember, people can be absolutely miserable even when they’re in a relationship and have found love.
6. Self-pity is the worst downer – EVER.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You’re not stuck in some horrible, nightmarish melodrama just because you haven’t been successful in finding love. Focus on all the wonderful things in your life – your family who has been there for you no matter what, your friends (however few they may be) who know how to cheer you up, your strength, your beauty, your amazing mind. You are destined to be awesome – in whatever capacity – in your life. It isn’t at all as bad as your head is making it out to be. Trust me.
Suggested read: In search of the promise of love…
7. You WILL find what you’re looking for – when the time is RIGHT.
Image source: Pixabay, under Creative Commons License
It’s okay if you can’t stop thinking about finding love, finding that someone who would fit perfectly with your imperfections. It’s not a waste of your time to look for a serious relationship. It’s okay to have not found what you’re looking for yet, but one day, you surely will. Just because it’s overwhelming, don’t give up on your search for love, if that’s what you really want. All your hard work WILL pay off and will be worth it in the end.
For now, chin up and keep at it. But not at the cost of losing your sanity or peace of mind though. Good luck in your quest!
Featured image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License