Extramarital affairs can get really hard at times. When a healthy relationship breaks into pieces, it can often cause more damage that one can think of. Everything gets affected along the way and kids often get lost, especially if they are young. They can be the collateral damage of an extramarital affair and might stop respecting their parents. It doesn’t matter if your kids are young or if they are old enough to make their own choices, chances are that things would get really messy for them as well, as they might end up losing a part of their family.
Here are a few things that will help you sail your spouse’s extramarital affair when you have kids together.
1. Have a conversation with your spouse
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Even when you can’t see each other eye to eye and talking to your spouse seems like the last thing to do, you can’t go on and inform your kids about it all by yourself. You need to have a thoughtful conversation with your partner while keeping the welfare of your kids in mind. If they are really young, then you should withhold yourself from telling them the truth, as they might get confused. Talk to your spouse and come up with a plan of action.
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2. Take a stand
Listen to your partner’s apology and reach a conclusion. You can either walk out of the marriage or give it another try. This is something that only you can decide. It would be tough and you might need some time, but be sure that you make the right decision by looking at the big picture. If you are sure that you want to end the relationship, inform your partner in a subtle way so that you both can get a closure.
3. Breaking the news
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This could be the toughest part. Have a thoughtful conversation with your kids and inform them about your decision. If you have decided to go separate ways, let the kids know that it was not their mistake. Never let them think that they can mend your relationship or that they caused the separation.
4. Implementing the plan
Finally, implement the plan of action by giving your kids as much space as they want. Teenagers can be really vulnerable at this time and you need to make sure that you are always there to support them. Don’t let them assume that they are losing a parent.
5. Taking a mutual decision on their custody
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Try not to get your kids involved in those dirty custody fights that happens after an extramarital affair. Instead of going to the court, take a mutual decision about their custody if they are not legally an adult.
6. Thinking of your kids’ future
If your children are small, take this decision wisely as every step that you take will affect their entire future. Try to keep their priorities before yours and do what is right for them. Try to make them happy, even if their happiness would mean that you won’t be a permanent part of their lives anymore.
7. Making rules and regulations
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After settling the custody issues for your kids, make a list of rules that the two of you are supposed to follow. Whenever you meet, don’t let your kids assume that you are getting back together as a false hope might hurt them even more. If your kids are adults, then think of a few topics you are never going to speak in front of them. Never disrespect your spouse in front of your kids or let them feel that you were a victim in the relationship.
8. Keeping holidays and vacations in mind
When you are planning the schedule, keep space for vacations and holidays. Either keep the kids for alternate holidays or let them pick it on their own. If your kids are grown ups and want you to attend an event together, try to keep your differences and ego aside to support your kids.
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9. Setting an example
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They say that kids naturally repeat the relationship mistakes of their parents. Make sure that your children get only the positive part of it by setting a good example. Let them learn from your mistakes so that they can have a better life and show them how easy it can be sometimes to forgive and start over.
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